Manchester Piccadilly

When diplomatic relations had been restored on Saturday morning we decided to go out on the train to have lunch at York. All was going well until Robbie decided to change the goal posts and started chatting to his friend (via blackberry) about alternative places to go. I don't like it when he tries to change the arrangements in that way. He came up with all sorts of crazy ideas about places to go, it didn't really matter where we went because we were only going out for lunch but I was getting increasingly irritated with all the silly suggestions. An old library, a hat museum (whoever wants to go to a hat museum?) and assorted ancient or historical places - were they trying to say that I am an old relic?


In the end I agreed to go to Manchester but just for lunch, not to the library. When we caught the train at Birmingham first class was packed, but we managed to find a seat. Robbie said that it was probably busy because everyone was going to the Labour conference. If that is the case judging by the elderly occupants of our train the Labour Party will probably die out within 15 years!


I liked the station at Manchester, but as soon as we got outside I was scared and I didn't want to go far because it was so noisy and crowded. As it turned out we has a lovely time, we went to the Ian Allan bookshop, I could have spent hours in there it was brilliant! Finally we had to drag ourselves away and we went to Costa before heading back to the station. It was a nice day.

The Straw That Broke the Camel's Back

Marriages, if they are going to work at all have to have an element of give and take. Sometimes if people love each other and they take time to talk things through and really listen to each other it is possible to overcome even the most difficult issues. However everyone has their breaking point and it can be a seemingly minor issue that tips the balance. It has been a bit like that with us recently.

In August Robbie and I had the most amazing holiday, all on our own with no children. It allowed us to really enjoy each other's company, we talked, laughed, enjoyed being close and most importantly we listened to each other. Within the space of a few days we had reviewed and redefined the boundaries of our marriage, in a way which recognised the needs and feelings of each of us. I am not talking about the imposition of a narrow and suffocating set of rules, this was the sort of unity that enables each person to be who they are, while respecting the needs and feelings of the other. When we got back from holiday we were determined to nurture our relationship, by making time to be together and to have fun, even when that means taking a few hours away from the demands of family and household responsibilities. So far we have managed to do that and it has been really good.

So here comes the 'but'. In every relationship there are issues that are guaranteed to cause friction and things that the one partner does that the other is uncomfortable about. I am sure Robbie could provide a long list of things that I do that annoy him, but for me the one thing that bothers me far more than any of the other things is his involvement in the union. I mind for lots of reasons; he has taken on far more than it is reasonable for one person to do and I think he is spreading himself too thin. I don't like the union, I think they talk a lot of nonsense and I think they have changed him in a way that is deeply unattractive. More than anything else I don't like the union taking away our family time, I don't like the way they behave and I think it has led him to make some very poor choices. Of course he would say that I was wrong on every count, but I am judging by actions not just words.

I'd had issues in the past, especially when he went to Dublin earlier in the year, but we had put those behind us, so I didn't have too many concerns about him going on a training course on Thursday. Unfortunately things went down hill from there, he promised that he would ring me in the evening, so after work I looked forward to his call, I didn't want to ring him because I wasn't sure what he would be doing and I didn't want to interrupt. The call didn't come so eventually I took the phone to bed with me and read a book while I was waiting. I must have fallen asleep because I was woken soon after 2am by a text arriving. It was the briefest text informing me that he had been out and was going to bed. I was really hurt, how much effort would it have taken to make a quick phone call at some point during the evening.

The final straw came in the morning when he compounded the problem by not ringing me. When I finally spoke to him he said that he had forgotten about me, poor choice of words perhaps, but that was the final straw - I would never forget about him!! An argument followed and small as this incident was it had tipped the balance for me and I gave him the choice - me or the union. Robbie has always been a slow learner, he chose the union! Lets just say that Friday wasn't a pleasant day for either of us. I walked around the house thinking how much space I would have if I got rid of all his junk and he spent the day telling me that I was totally unreasonable. It was stalemate! Robbie has never understood that when in a hole you should stop digging. He decided to 'light the blue touch paper' by leaving a comment on facebook agreeing that the course was fantastic, I am not sure if it was the comment that annoyed me most or the fact that the woman whose status he was responding to had a rather dubious, near naked profile photo! If I was angry before I was furious after that!

Saturday morning dawned and Robbie's negating style of giving no ground and and insisting that I was totally unreasonable was making matters worse. I will not say how he won me over but if he tried that tactic on anyone else I would kill him!! The result is that he has agreed to give up most of his union work by November and I have agreed to accept him keeping the health and safety stuff. This brings us back to the level of involvement that he had when we got married. He is not entirely forgiven but we are working on it!!

A Knicker Nicker - Surely Not?

Robbie decided to abandon me on Thursday to go on another pointless union course. He was only going for one day and one night but he packed enough for a week, how many shirts can one man wear in a day? He wasted all the previous evening packing and working out his travel arrangements to Birmingham - a journey that he should be familiar with by now as he does it every week day! After all the messing around I expected him to be totally organised and ready to leave in good time for his train on Thursday morning - I was wrong! I woke him up on time, I even managed to get him out of bed without too much difficulty, but it all went wrong after that.


When I got up I realised that his arrival in the bathroom had been seriously delayed and when I went downstairs to investigate I found him trotting around in his knickers muttering obscenities. According to Robbie someone had stolen his knickers to prevent him going on the course! I had plenty of good reasons to stop him going on the course, but if I had set my mind on keeping him at home I could have achieved my objective without resorting to pant pilfering! I went up to the bedroom and found half a dozen pairs of Robbie's pants, but when I offered them to him he found reasons to reject every pair as unsuitable in some way. He insisted that he had to have his best pants for the course (perhaps they help him to think better!) and he plodded off in search of the perfect pair of pants.


In the end he settled for an 'inferior' pair to pack in his case and he insisted that his best pants had been stolen. By this time we were in the car racing towards the station in time for hid train. I tried to make him review the evidence, Sam is skinny and he couldn't possibly wear Robbie size garments, the girls have an interesting selection of underwear but it is somewhat skimpier than Robbie's, neither of them has a use for the kind that he wears. So who nicked the knickers? The only person I know who wears trunks like Robbie is Homer Simpson, but I believe he prefers white rather than black. The truth is that there was no conspiracy to steal his pants, he just hadn't looked in the right place - they were in the tumble dryer!

Writers Block

There are a number of things that prevent me writing the blog. Sometimes I am very busy and despite my best intentions I fall behind with the blog. I try not to write when I am feeling very unhappy or angry because it doesn't seem fair on whoever I am angry with. I don't write very much about Sam because he doesn't like being written about and I am cautious about how much I write about the rest of our family. As if those reasons were not enough a new reason has popped up recently - I am really happy! I don't mean that I am usually unhappy, but right now I am enjoying life so much that I am struggling to find the time and energy for the blog as well, but this weekend I have promised myself that I will catch up and get back into a routine with the blog.

Showing Her Metal

In our family Emily is the geeky one, very clever, very creative but not always the most practical, and every now and then she will entertain us all with an 'Emily special' - her own brand of dim comment. One of her recent dippy remarks happened when we were driving into Leicester for her graduation. I saw a signpost and commented on a place name that sounded familiar. "Oh yes" said Emily, "there's a bus that goes there". It took a while before she realised why we were laughing.

Laura on the other hand in just as clever but very practical and street wise, so I was rather shocked when she made an Emily type remark. She has been looking a bit pale and tired recently, so I told her she should get some iron tablets. The next time I saw her she told me that she had looked for iron tablets at Boots but couldn't find any. I told her she must have been looking in the wrong place, but she was sure she had the right place because she saw some zinc tablets. She then announced that she had been tempted to just get the zinc tablets because zinc is quite close to iron in the periodic table!!

A Troubling Obsession?

When we were on the train on Sunday Robbie waited until I was relaxed and comfortable, then he rummaged in his rucksack and brought out a leaflet. He opened the leaflet and slid it across the table towards me with a big grin on his face. There were pictures of old buses (Robbie is a bit of a closet bus spotter!) but my eyes fell on a much more troubling picture of milk floats. This place (I can't remember where it was - I was too traumatised!) has a collection of milk floats. Why would anyone want a collection of milk floats? I hate milk floats even more than I hate Volvos, they get in my way, they park inconsiderately and and they always seem to be driven by fiercely ugly old men. As far as I am concerned the only sensible thing to do with a milk float is to blow it up 'Braniacs' style!

I gave Robbie a steady stare, I can put up with a lot, I don't mind his obsession with trains, I can tolerate his 'thing' about buses but if he is going to get into milk floats that is a step too far, its unnatural, in fact it's scarily weird. Robbie guiltily admitted that he wanted to go to see the buses with a friend of his. I grudging agreed on the strict understanding NO MILK FLOATS! I can tolerate most of his enthusiasms but milk floats are a step too far!

Unbelieveable!

Just when I think I understand Robbie he does something totally weird and it leaves me feeling that I will never really see the world through his eyes. Yesterday as we were relaxing on the train, he announced that he'd had to make a serious complaint and he was very annoyed that he hadn't had a reply yet. I thought that he was perhaps talking about a railway safety issue or something like that but I was wrong. His complaint was about McDonalds in Birmingham, apparently they are not building their sausage and egg bagels to the correct specification! It wouldn't bother me a jot because I don't like McDonalds food, but apparently Robbie has provided them with a list of times and dates when he was sold incorrectly built breakfast bagels! Surely he must have more important things to worry about, in fact surely he could find better things to spend his money on!

Out To Play

Robbie abandoned me in favour of his first love on Friday night and Saturday - he was on a rail tour with Royal Scots Grey (his favourite deltic! I can't complain because he hasn't been on a rail tour for a while, but I really missed him. He got home on Saturday evening so it wasn't too bad, he was very tired but he still found the energy to talk non stop about the rail tour!

We had planned to go to London for the day on Sunday, but getting up early proved more of a challenge than usual, so we snuggled back under the covers and postponed our day in London until next month. We didn't waste the whole day, but it was almost noon when we arrived at Northampton Station to board a train bound for Birmingham.

Robbie likes to buy a Latte for the journey, I hardly ever drink coffee but I had a hot chocolate instead. The last time we went out I managed to spill hot my drink on my sleeve so this time Robbie carried both drinks while I trotted along behind carrying the bags. He claims he has the knack of carrying drinks without spilling them - I don't know about that but, he certainly has a captivating wiggle!

We went to Doncaster (just because we could) and then we came back again. It was totally mad, but lots of fun, and we experienced a very rare phenomenon - a CrossCountry Voyager with a fully functioning toilet! The one on the outward journey was a bit of a let down because the door did not close properly and the hand dryer was faulty, but on the return journey the loo was passably clean and in full working order.`Miracles do happen!!

An Early Night!

Robbie often promises me an early night but for all sorts of reasons we don't get to bed until much later than planned. So earlier this week it was a nice change to find ourselves in bed reasonably early. Robbie went through his usual rituals including setting the alarm on his blackberry so that it would wake the alarm clock up. Then he reached across and picked up a yellow A4 folder containing early copies of Model Rail magazine, he proceeded to tell me about the history of the magazine, the variations in content over the years - he even listed the issues that were missing from his collection. I was wide awake when I went to bed, but it is surprising how quickly I fell asleep!

The Things You Do For Love!

I have always known that Robbie and I have different tastes. Mostly I give in to his demands because I love him, I even let him eat onion rings - but I don't let him get anywhere near me afterwards! I can cope with his fashion sense, his music, his railway obsession and countless other things, but I have my limits. On Wednesday evening he begged me to do something that was way beyond my comfort zone, I told him that it was too weird, but eventually I gave in and let him watch Fred Dibnah on TV!!

Being Anal

I was reading a thread on a forum the other day about the things that people are anal about, it made me laugh out loud because the very first post could have been describing Robbie.


"....he emerges from the bathroom holding the toothpaste asking who has failed to squeeze from the bottom of the tube!"


As I read on I realised that so many of the posts could have been describing Robbie. Someone wrote about their partner driving them mad by constant checking and commenting on railway and bus timetables. Surely there can't be anyone else as bad as Robbie for doing that - or do all train planners take their quail maps to bed with them?


Another common theme was having to have tea or coffee made in exactly the right way. Robbie is impossible about the way his coffee has to be made and he criticises me every time I make coffee for him, so I find it easier to let him make it himself.


Robbie even has strong opinions about the loo roll! According to him it unrolls more efficiently if the end is on top rather than underneath. I don't think I even notice which way round it is, why would anyone obsess about anything so trivial?


In the interest of fairness I should perhaps admit to the one thing mentioned that I am obsessive about - black ink! Blue ink should never ever be used, black
looks so much nicer. Robbie is into pens in a big way, especially Parker pens, he could talk forever about all the different designs - and if anyone borrows his pens it is a hanging offence!


When I first met Robbie I thought it was odd that he counted the stairs every time he went up or down, but I soon realised that was mild, Robbie counts everything. This evening I caught him counting the increasing revs on the washing machine spin cycle, he could tell the speed just by listening to it and when it reached the maximum speed of 1400 he got so excited - seriously weird and more than a little autistic!

Back to Norfolk

My mum and step father (David) had asked us to go back to Norfolk for an overnight stay on Friday to help them with the packing and to bring their larger items of luggage home. David is feeling very frail at the moment because he has kidney cancer and he is a awaiting an operation to remove his kidney, so things that he used to do easily now leave him feeling totally exhausted. We were pleased to be able to help, so late on Friday afternoon we drove back to Walcott. As well as packing and loading the car we found time to take an evening walk by the sea, it was lovely, there is something so special about that place.

We were up early the next morning, to get the final cleaning and packing done, before long the car was packed, and Robbie and I took one last walk by the sea. The beach has changed so much in the last couple of weeks and some of the bungalows already have their shutters up ready for the winter. I wish I could turn back time to keep the summer and have our fortnight in Walcott ahead of us again. Reluctantly we said farewell to the bungalow and drove away from Walcott - but we only went as far as Mundesley. We parked the car and walked down to the beach to sit in the sunshine looking out at the sea and just enjoying being together. Then we went for breakfast at the cafe before heading home.

The Last Word

I wonder about Robbie sometimes, he does the strangest things and when I mention it to him he always acts as if whatever he is doing is totally normal. He did exactly that this week when I caught him talking to the cat. I talk to the cat too, but unlike Robbie I don't wait for an answer! On Monday he was standing in the hall saying "hello" to Dave (the cat) and leaving a few moments for the cat to reply before repeating his greeting. After listening to several minutes of this I reminded Robbie that Dave was a cat not a parrot, but Robbie insisted that he always said hello to Dave.

The following day Dave was pestering Robbie because he wanted to be fed. Robbie stopped what he was doing to have a detailed conversation with the cat to explain that it wasn't yet feeding time. I may not have taken any notice of it if he hadn't gone on to explain the position of the big hand and the little hand on the clock that would indicate feeding time. Trying to teach a cat to tell the time really does cross the line from being a little eccentric to being downright odd!

Later this week Dave had misbehaved and Robbie told him in no uncertain terms how displeased he was. Robbie pointed at Dave as he ranted and Dave (who was sitting on the top of the laundry basket) waved his front paw at Robbie and made a menacing noise. I am not sure if Robbie understood what Dave 'said' but I am sure I could make a fair guess at his meaning - a short phrase ending in 'off'!!