How to Transport a Banana?

Yesterday Robbie and I went shopping to buy birthday presents for my daughter who will be 20 very soon. It gets harder to choose presents as they get older, I have fond memories of the days when the whole thing could be sorted in one trip to Toys R Us. We went to Home Sense to look for a couple of items that I can't name here for obvious reasons. I thought I was fairly safe taking Robbie to a shop that sells household goods but as so often when it comes to Robbie I was wrong!


The first thing that he spotted was a large and truly hideous clock that he thought would look perfect in our lounge - believe me it wouldn't! He was just on the cusp of a strop, the bottom lip started to jut out and he gave me the look so I thought it would be best to distract him by heading up to the cookware department. As we got to the top of the stairs I realised that I had to keep him away from the bed linen section because they had Kath Kidston designs and he would want to buy a new duvet set if he saw it, he loves Kath Kidston designs. Amazingly I managed to avoid that section, but that didn't keep him out of trouble.


I was looking at the baking section when in his usual loud voice he called to me to say that he needed a banana carrier. I tried to ignore it but that just made him louder, he informed anyone listening that he has been having a lot of trouble with his bananas getting bruised! It was a pointless conversation because they didn't sell banana cases, but once he got going he wouldn't shut up. Thankfully his attention was taken up with a two book set about the history of Lego and Lego Mini Figures. He was so excited that it was embarrassing, I agreed to buy him the book in the hope that it would keep him quiet.


When we got home he started researching banana carriers. He informed me that you can buy blow up ones that look really good. I informed him that there was no way that he was having a blow up banana carrier because he would probably get himself arrested. Just in case he was in any doubt I made it absolutely clear that if he bought a banana carrier I had no intention of taking a tape measure to Morrisons with me to find bananas of the correct shape and size!!

Time to Say Goodbye?

I have often written about the things that Robbie does to annoy me, but I rarely write about the things that I do to annoy him - yes it's true, I am not perfect!! One of the things that makes Robbie absolutely furious is my attitude to mobile phones. Robbie would find it more acceptable to go out without underwear than to forget his phone, while I still see my phone as something to bury in my handbag just in case I need it. 

I am not sure why there is such a difference in our attitudes to mobile phones, Robbie says that it is because I am old, but I am not so sure, perhaps I am just not as sad as Robbie! I have always seen phones a tool to use when I choose to and I refuse to let the phone rule my life. If someone rings and I don't answer they either know me well enough to contact me some other way or they can wait until I am not busy. 


Sometimes if Robbie rings me on the house phone and it is engaged, he will ring me on the mobile, that annoys me so much. I may have two ears but I only have one mouth, I can't talk to two people at once, so why can't he call back later? I hate having my life ruled by the phone. I am sure there is some hidden connection between my phone and the bathroom door. as soon as I get in there the phone rings and I have to dash downstairs to answer it - and it is almost always Robbie!!

In 1972 Bill DeWitt wrote "The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone in 1875. In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone." That sounds like luxury to me. 


Despite my feelings about phones, I have to admit that I have a great sentimental attachment to my mobile phone. It is old now (bought in 2002 in fact) but it has been a very good phone and I didn't see the need to replace it while it was still working. It has been the cause of considerable teasing, and it is known by most of my friends as 'the brick' but I have never been that bothered about what other people think. Now it has gone silent, even when the ringtone is on the loud setting it just gives a faint buzz. It has been like that for months and it doesn't cause me any problems, but it drives Robbie mad and putting up with Robbie in evil troll mode is not fun. So perhaps it is time to admit that my phone has seen better days. I will be sad to say goodbye, there are a lot of precious memories associated with that phone.

The Pony Express?

A couple of days ago Robbie told me about a man who attempted to board a train with his Pony in Wrexham. I didn't believe him at first, but he pointed to a YouTube clip showing the man with his little grey pony on the platform waiting for the train. The pony seemed very good natured, it did not show any outward signs of fear. Apparently the man even took the pony in the lift to get to the platform. The train operating company Arriva Trains Wales released CCTV pictures of the pony in the lift and on the platform.


Robbie was horrified and he patiently explained that with the exception of dogs animals must be conveyed in a fully enclosed basket or pet carrier no larger than 85cm x 60cm x 60cm. Personally I would rather travel with that pony near me than with a tarantula or a snake in a pet carrier. A spokeswoman for Arriva Trains Wales said "Large animals, including horses and ponies, which may pose a risk to the general public, are not permitted to travel." I am not suggesting that horses and ponies should travel with people on already overcrowded trains. But if they are trying to prevent risk to the travelling public they perhaps need to have another look at their rules. I would rather travel with ten horses than ten football fans and I would prefer a whole train full of horses to one annoying drunk. After all horses don't spend hours on mobile phones telling the world in general that they are on a train and they don't feel the need to terrorise their fellow passengers with their music. 


Apparently the man wanted to board the train with his pony because he wanted to take it to hospital. Perhaps he is a bit eccentric, but judging by the pictures that little pony seemed calm and not at all distressed by it's adventure. 

Loud and Impossible to Ignore

On Friday evening I collected my daughter from university, she was finally home after a trip to USA. She is a Geography student and the trip to SW USA was an important part of her course. Her flight home had been delayed by five hours so I expected her to be tired and jet lagged, she wasn't, she was very talkative. 


She had seen some amazing places but for the first hour or so all she could talk about was how much she disliked the food. This surprised me as I had assumed that they would have the same sort of food as we do in UK, but apparently that is not the case. She was appalled that they have doughnuts for breakfast, she said that everything was far too sweet and the portion sizes were ridiculously large. She said that everywhere seemed to smell of peanut butter and it made her feel ill, I think she may have been exaggerating because I can't imaginine anyone wanting to eat peanut butter on a regular basis. I think she may have seen peanut butter here but we don't have it at home. I quite like it but she doesn't like nuts so I am not surprised that she was put off by the smell. I asked if they still have Root Beer in USA, back in dim distant past they used to have root beer at Mc Donalds and I loved it. As far as I was concerned it was the only nice thing at Mc Donalds, but it was probably very bad for me - it seems that everything that I like is bad for me! She didn't know anything about Root Beer, but she told me that Mountain Dew is different in USA, it is high caffeine here but apparently they can't put as many additives in it here as they do in USA.  


My daughter said that fuel was really cheap (I wish it was here) but she went on to say that apples were very expensive. I am not sure why apples and fuel popped up in the same sentence, but who knows what goes on in the brain of a 19 year old! I can't think why apples would be expensive but that is what she said. Anyway I must stop obsessing about food, but in the interest of fairness I should point out that within a couple of days she was longing for some of the things she had eaten in USA. Young people are so fickle!

Being a typical young woman she found time for a bit of a spending spree. She bought herself some lovely clothes and a new ipod, and knowing Robbie's passion for PJs (or as he says 'lounge-wear') she bought him a pair of PJ bottoms, he loves them because they are loud and hard to ignore - just like him. They have M&Ms in various colours all over them, to say they are brightly coloured is an understatement - they are scarily loud. I didn't think the blog was ready for another picture of Robbie in his PJs but you can see the pattern in this picture. I think Robbie was rather touched that she knows him well enough to make such a perfect choice.

Back From the USA

On Friday evening I collected my daughter from university, she was finally home after a trip to USA. She is a Geography student and the trip was to SW USA. Her flight home had been delayed by five hours so I expected her to be tired and jet lagged, she wasn't, she was very talkative. She had seen some amazing places but for the first hour or so all she could talk about was how much she disliked the food. She was appalled that they have doughnuts for breakfast and she said that everything was far too sweet and the portion sizes were ridiculously large. She said that everywhere seemed to smell of peanut butter and it made her feel ill, On Friday evening I collected my daughter from university, she was finally home after a trip to USA. She is a Geography student and the trip was to SW USA. Her flight home had been delayed by five hours so I expected her to be tired and jet lagged, she wasn't, she was very talkative. She had seen some amazing places but for the first hour or so all she could talk about was how much she disliked the food. She was appalled that they have doughnuts for breakfast and she said that everything was far too sweet and the portion sizes were ridiculously large. She said that everywhere seemed to smell of peanut butter and it made her feel ill, I think she may have seen peanut butter here but we don't have it at home. I quite like it but she doesn't like nuts so I am not surprised that she was put off by the smell. She said that fuel was really cheap (I wish it was here) but apples were very expensive, I can't think why they would be expensive but that is what she said. 
I think she may have seen peanut butter here but we don't have it at home. I quite like it but she doesn't like nuts so I am not surprised that she was put off by the smell. She said that fuel was really cheap (I wish it was here) but apples were very expensive, I can't think why they would be expensive but that is what she said. 

Photo by Laura Jones

They visited the Hoover Dam on the border of Nevada and Arizona, my daughter didn't seem terribly impressed by the dam itself but she had a lot to say about the very heavy security around the dam to prevent any terrorist attacks. On the same day they went to Walnut Canyon, Route 66, and the National Monument. They spent one night in Flagstaff.

Photo by Laura Jones

The next day they visited the Grand Canyon National Park and she got some amazing photos. She said that she wasn't that impressed by the Grand Canyon at first but it got better as they went further on. It certainly looks spectacular from the photos.

Photo by Laura Jones

They stayed in the Grand Canyon National Park overnight and the next day they spent more time in the National Park, visited the Navajo Nation and saw real dinosaur tracks in Moenave Arizona. It took her a while to be convinced that they were real, but she was really impressed by what she saw. Footprints seem like a very direct link to the distant past.


The next day they visited the Navajo Code Talkers exhibition, Monument Valley and Goosenecks State Park in Utah. It was really interesting to find out about the very important work of the Navajo Code Talkers in the second world war. I had never heard anything about the very important role these brave men played in creating unbreakable military radio codes. 

The pictures of Monument Valley made me think of John Wayne and i was surprised to find that she'd had her photo next to a life size image of him. 

Lost For Words

Photo by ZoofyTheJi

It is not really true that I am lost for words. I could write about Robbie's missing pants (again), he got so wound up about two missing pairs of black pants yesterday. One pair wasn't missing at all, they were folded in the pile of laundry that I had taken up to the bedroom the previous evening. Apparently I hadn't folded them correctly and on the way to the station he patiently explained how to fold his underwear and amazingly he survived - I must be mellowing in my old age!  The other pair of favourite pants were not far away either, he 'found' them this morning and stood there waving them at me triumphantly in the style of a bull fighter - it isn't the best sight first thing in the morning! 


I could write about the roof leaking when we had torrential rain last Saturday night. It dripped through the ceiling on to Robbie's side of the bed, it ruined some of his precious railway books and it spoiled the covers of some of his vinyl records. He was so angry about it. After rescuing his things and finding a container to catch the water he stormed off to sleep on the sofa and I was left wide awake worrying about how much it is going to cost to fix the roof. It will be a huge amount because it will require scaffolding. 

Photo by Laura Jones

What I really want to write about is how much I love Robbie and how useless I feel sometimes. I am not a soppy, sentimental sort of person but I do care deeply about him and I have been terribly worried by the level of pain that he has been experiencing in recent months. Pain is exhausting and constant pain can be really lowering because it affects everything you do and it changes the way you feel about yourself. Robbie is so strong and so determined to be 'normal' (in his own unique way) but it gets him down when his back hurts and his legs misbehave. I can't take his pain away but I can be strong and help him to accept the need for more effective long term pain management. I can make sure he takes his tablets and help him to cope with the rather unpleasant side effects. The tablets make him very tired, waking him up in the morning is like trying to raise the dead. Sometimes he gets very cross with me and he has been known to tell me to go away in no uncertain terms, but I don't take too much notice of that. One way or another we will get through this. It will take a long time and a lot of trial and error to find the correct medication and the correct dose to manage the pain without devastating side effects. I need to be strong, I will not let him give up.

Reverse Psychology

Photo by Hyperen

I think there has been a bit too much reverse  psychology going on recently and for once Robbie got the better of me! I suppose I have to let him win once in a while, but he needn't think he is going to make a habit of it.


A week or so ago Robbie announced that he wanted to go to a steam rally on Saturday, he was absolutely determined and he completely ignored my protests. I don't cope well with noise and my asthma has been dreadful recently (oil seed rape season always sets it off) so I really didn't fancy trailing around all day being expected to admire noisy, smelly engines so I came up with a cunning plan. I told him that I would really love to see the sea and I would like to travel along the sea wall at Dawlish again, we haven't done that for ages. Robbie jumped at the chance to play trains all day, so I thought it was a case of mission accomplished. Maybe I was distracted by the referendum and the local government elections, but I didn't spot that Baldrick Burgess was hatching his own cunning plan.


He was late home on Friday (due to computer problems at work) so by the time we talked in detail about our plans for Saturday it was very late and I was tired. I asked what time we needed to get up and he told me some crazy time even before the birds get up! I told him that there was no way that I was getting up at that time on a Saturday, I asked for a train at a more reasonable time but he said there wasn't one. I knew he was being evasive and he was not happy about being questioned because he had the look (you know the one with the lip and folded arms). Eventually I dragged the truth out of him, he wanted to go early because he wanted us to go to Plymouth on an HST rather than a Voyager, but he didn't want to tell me because I prefer Voyagers.


Saturday dawned and I was wide awake, but not too keen to leave my nice warm bed. Robbie was sound asleep and my feeble efforts to wake him failed miserably (as planned) and before long it was too late to get to Birmingham in time for the HST. We got up and got ready at a more leisurely pace, in fact Robbie seemed to be dawdling which seemed a bit odd to me. All went well, we caught the train at Northampton with enough time to buy a coffee and a bacon roll and we had a slow but adequate journey to Birmingham. Robbie raced off to buy some sandwiches and we caught the train without having to do the usual sprint between platforms. It was then that it became clear that I had been double crossed - it was an HST! I know some people like them but I find them uncomfortable, but at least it made Robbie happy. It was an OK journey but unusually for CrossCountry we had very poor service. No one checked our tickets for the whole journey and we had to go from Birmingham until way passed Bristol without a drink. When I finally got a cup of tea it was diabolical, I really don't know why CrossCountry can't make a decent cup of tea. The   RSM looked like a descendent of Fred Flintstone, he lacked any conversation skills, he had no belt, no tie, the wrong shirt and he was in dire need of a shave. However it wasn't a bad journey and the sea wall was as wonderful as ever.


Robbie was a cunning little devil because he had even worked out for us to come back by HST but after negotiations we got off at Totness and caught a Voyager back to Birmingham. It was a really good journey, the two RSMs (they changed during the journey) were fantastic, the tea on a Voyager is moderately better than on an HST (but it still tastes like pond water).  It was a lovely day out and even our journey back to Northampton on London Midland was good, the train manager was very friendly and he had a lovely accent. 

Conspiracy Theory

As most people will know Robbie has an over-active collecting gene. As well as all the usual things such as railway related items, model trains, books. shoes, ties, bags and countless other things, Robbie also collects Lego mini figures. 


Sometimes I buy him two or three mini figures, but he rations himself and only makes one at a time. Each figure comes in a sealed bag so it is a bit of a guessing game about the contents and he gets so excited when he opens the bag to find a figure that he hasn't already got. He sits at the table and builds his mini figure, then he gets everyone to admire it, then more often than not he posts a photo of the latest figure on Facebook. I know it is a bit weird, but it is fairly harmless and it keeps him out of trouble (for a little while at least!).


An Wednesday when I got home from work I noticed that he had a batch of mini figures lined up. I thought it was a bit odd, but I didn't comment on it, nothing much surprises me where Robbie is concerned! The subject of mini figures didn't crop up until later on when we were on our own, but I noticed that Robbie kept glancing at the figures with a rather odd expression, almost as if he was angry with them. Eventually Robbie called me over and pointed to the artist figure. I looked, but clearly I was missing something because Robbie kept on pointing. He told me that someone had made one of his unopened mini figures and then lined all the figures up on the table. I told him that it was unlikely, perhaps he had just forgotten about the artist, but apparently Robbie (and elephants) never forget!


If it was a conspiracy there was only one suspect, the son who must not be named. The following evening I asked if he had been involved in the mini figure conspiracy. He laughed so much, but when he stopped laughing he explained that he had found our dog Meg chewing the mini figure pack, so he took it away from her, rescued the pieces, cleaned them up and then built the Lego man so that the pieces didn't get lost. So it wasn't really a conspiracy, it was a rescue. 

It's Always The Badly Dressed People Who Are The Most Interesting.

The title of this post is a quote from Jean Paul Gaultier, I think he is right, but I have to remind myself of that sometimes. My children have been know to call me harsh, and I have to admit to some rather uncharitable remarks (in the privacy of my own car) when confronted by some of the sights that we encounter. Clearly some people do not possess a mirror and do not check their rear view, because if they could see what I could see they would never leave the house! I am not the least bit interested in clothes or fashion, I like comfort and given the choice I would spend every waking moment in jeans. However I can manage to look smart and dress appropriately when the occasion demands it. I have not been blessed with a good figure  or height, I am short and stumpy so I am at a disadvantage when it comes to clothes, but I can still manage to dress in a way that doesn't scare passers by. More to the point, I am surrounded by family members who would tell me loud and clear if I looked too unsightly in what I had chosen to wear. Robbie doesn't do tact, he speaks his thoughts!   


So, to get to the point. Most of the coverage I have read about the royal wedding has been about what people wore and much has been made of those who were deemed to be fashion flops. When people see an unflattering outfit people are bound to have their thoughts about it, but surely those thoughts are best kept private. It is true that there were a few eccentric outfits at the royal wedding and one or two really unfortunate ones. I guess it goes to show that money can not buy style, and whatever the designer label you should trust the evidence of your own eyes. I think it is cruel to write about individual fashion mishaps especially when the person concerned is very young, it says more about the bad taste of the author than the fashion victim. I wonder how they would feel if someone humiliated a member of their family in that way.


I was especially incensed about the way that fashion writers picked on one or two of the younger royals. Quentin Crisp once said "fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are". Some people don't want to conform to the latest fashion trends and try as they might some people will never have style. Surely what matters is whether or not they are pleasant, honest, well mannered, kind and good company. I would much rather be judged on the type of person I am than what I look like or what I wear. All the fuss that people have made about Samantha Cameron not wearing a hat and wearing 'high street heels' has made me really angry. I thought she looked lovely, very stylish without trying to upstage anyone. Her shoes looked just fine to me, so what if they were not 'designer'. If she chose not to spend an obscene amount of money on shoes just to impress others, that probably shows that she has good sense and good character! As for the foolish suggestions that going to Westminster Abbey hatless was disrespectful, I can only assume these people had not engaged their brains. Who was she allegedly disrespecting? It wasn't disrespectful to the queen, she meets hatless people all the time. It wasn't disrespectful to God, women go to church hatless all the time, I have never worn a hat to church in my life! Going to church is about belief and worship not fashion. Church is not about the building, it is about the people gathering together to worship, so what is appropriate for a tiny church gathering in a hut somewhere should also be appropriate for the grandest cathedral. 


So, before being too quick to criticise people for what they wear or how they look, people would do well to remember the words of Gabrielle "Coco" Chanel "Adornment is never anything except a reflection of the heart".