Tuesday 8 January 2008
Air Gun! (or How to Save 20p) 02.02.07
Robbie and I went to fill the car up and check the tyres this evening, not one of the most exciting jobs, but it turned out to be the funniest thing I have witnessed for ages. Filling the car up was fairly mundane, but checking the tyres was hilarious. Robbie had to alter his routine because they have recently installed a new air machine that takes coins and it only gives a very brief amount of time before demanding more money. Robbie prefers to take the valve caps off and replace them as he goes around, but a new strategy was necessary to outsmart the new machine. He had it all worked out and when we got to the machine he leapt out of the car like a man with a mission. First he took all four caps off, then he grabbed the nozzle of the air lead and held it as if it was a gun. With an 'armed and dangerous' expression on his face, he fed the coins into the machine and set about attacking the first tyre. He raced from one tyre to the next like a man possessed, while Emily and I struggled bravely, but failed to fight back tears of laughter. All that effort just to save 20p!!
The Answer to Rail Congestion - Become a Sheep! 31.01.07
Being a sad sort of person, I listen to Radio 4 wall to wall (I even have a radio on the loo!). Last night as I was getting everything ready for Emily's birthday 'Today in Parliament' came on the radio and the railways took centre stage at Transport Questions. It is surprising to hear a government minister say anything that has a clear basis in truth, but I have to admit that the Transport secretary Douglas Alexander was absolutely right when he said that the recent performance of FGW was 'simply unacceptable'. Understatement, truth and brevity - not what we have come to expect from government ministers! Don't worry, it didn't last he was soon back to spouting the usual nonsense about matters that he knew absolutely nothing about. He must have had a deprived childhood because it is clear that he has never seen a train in his life. Imagine growing up without Thomas the Tank Engine, poor man!
The government has apparently set the operating companies a target that a passenger should not have to stand for more than 20 minutes. Well, I suppose FGW meet that by not providing enough floor space for them to stand on, and by thoughtfully providing a cushion of other passengers to keep them upright when they faint! There were lots of horror stories about people having to stand for entire journeys, one woman stood all the way from Kirkcaldy to London. The feeble reason given for overcrowding was that the government has been surprised by the increase in rail passengers - hardly a surprise surely, for years it has been government policy to get us out of our cars and on to public transport!! I really should be more charitable, they must have been surprised that one of their policies is actually working. Maybe astounded would be a more appropriate word, I think most of their polices are for show or for job creation rather than to make a practical difference. True to form, when incapapable of joined up thinking, Douglas Alexander reached for statistics to support his feeble excuses. He said that over a billion journeys were made by rail in the year 2005-6, that is the largest number of journeys taken since 1961. Look out folks, that could be an omen, remember who was getting ready to sharpen his axe in the early sixties - Dr Beeching!
Virgin came in for some criticism too, mainly for their annoying habit of dropping off but not picking up at Milton Keynes (pity they can't do the same with Coventry!). Douglas Alexander claimed that it was due to the wrong kind of platform - too short, I think he is wrong, but he certainly didn't explain himself very well. There were also grumbles about lack of functioning toilets, MP's want a statutory requirement to provide toilets on trains. The most interesting little snippet was that regulation 1/2005 91/6281 specifies a minimum amount of space required for cattle, pigs and sheep when travelling by rail, but there is no such entitlement for human beings. Never mind, I can think of one or two people who would easily qualify under that regulation!!
The government has apparently set the operating companies a target that a passenger should not have to stand for more than 20 minutes. Well, I suppose FGW meet that by not providing enough floor space for them to stand on, and by thoughtfully providing a cushion of other passengers to keep them upright when they faint! There were lots of horror stories about people having to stand for entire journeys, one woman stood all the way from Kirkcaldy to London. The feeble reason given for overcrowding was that the government has been surprised by the increase in rail passengers - hardly a surprise surely, for years it has been government policy to get us out of our cars and on to public transport!! I really should be more charitable, they must have been surprised that one of their policies is actually working. Maybe astounded would be a more appropriate word, I think most of their polices are for show or for job creation rather than to make a practical difference. True to form, when incapapable of joined up thinking, Douglas Alexander reached for statistics to support his feeble excuses. He said that over a billion journeys were made by rail in the year 2005-6, that is the largest number of journeys taken since 1961. Look out folks, that could be an omen, remember who was getting ready to sharpen his axe in the early sixties - Dr Beeching!
Virgin came in for some criticism too, mainly for their annoying habit of dropping off but not picking up at Milton Keynes (pity they can't do the same with Coventry!). Douglas Alexander claimed that it was due to the wrong kind of platform - too short, I think he is wrong, but he certainly didn't explain himself very well. There were also grumbles about lack of functioning toilets, MP's want a statutory requirement to provide toilets on trains. The most interesting little snippet was that regulation 1/2005 91/6281 specifies a minimum amount of space required for cattle, pigs and sheep when travelling by rail, but there is no such entitlement for human beings. Never mind, I can think of one or two people who would easily qualify under that regulation!!
18th Birthday 31.01.07
We had a very ea
rly start today, it is Emily's 18th birthday and we had all adjusted our morning routines slightly to spend some time with Emily while she opened her presents. I have been working on a photo scrapbook for her, it has taken far more time than I anticipated and I am very pleased with the results. Emily loved it and has taken it to school to share with her friends and to have a good laugh at the funny photos and the terrible clothes she was 'made' to wear when she was younger! I remember feeling that I had been scarred for life by some of the clothes my mum chose for me. I took particular exception to a ruched red swimming costume I was only about two or three, but it made me look like the michelin man's daughter! After that I developed a mind of my own and try as she might my mum could never get me to wear things
I didn't like. We were looking at Robbie's old photos a few weeks ago and his childhood pictures caused a few giggles. He grew up in the 1970's, the era of extremely skimpy shorts among other 'fashion triumphs'. A number of the pictures make him look as if he is wearing pants rather than shorts - so that is why he insists on wandering around the house in his knickers, I always thought he was stuck in a time warp! Believe me you don't want me to see the photos, far too traumatic!!
rly start today, it is Emily's 18th birthday and we had all adjusted our morning routines slightly to spend some time with Emily while she opened her presents. I have been working on a photo scrapbook for her, it has taken far more time than I anticipated and I am very pleased with the results. Emily loved it and has taken it to school to share with her friends and to have a good laugh at the funny photos and the terrible clothes she was 'made' to wear when she was younger! I remember feeling that I had been scarred for life by some of the clothes my mum chose for me. I took particular exception to a ruched red swimming costume I was only about two or three, but it made me look like the michelin man's daughter! After that I developed a mind of my own and try as she might my mum could never get me to wear things
I didn't like. We were looking at Robbie's old photos a few weeks ago and his childhood pictures caused a few giggles. He grew up in the 1970's, the era of extremely skimpy shorts among other 'fashion triumphs'. A number of the pictures make him look as if he is wearing pants rather than shorts - so that is why he insists on wandering around the house in his knickers, I always thought he was stuck in a time warp! Believe me you don't want me to see the photos, far too traumatic!! Busy Going Nowhere! 30.01.07
Robbie arrived at the station bright and early this morning, having had one of those rare mornings when everything goes as planned and there is no competition for the bathroom, lost phone or missing season ticket. But nothing is as straightforward as it appears, he got to the station with time to spare, and there he stayed. The previous train failed at Long Buckby, blocking the line, and Robbie rang me from an increasingly crowded and uncomfortable train still sitting at the station with the prospect of going nowhere fast! I am starting to think he must be jinxed, but it could be worse, at least he doesn't have to travel by F.G.W!!
Security Blanket 29.01.07
This afternoon found us heading off in the car to see my mum. Robbie sat in the passenger seat engrossed in the National Rail Timetable which he had decided to bring out for a ride. Kids have teddy bears and security blankets, Robbie has Quail maps and timetables! His excuse for reading it on this occasion was to work out the best route to Leicester because Emily has to go for a university visit in a couple of weeks. He could easily have looked it up at work tomorrow, but he uses any excuse to drag that massive timetable around with him. The good news was that we don't have to go via the dreaded Birmingham New Street, the bad news was that Robbie plunged himself into despair when he recalled that he will soon have to survive without his beloved timetable in book form, as in future it will only be available online. I had not thought of Robbie as a Luddite before, but he is certainly not happy with this particular manifestation of progress.
This Way to Plymouth, or Maybe That Way! 28.01.07
Robbie watched one of his DVD's this morning, about the southern holiday routes. He sat there on the bed like the Buddha, competing with the narrator, trying to squeeze in even more exciting little snippets of information about the routes and the stations. I now know all about the peculiarities of Exeter St Davids. Trains to Plymouth could enter and leave the station in opposite directions on either the Southern or Great Western line, that must have caused no end of confusion.
I finally coaxed him out of bed and after a bit of dithering he headed off to town to for the last little bits for Emily's birthday. I wrote him a list of what was needed including 4 sheets of gift wrap and he bought 4 pieces of wrapping paper, nothing more or less. I forgot that train planners have no imagination, when he got home he presented me with 4 sheets of the SAME paper and 2 identical gift tags! He got very upset when I refused to wrap everything up in the same paper because it would be boring. He asked how he was supposed to know if I didn't write down exactly what I wanted! I give up!!
I finally coaxed him out of bed and after a bit of dithering he headed off to town to for the last little bits for Emily's birthday. I wrote him a list of what was needed including 4 sheets of gift wrap and he bought 4 pieces of wrapping paper, nothing more or less. I forgot that train planners have no imagination, when he got home he presented me with 4 sheets of the SAME paper and 2 identical gift tags! He got very upset when I refused to wrap everything up in the same paper because it would be boring. He asked how he was supposed to know if I didn't write down exactly what I wanted! I give up!!
A Bunch of Cowboys
I have watched the decline of the First Great Western service with increasing horror and incredulity. I haven't mentioned it on the blog until today because I didn't have adequate words to express my disgust. They have hardly been out of the headlines recently, and this morning they got a mention on Radio Four's News Quiz. Sandy Toksvik summed it up perfectly when she said that company is aptly named considering it is run by a bunch of cowboys!
Bob the Bouncer 25.01.07
Emily will be 18 on Wednesday and she is having a joint birthday party with her friend next weekend. It has taken weeks of organisation and angst to get this party arranged and I began to think she would be 21 before it was all sorted out! The complications arose because Emily and her friend couldn't agree on exactly what they wanted, and they had some difficulty keeping to their (rather generous) budget. At one point Robbie offered his services on the door to ensure that only invited guests attended. The venue that they chose in the end has it's own door staff so Bob the Bouncer is no longer required. I was astounded to find that he has been invited and I haven't - I'm just paying! So a week on Sunday Robbie and almost 150 eighteen year olds will be partying the night away. I have asked Emily to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble!
Robbie told me that Sam's remark about his gay walk has caused considerable comment. It is best viewed from the back by the way! Emily pointed out that there are a number of tell tale signs that Robbie is in touch with his feminine side. The most obvious is the man bag, he adores bags of all kinds, but he has a little black number that is very 'Graham Norton', it used to be mine, but he adopted it. He carries my handbag for me all the time and the definitive piece of evidence - he looks incredible in an apron!
He tells me that he has been in trouble with his work mates for providing too much information again. This time it was about a fairly intimate operation, among other things! You can't take him anywhere. He is like some boring old man talking about his war wounds. I think I have sorted the problem, if he doesn't stop talking about it I will put it on the blog, I'm sure he doesn't want that.
Robbie told me that Sam's remark about his gay walk has caused considerable comment. It is best viewed from the back by the way! Emily pointed out that there are a number of tell tale signs that Robbie is in touch with his feminine side. The most obvious is the man bag, he adores bags of all kinds, but he has a little black number that is very 'Graham Norton', it used to be mine, but he adopted it. He carries my handbag for me all the time and the definitive piece of evidence - he looks incredible in an apron!
He tells me that he has been in trouble with his work mates for providing too much information again. This time it was about a fairly intimate operation, among other things! You can't take him anywhere. He is like some boring old man talking about his war wounds. I think I have sorted the problem, if he doesn't stop talking about it I will put it on the blog, I'm sure he doesn't want that.
A Good Little Wife!
Robbie told me that one of his colleagues said that he thought I would be shorter than Robbie, petite and a good little wife who does exactly what she is told. No wonder the railways are in such a mess if they employ Neanderthals! I suppose even someone whose cognitive processes have perished from neglect has to be correct once in a while by random chance, so I will admit that I am shorter than Robbie - in fact I'm shorter that most people! The rest is total balderdash. I would accuse him of reading too much Jane Austin, but that would assume he was capable of reading! Whatever the cause he seems to be stuck in some far off century, but he is deluding himself, women have never done as they were told! Why would they when they are clearly superior? God made Adam as a prototype, Eve was definitive version - and women have been giving men the run-around ever since! My mum always told me that women can do anything a man can do, but by using our brains and our common sense we can do it better than them! We may allow men to think they are taking charge when it suits us, but it is all smoke and mirrors, the women are in the driving seat!
Robbie describes me as strong, stubborn, determined, funny, clever, totally honest and outspoken. I can spot a lie instantly and Robbie is convinced that I can do a bit of mind reading too - he doesn't get away with very much! That is probably not what our 'friend from the north' had in mind when he suggested that I was a 'good little wife', but I don't intend to change for anyone. Robbie and I love each other and we respect each other for who we really are rather than trying to change each other. Our marriage is based on laughter and friendship as well as trust and all the usual stuff.
Robbie describes me as strong, stubborn, determined, funny, clever, totally honest and outspoken. I can spot a lie instantly and Robbie is convinced that I can do a bit of mind reading too - he doesn't get away with very much! That is probably not what our 'friend from the north' had in mind when he suggested that I was a 'good little wife', but I don't intend to change for anyone. Robbie and I love each other and we respect each other for who we really are rather than trying to change each other. Our marriage is based on laughter and friendship as well as trust and all the usual stuff.
Ebay as Performance Art! 23.01.07
Robbie is in one of those 'did you know' moods tonight. It is almost 10.30pm and he is going on about the difference between 4 pints and 4 litres, I don't really care, I just know it is a large bottle of milk. Milk consumption has been a bit of an issue recently, we are getting through loads of milk because Sam has developed an obsession with sugar puffs, he is on his third box since last Thursday! It won't last, he will have moved on to another obsession by next week. Sam complained bitterly about his evening meal, he said he was given lamb so often that he would turn into a sheep. He has had lamb once since Christmas, today's meal was pork! He has turned exaggeration into an art form.
Robbie is having an hour on ebay before bed, that's fine by me, but I wish he wouldn't read stuff out to me all the time. He has become the voice of ebay, he reads the listings out with great enthusiasm, but you really have to look at ebay, having it read out loud randomly has much the same effect as reading the telephone directory out loud - it really isn't intended for performance art. If reading out loud to me is not enough to stop me concentrating on what I am doing he sends me links to photos of fictitious liveries every five minutes too. Robbie knows exactly what he is doing, because eventually I give up and go to bed which is precisely what he intended to happen!
Robbie is having an hour on ebay before bed, that's fine by me, but I wish he wouldn't read stuff out to me all the time. He has become the voice of ebay, he reads the listings out with great enthusiasm, but you really have to look at ebay, having it read out loud randomly has much the same effect as reading the telephone directory out loud - it really isn't intended for performance art. If reading out loud to me is not enough to stop me concentrating on what I am doing he sends me links to photos of fictitious liveries every five minutes too. Robbie knows exactly what he is doing, because eventually I give up and go to bed which is precisely what he intended to happen!
Sparky Strikes Again! 22.01.07
Not a very good start to the week, we overslept! I woke up half an hour after Robbie should have left for the station. For the next 15 minutes we were on fast forward, Robbie had the world's fastest shower and shave and made a frantic dash for the station. I hate rushing like that, and Sam was furious about having his morning routine messed up. But by the time Sam and I left for school and work we were only running about five minutes late.
I think it was a busy and frustrating day for both of us, but as soon as Robbie got home I was treated to all the intricate details of his journey to work. We had a lovely meal and I was just looking forward to sitting down with a cup of tea when 'Sparky' Burgess emerged from the kitchen clutching his finger and writhing in pain, he had apparently got an electric shock from the kettle which had then spluttered and died (the kettle, not Robbie). I was happy to cope until tomorrow, but he wasn't taking no for an answer and he dragged me off to Tesco's for a new kettle. What is the attraction of Tesco's, he can't keep away. Oh well, at least I got a cup of tea in the end!
I think it was a busy and frustrating day for both of us, but as soon as Robbie got home I was treated to all the intricate details of his journey to work. We had a lovely meal and I was just looking forward to sitting down with a cup of tea when 'Sparky' Burgess emerged from the kitchen clutching his finger and writhing in pain, he had apparently got an electric shock from the kettle which had then spluttered and died (the kettle, not Robbie). I was happy to cope until tomorrow, but he wasn't taking no for an answer and he dragged me off to Tesco's for a new kettle. What is the attraction of Tesco's, he can't keep away. Oh well, at least I got a cup of tea in the end!
Lofty Ideas 22.01.07
Robbie has been extremely irritating today. Before we got up this morning we got into a verbal dispute about the location of Northampton, he simply will not believe that we are in the East Midlands despite overwhelming evidence. In the end he reached over to his book case and I thought the dreaded Quail map was coming out again. I had intended to hide it after being treated to an incredibly detailed account of the route taken during his marathon journey from Leeds to Birmingham on Thursday. My efforts would have been pointless because he produced the Bakers Railway Atlas instead, and knowing that he had lost the argument, he attempted to bore me into submission!
I retreated to the bathroom for a relaxing bath, but Robbie was not far behind. By this point he was bleating about the exact location of Walsall (unless last weeks gales were more devastating than we have been led to believe, I suspect it is still in the same place!). I thought he needed something to distract him, so I asked him to go up to the loft to get some items that he had squirreled away before Christmas. I find it hard to get into the loft so I have to rely on Robbie, but as usual he got really possessive about it and seemed to require my request in triplicate giving detailed reasons for wanting my own stuff back. Somewhere hidden inside that train planner there is a bureaucrat fighting to get out! Sanity won, and with a bit of huffing and puffing he went up to the loft and reluctantly liberated most of the things I needed.
I shopped for food on Thursday and again on Saturday but once again Robbie asked to go to Tesco Express this evening. Every sunday evening he finds a compelling reason to drag me off to Tesco's, I am beginning to think he must have a woman hidden away there! He means well, but today was definitely one of his annoying days; never mind, I can send him to work tomorrow, I'm sure they must be used to him by now!
I retreated to the bathroom for a relaxing bath, but Robbie was not far behind. By this point he was bleating about the exact location of Walsall (unless last weeks gales were more devastating than we have been led to believe, I suspect it is still in the same place!). I thought he needed something to distract him, so I asked him to go up to the loft to get some items that he had squirreled away before Christmas. I find it hard to get into the loft so I have to rely on Robbie, but as usual he got really possessive about it and seemed to require my request in triplicate giving detailed reasons for wanting my own stuff back. Somewhere hidden inside that train planner there is a bureaucrat fighting to get out! Sanity won, and with a bit of huffing and puffing he went up to the loft and reluctantly liberated most of the things I needed.
I shopped for food on Thursday and again on Saturday but once again Robbie asked to go to Tesco Express this evening. Every sunday evening he finds a compelling reason to drag me off to Tesco's, I am beginning to think he must have a woman hidden away there! He means well, but today was definitely one of his annoying days; never mind, I can send him to work tomorrow, I'm sure they must be used to him by now!
Information Overload 20.01.07
Here is part 2 of Sam's description of Robbie. They are incredibly alike in so many ways, but of course neither of them would admit it!
Robbie is always moaning at me because I am untidy. I am a bit disorganised, but he is untidy too and he never admits it. He puts everything in piles all over the place and he hates throwing things away. He has piles of magazines everywhere and there are trains taking over the house. Just because I don't put my stuff in piles like he does he moans at me for being untidy. Mum moans at him about his magazines sometimes and if she is really cross she calls him 'haemorrhoid man' because of all the piles. That makes me laugh.
Robbie helps me with my computer and he talks mum into letting me do things when she says no. Sometimes we watch films together, he knows quite a lot about films and so do I. When we argue mum gives Robbie that sort of look that tells you are in big trouble and she asks him "Who's the adult?" He isn't always good at being an adult because he says he is a toyboy. I am not sure what one is really. Action man is a toy and male but Robbie isn't like him, I don't think Robbie likes action stuff and I don't think Action Man knows about trains. The other boy toy is Barbie's boyfriend Ken and he looks a bit gay, mum says that Robbie has a gay walk sometimes but he is not like Ken. Mum told me that Robbie says he is a toyboy to make her feel old, he doesn't need to bother because I make her feel old anyway, she is always telling me that.
Robbie takes me on train journeys, I like that, but I don't see the point in writing down numbers and things like he does. I just like being comfortable on the train with my laptop. We do have lots of things in common. I have to learn not to make people bored by going on and on about Superman and films and stuff. Sometimes mum pretends to go to sleep when I am talking to her. If we ask Robbie about trains we get information overload and mum has to tell Robbie to stop talking because she is losing the will to live. Sometimes when she asks him a question she says she only wants the brief version, but he is not very good at being brief.
Robbie is always moaning at me because I am untidy. I am a bit disorganised, but he is untidy too and he never admits it. He puts everything in piles all over the place and he hates throwing things away. He has piles of magazines everywhere and there are trains taking over the house. Just because I don't put my stuff in piles like he does he moans at me for being untidy. Mum moans at him about his magazines sometimes and if she is really cross she calls him 'haemorrhoid man' because of all the piles. That makes me laugh.
Robbie helps me with my computer and he talks mum into letting me do things when she says no. Sometimes we watch films together, he knows quite a lot about films and so do I. When we argue mum gives Robbie that sort of look that tells you are in big trouble and she asks him "Who's the adult?" He isn't always good at being an adult because he says he is a toyboy. I am not sure what one is really. Action man is a toy and male but Robbie isn't like him, I don't think Robbie likes action stuff and I don't think Action Man knows about trains. The other boy toy is Barbie's boyfriend Ken and he looks a bit gay, mum says that Robbie has a gay walk sometimes but he is not like Ken. Mum told me that Robbie says he is a toyboy to make her feel old, he doesn't need to bother because I make her feel old anyway, she is always telling me that.
Robbie takes me on train journeys, I like that, but I don't see the point in writing down numbers and things like he does. I just like being comfortable on the train with my laptop. We do have lots of things in common. I have to learn not to make people bored by going on and on about Superman and films and stuff. Sometimes mum pretends to go to sleep when I am talking to her. If we ask Robbie about trains we get information overload and mum has to tell Robbie to stop talking because she is losing the will to live. Sometimes when she asks him a question she says she only wants the brief version, but he is not very good at being brief.
Close Encounters of the Scary Kind 20.01.07
Robbie finally arrived home exhausted but triumphant at about 11.40pm. You may wonder what he found to be triumphant about after such a frustrating day - it was the outstanding performance of the Voyager toilets during the 12 hours it took to make the journey from Glasgow to Birmingham. I know we have to count our blessings, but that is just weird!
Our plans for the weekend have changed due to the problems caused by the gales yesterday, so Robbie will be out in the garden bright and early to make an attempt on his record. With a bit of luck (and careful supervision) he may even be able to get the fence to stay up for a whole week! Practice makes perfect, or so they say.
Robbie woke up late this morning feeling somewhat bleary eyed after his adventure yesterday. He made it to the bathroom without incident, but as he made a quick dash back to the bedroom wearing little more than a smile, he encountered a man on the landing. There was a scream of surprise followed by a string of expletives before he returned to the bedroom looking as if the devil was after him. The man in question was superman, life size and incredibly life like as he leaned against the door to the airing cupboard looking across at Sam's bedroom. Sam had decided to put him outside his bedroom, and of course being Sam there is always an interesting reason for his actions. He didn't like having the life sized cut-out in his bedroom because he didn't like to think he was being looked at while he was asleep. He had therefore decided to put him outside his room, to guard the door and deter unwelcome visitors. It certainly made an impression on Robbie! Sam has Asperger Syndrome and although it is incredibly difficult for him to cope with the ordinary matters of daily life, this was one of those occasions when the result of his behaviour was extremely funny.
Our plans for the weekend have changed due to the problems caused by the gales yesterday, so Robbie will be out in the garden bright and early to make an attempt on his record. With a bit of luck (and careful supervision) he may even be able to get the fence to stay up for a whole week! Practice makes perfect, or so they say.
Robbie woke up late this morning feeling somewhat bleary eyed after his adventure yesterday. He made it to the bathroom without incident, but as he made a quick dash back to the bedroom wearing little more than a smile, he encountered a man on the landing. There was a scream of surprise followed by a string of expletives before he returned to the bedroom looking as if the devil was after him. The man in question was superman, life size and incredibly life like as he leaned against the door to the airing cupboard looking across at Sam's bedroom. Sam had decided to put him outside his bedroom, and of course being Sam there is always an interesting reason for his actions. He didn't like having the life sized cut-out in his bedroom because he didn't like to think he was being looked at while he was asleep. He had therefore decided to put him outside his room, to guard the door and deter unwelcome visitors. It certainly made an impression on Robbie! Sam has Asperger Syndrome and although it is incredibly difficult for him to cope with the ordinary matters of daily life, this was one of those occasions when the result of his behaviour was extremely funny.
Bob the Builder and the Blustery Day 18.01.07
What a day! The gale force winds came as predicted and our newly repaired fence went from the vertical to the horizontal. That's what happens when you rely on 'Bob the Builder' to fix the fence! We also lost a few tiles from the roof - and my bank account lost hope. Even if we can claim something on the insurance policy, replacing the fence and repairing the roof will cost a fortune. There was lots of damage in the area near our home too, we have a lovely park not far away and a number of trees have fallen down including a lovely mature tree that has been completely uprooted.
Robbie had to go back to Leeds today so he was up at the crack of dawn to be at the station just after 6am. I wasn't too happy about it because it was already very windy and there were already speed restrictions in place so it didn't seem sensible to go all the way to Leeds and end up stranded. He agreed to leave early in order to get home at a reasonable hour as the speed restrictions would make his journey much slower.
Robbie caught his train to return from Leeds at 2.10pm. It finally arrived in Birmingham 344 minutes late, it had been stopped by obstructions and accidents three times so it had to be taken back to York and eventually managed to get to Birmingham via Doncaster. I am writing this at 10.40pm and he is still on his way home, he is now on a train to Northampton and he hopes to reach the station by 11.30pm. I have been worried about him, but I also feel cross because the entire episode was avoidable. The gales had been predicted for a couple of days, there were already speed restrictions in place and chaos was the inevitable result. Yet he still chose to travel and the train operating companies were still happily selling day return tickets when the odds of arriving at their destination were not good and the chance of getting home again was minimal. Surely we should expect more in the way of joined up thinking from the train operating companies.
Robbie had to go back to Leeds today so he was up at the crack of dawn to be at the station just after 6am. I wasn't too happy about it because it was already very windy and there were already speed restrictions in place so it didn't seem sensible to go all the way to Leeds and end up stranded. He agreed to leave early in order to get home at a reasonable hour as the speed restrictions would make his journey much slower.
Robbie caught his train to return from Leeds at 2.10pm. It finally arrived in Birmingham 344 minutes late, it had been stopped by obstructions and accidents three times so it had to be taken back to York and eventually managed to get to Birmingham via Doncaster. I am writing this at 10.40pm and he is still on his way home, he is now on a train to Northampton and he hopes to reach the station by 11.30pm. I have been worried about him, but I also feel cross because the entire episode was avoidable. The gales had been predicted for a couple of days, there were already speed restrictions in place and chaos was the inevitable result. Yet he still chose to travel and the train operating companies were still happily selling day return tickets when the odds of arriving at their destination were not good and the chance of getting home again was minimal. Surely we should expect more in the way of joined up thinking from the train operating companies.
PJ Problems! 17.01.07
Robbie had a busy day, he was up at the crack of dawn to go to Leeds. The trains were a little kinder to him today and he arrived at his meeting on time.
Robbie is still smarting about the loss of his torn pair of PJ bottoms or 'lounge wear' as he insists on calling them. I put them in the bin a couple of weeks ago and he appears to be still in mourning for them. Of course it is not a simple case of replacing them, there is the little matter of bad taste to be considered. Even Marks and Spencer's cannot be relied upon to stock garish coloured PJ's with alarming patterns. It takes considerable effort to track down exactly the right pair to fit his personality, so he is still at the research stage.
His remaining PJ bottoms were in the wash, so this evening he disappeared upstairs and returned a few minutes later wearing what I can only describe as a pair of workman's overalls without the bib part. They were a sober navy blue colour, but they were about a foot too long for him and they made him a very peculiar shape. For some reason he wore them for the whole evening with the M&S price tag still attached to his bottom and this didn't enhance the image, the tag looked like a tail. I couldn't help enquiring what they were meant to be, and he explained that they were lightweight leisure trousers from Marks and Spencer's. Unlikely as it sounds, they are ten times worse than the PJ's and I am actually encouraging him to replace his 'lounge wear'!!!
Robbie is still smarting about the loss of his torn pair of PJ bottoms or 'lounge wear' as he insists on calling them. I put them in the bin a couple of weeks ago and he appears to be still in mourning for them. Of course it is not a simple case of replacing them, there is the little matter of bad taste to be considered. Even Marks and Spencer's cannot be relied upon to stock garish coloured PJ's with alarming patterns. It takes considerable effort to track down exactly the right pair to fit his personality, so he is still at the research stage.
His remaining PJ bottoms were in the wash, so this evening he disappeared upstairs and returned a few minutes later wearing what I can only describe as a pair of workman's overalls without the bib part. They were a sober navy blue colour, but they were about a foot too long for him and they made him a very peculiar shape. For some reason he wore them for the whole evening with the M&S price tag still attached to his bottom and this didn't enhance the image, the tag looked like a tail. I couldn't help enquiring what they were meant to be, and he explained that they were lightweight leisure trousers from Marks and Spencer's. Unlikely as it sounds, they are ten times worse than the PJ's and I am actually encouraging him to replace his 'lounge wear'!!!
Robbie - by Sam. 16.01.07
Sam, has decided to describe Robbie from his point of view, he had a bit of help from his sisters too.
Robbie is a bit weird in some ways. He is very interested in clothes but he is really retro like he is stuck in the 80's. His favourite clothes are PJ bottoms, he calls them 'lounge wear' and he wears them all the time at home if he can get away with it. Mum makes him wear a T shirt with it because he is not allowed to eat meals without a top on, she says he is worse than Stan Ogden, but I don't know who he is (I expect he is dead, most people that she talks about are dead). Robbie also likes wearing the T shirts that he buys at gigs, but sometimes mum says "you can't go outside wearing that or you will get arrested" he tries to argue but he always has to change. There is a T shirt that he really wants but mum won't him buy it because she says it is blasphemous, that makes Robbie laugh, then we all laugh and mum gets cross. He likes big patterns and bright colours, you should see the shorts that he wears on the beach, they are very loud - just like Robbie really!
Sometimes I borrow Robbie's socks and that makes him really mad, and whatever pair I have nicked he always claims they were his best pair! He used to wear boxers but they bunched up and mum said it made him look like Gandhi (that is someone else who is dead, he used to wear a thing that looked like a big nappy). Now he wears trunks (Robbie not Gandhi) and he likes them better because they are more comfortable.
Emily says he has a sort of skater style and Laura calls him a 'geek with chic' but I think weird sums it up best. He has a thing about shoes too, he collects them, he loves Dr Marten's and he likes converse too, they have to be bright colours, in fact the stranger the better as far as he is concerned.
Robbie eats revolting things like black pudding and dripping, he dips bread in his gravy and sometimes he even eats ostrich burgers - disgusting!
Sometimes Emily tells him off for keeping evil things in the fridge, she is a veggie so she gets a bit stressy sometimes.
In some ways Robbie is like me because we both like facts and details and we don't like people to mess up our routines. The person who is most like Robbie is our little sister, they look so alike and she is loud, noisy and totally mad too.
Robbie is a bit weird in some ways. He is very interested in clothes but he is really retro like he is stuck in the 80's. His favourite clothes are PJ bottoms, he calls them 'lounge wear' and he wears them all the time at home if he can get away with it. Mum makes him wear a T shirt with it because he is not allowed to eat meals without a top on, she says he is worse than Stan Ogden, but I don't know who he is (I expect he is dead, most people that she talks about are dead). Robbie also likes wearing the T shirts that he buys at gigs, but sometimes mum says "you can't go outside wearing that or you will get arrested" he tries to argue but he always has to change. There is a T shirt that he really wants but mum won't him buy it because she says it is blasphemous, that makes Robbie laugh, then we all laugh and mum gets cross. He likes big patterns and bright colours, you should see the shorts that he wears on the beach, they are very loud - just like Robbie really!
Sometimes I borrow Robbie's socks and that makes him really mad, and whatever pair I have nicked he always claims they were his best pair! He used to wear boxers but they bunched up and mum said it made him look like Gandhi (that is someone else who is dead, he used to wear a thing that looked like a big nappy). Now he wears trunks (Robbie not Gandhi) and he likes them better because they are more comfortable.
Emily says he has a sort of skater style and Laura calls him a 'geek with chic' but I think weird sums it up best. He has a thing about shoes too, he collects them, he loves Dr Marten's and he likes converse too, they have to be bright colours, in fact the stranger the better as far as he is concerned.
Robbie eats revolting things like black pudding and dripping, he dips bread in his gravy and sometimes he even eats ostrich burgers - disgusting!
Sometimes Emily tells him off for keeping evil things in the fridge, she is a veggie so she gets a bit stressy sometimes.In some ways Robbie is like me because we both like facts and details and we don't like people to mess up our routines. The person who is most like Robbie is our little sister, they look so alike and she is loud, noisy and totally mad too.
Terrorise the Traveller 16.01.07
Robbie rang again at 8.10am and he was only at Rugby, at that rate he will get to work at about 11am! Oh well, I can look forward to another evening of him muttering darkly about the state of the railways. At least it will make a change from hearing about the failings of FGW, they seem to be rivalling Network Rail on the Burgess hit list recently.
Rabbits and Parrots 15.01.07
Robbie made my sandwiches for work today, don't get the idea that he makes my lunch every day, he was just trying to win a few brownie points after some minor misdemeanour. When I opened my sandwiches at lunchtime there was a little sticker on the bag informing me that rabbits and parrots can see behind them without moving their heads. So now I can enjoy Robbie's random information even when he is at work!! Incidentally he was so busy thinking about rabbits that he forgot to cut the sandwich up, so I was left to gnaw away at it.
Robbie said I must write about how I got my revenge on him after he tried to make me watch Fred Dibnah on TV. It wasn't really revenge, I made him watch something that I liked instead, it is a program about building motorbikes, called American Chopper. I thought he would find it boring, but he didn't, in fact after a few minutes viewing he was providing a running commentary on the program and I was being distracted by murderous thoughts!
We had an entertaining time while eating our evening meal. Robbie was telling us about his eclectic taste in music which he attributes to the influence of John Peel. By the way eclectic is his 'word of the week' he is trying to broaden his vocabulary. For some reason the conversation turned to the Jackson Five, the children seem alarmingly well informed on the subject, but Robbie was woefully ignorant. He claimed that until today he had no idea that it was a male group, how ridiculous. His only excuse was that he was too young to remember them!
Robbie said I must write about how I got my revenge on him after he tried to make me watch Fred Dibnah on TV. It wasn't really revenge, I made him watch something that I liked instead, it is a program about building motorbikes, called American Chopper. I thought he would find it boring, but he didn't, in fact after a few minutes viewing he was providing a running commentary on the program and I was being distracted by murderous thoughts!
We had an entertaining time while eating our evening meal. Robbie was telling us about his eclectic taste in music which he attributes to the influence of John Peel. By the way eclectic is his 'word of the week' he is trying to broaden his vocabulary. For some reason the conversation turned to the Jackson Five, the children seem alarmingly well informed on the subject, but Robbie was woefully ignorant. He claimed that until today he had no idea that it was a male group, how ridiculous. His only excuse was that he was too young to remember them!
Weighty Thoughts. 14.01.07
Robbie still manages to surprise me. Last night when we went to bed he had been quiet for a few minutes and I was just settling down to sleep when out of the blue he announced "it's amazing how heavy 5kg of water is".
I was so bemused by where he had plucked this random thought from that I forgot to tell him that 5kg of anything weighs 5kg - no more, no less! For some reason he had been thinking about the water tank in our condenser tumble dryer! Once he gets on to his random ramblings there is no stopping him, so I fell asleep with him muttering about replacing the gasket on the freezer and something about the Railway line between Northampton and Birmingham being closed next May - nothing new there!
Today Robbie needed me to take him to get more nails and stuff for the fence. We did the shopping, but Robbie didn't finish the fencing and he didn't even start on the repair to the shed roof. Perhaps this is because I refused to let him go out in the garden in his PJ's, our neighbours couldn't stand the shock!
According to Robbie one of his colleagues told him that he needs to watch more TV, I'm not sure why. This evening he attempted to act on that advice, believe it or not he wanted to watch Fred Dibnah! I'm fairly tolerant, but that is a step too far - TV to top yourself by! Needless to say we didn't watch it, and he can tell his mate to keep his good advice to himself, however innocent. I can't believe he seriously thought I would enjoy watching Fred Dibnah!!
I was so bemused by where he had plucked this random thought from that I forgot to tell him that 5kg of anything weighs 5kg - no more, no less! For some reason he had been thinking about the water tank in our condenser tumble dryer! Once he gets on to his random ramblings there is no stopping him, so I fell asleep with him muttering about replacing the gasket on the freezer and something about the Railway line between Northampton and Birmingham being closed next May - nothing new there!
Today Robbie needed me to take him to get more nails and stuff for the fence. We did the shopping, but Robbie didn't finish the fencing and he didn't even start on the repair to the shed roof. Perhaps this is because I refused to let him go out in the garden in his PJ's, our neighbours couldn't stand the shock!
According to Robbie one of his colleagues told him that he needs to watch more TV, I'm not sure why. This evening he attempted to act on that advice, believe it or not he wanted to watch Fred Dibnah! I'm fairly tolerant, but that is a step too far - TV to top yourself by! Needless to say we didn't watch it, and he can tell his mate to keep his good advice to himself, however innocent. I can't believe he seriously thought I would enjoy watching Fred Dibnah!!
Decisions, Decisions. 14.01.07
I suppose after my first entry on the blog, you didn't ever think you'd see another entry from me....!!!
Well, what a weird weekend it has been. As Chris explained yesterday the garden fence had blown down and was laying on the lawn trying to look like decking. Meg (our neurotic border collie) does not like to be looked at especially by the scraggy mutt from next door but one and she was afraid to go out in the garden while the fence was down because everyone could see her. She likes walks, but the garden is her domain, she likes to have a wander and sniff around the garden, she checks on the rabbit and trades occasional insults with Archie the little dog next door. Meg may be a bit mad, but she is a lovely dog and we couldn't risk losing her, so while the fence was down she couldn't use the garden. She was disgusted!
The fence wasn't just a 'quick fix' job, it needed some DRASTIC first aid! I was faced with quite a dilemma, to go 'Plastic Pig' bashing for the last time or to have some 'QUALITY TIME' with Chris and do my duty and fix the fence. Decisions, decisions.....In the end I made as Chris described it 'my FIRST adult decision', to have a lie-in with my dear wife and then to fix the fence. I don't mind so much getting up to go 'cranking' or 'bashing' but on a weekend especially in the winter, you need to charge your batteries and think of yourself rather than trying to replicate the Monday to Friday getting up time of 05.45.....! In the end I made the RIGHT choice! The fence is now restored to an upright position, it will need more work, but at least Meg's routine has returned to normal. Tomorrow I have to re roof the shed!
Well, what a weird weekend it has been. As Chris explained yesterday the garden fence had blown down and was laying on the lawn trying to look like decking. Meg (our neurotic border collie) does not like to be looked at especially by the scraggy mutt from next door but one and she was afraid to go out in the garden while the fence was down because everyone could see her. She likes walks, but the garden is her domain, she likes to have a wander and sniff around the garden, she checks on the rabbit and trades occasional insults with Archie the little dog next door. Meg may be a bit mad, but she is a lovely dog and we couldn't risk losing her, so while the fence was down she couldn't use the garden. She was disgusted!
The fence wasn't just a 'quick fix' job, it needed some DRASTIC first aid! I was faced with quite a dilemma, to go 'Plastic Pig' bashing for the last time or to have some 'QUALITY TIME' with Chris and do my duty and fix the fence. Decisions, decisions.....In the end I made as Chris described it 'my FIRST adult decision', to have a lie-in with my dear wife and then to fix the fence. I don't mind so much getting up to go 'cranking' or 'bashing' but on a weekend especially in the winter, you need to charge your batteries and think of yourself rather than trying to replicate the Monday to Friday getting up time of 05.45.....! In the end I made the RIGHT choice! The fence is now restored to an upright position, it will need more work, but at least Meg's routine has returned to normal. Tomorrow I have to re roof the shed!
Flying Pigs 12.01.07
Robbie has been forgiven! I was annoyed yesterday, but he was forgiven by bedtime, life is too short to waste it arguing. He eventually went to sleep last night talking about plastic pigs, he woke up this morning still talking about plastic pigs and every conversation with him today has included a reference to his burning desire to have one last ride on a plastic pig on Saturday.
Our garden fence has blown down and needs patching until we can have it replaced, I have the usual weekend pile of washing and ironing, the light fitting in the lounge needs changing and all the usual housework has to be done. The jobs will still be there on Sunday so how can I possibly stop him going if he wants to.
Robbie is not the only man in my life to cause aggravation recently, Sam has been working overtime on the annoying behaviour too. For some reason he has developed an obsessive interest in tea bags despite never drinking tea himself. Someone must have told him that proper tea is made in a pot with tea leaves, and from that snippet he has developed the belief that it is cruel to confine tea in tea bags. He has become a one man tea liberation front and he has been cutting open tea bags and releasing the tea. I keep finding tea leaves in the weirdest places. I don't know where he gets his ideas from!
I hope you like the picture, I was just messing around. Plastic pigs are class 442 EMU's and they are being withdrawn. Tomorrow is their final day of service.
Our garden fence has blown down and needs patching until we can have it replaced, I have the usual weekend pile of washing and ironing, the light fitting in the lounge needs changing and all the usual housework has to be done. The jobs will still be there on Sunday so how can I possibly stop him going if he wants to.
Robbie is not the only man in my life to cause aggravation recently, Sam has been working overtime on the annoying behaviour too. For some reason he has developed an obsessive interest in tea bags despite never drinking tea himself. Someone must have told him that proper tea is made in a pot with tea leaves, and from that snippet he has developed the belief that it is cruel to confine tea in tea bags. He has become a one man tea liberation front and he has been cutting open tea bags and releasing the tea. I keep finding tea leaves in the weirdest places. I don't know where he gets his ideas from!
I hope you like the picture, I was just messing around. Plastic pigs are class 442 EMU's and they are being withdrawn. Tomorrow is their final day of service.
Exscuses, Excuses! 11.01.07
I really needed something to cheer me up this evening and a contributor on one of my favourite message boards posted this. I haven't laughed so much for months.
Motor insurance claims. Many have been around for years, but they still make me laugh.
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early."
"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof."
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo." "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention." "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face" "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished." "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "
"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struckseveral times before."
"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."
"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."
"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."
"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
Motor insurance claims. Many have been around for years, but they still make me laugh.
"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early."
"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof."
"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."
"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo." "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention." "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"
"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face" "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished." "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."
"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."
"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."
"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "
"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struckseveral times before."
"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."
"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."
"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."
"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."
"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."
"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."
Plastic Pigs 11.01.07
Robbie managed to seriously annoy me tonight. It wasn't the usual combination of mild amusement and exasperation, I was seriously angry and ready to deck him. Robbie is a creature of habit and the trouble started this evening when his usual routine was disrupted. There was no conspiracy, it just worked out that way. First he wasn't able to put his briefcase in exactly the position that he usually does. Then Emily and I were preparing the evening meal together and Robbie had a king sized sulk, I would have been overjoyed if someone said I didn't have to cook but Robbie took it as a personal insult. He always makes a coffee, puts his 'lounge wear' on and then helps me in the kitchen, he couldn't cope with a change in his routine.
I am in the unenviable position of having two mother in law's, well almost, Robbie's mum is dead, but he has a step mum. Anyway my mother in law bought us an omelette maker for Christmas and Emily and I decided that it was time to try it out. Robbie announced that he hated omelettes and he hated salad too, he would just have chips. A different meal was cooked for him. He hovered around the kitchen banging stuff around, washing up things that I hadn't finished with, putting away things that I was still using and throwing away the ingredients for my omelette! Despite the adverse circumstances I managed to produce a meal for everyone with an alternative for him. All he had to do was to carry his meal to the table, but he failed to arrive. He was frying himself two eggs while the rest of his meal went cold, he could have done them earlier or asked me to do them for him. For me it was the last straw, I fantasised about creating a head sized dent in the frying pan, but I settled for a bit of 'fortune telling' instead. As we finished our meal he said 'those omelettes looked nice, I think I will try one next time'. I was speechless!!!
He did apologise later. They say that making up is the best part, but Robbie had his own unique ways of trying to get back into my good books. He sent me an email with his latest suggestions for dealing with overcrowding on the railways, I wasn't impressed! Then he asked if he could go out on Saturday because he wants to have one last ride on a Plastic Pig (train). I love him dearly, but just occasionally I wish he was a little more 'normal'. There is one thing to be thankful for - he's not twins!!
I am in the unenviable position of having two mother in law's, well almost, Robbie's mum is dead, but he has a step mum. Anyway my mother in law bought us an omelette maker for Christmas and Emily and I decided that it was time to try it out. Robbie announced that he hated omelettes and he hated salad too, he would just have chips. A different meal was cooked for him. He hovered around the kitchen banging stuff around, washing up things that I hadn't finished with, putting away things that I was still using and throwing away the ingredients for my omelette! Despite the adverse circumstances I managed to produce a meal for everyone with an alternative for him. All he had to do was to carry his meal to the table, but he failed to arrive. He was frying himself two eggs while the rest of his meal went cold, he could have done them earlier or asked me to do them for him. For me it was the last straw, I fantasised about creating a head sized dent in the frying pan, but I settled for a bit of 'fortune telling' instead. As we finished our meal he said 'those omelettes looked nice, I think I will try one next time'. I was speechless!!!
He did apologise later. They say that making up is the best part, but Robbie had his own unique ways of trying to get back into my good books. He sent me an email with his latest suggestions for dealing with overcrowding on the railways, I wasn't impressed! Then he asked if he could go out on Saturday because he wants to have one last ride on a Plastic Pig (train). I love him dearly, but just occasionally I wish he was a little more 'normal'. There is one thing to be thankful for - he's not twins!!
Stormy Forecast 09.01.07
I despair of Robbie. He will be 35 in a couple of months, but when it comes to understanding women he is absolutely clueless. He has noticed that I am feeling a little 'cool' this evening, I think most people could work out why, but not Robbie! We were having a cuddle when I noticed his eyes stray towards the clock. He said 'Oh no!' and pulled away from me as if I had suddenly developed leprosy. I assumed that it must have been something really important to provoke a reaction like that, but he explained that he was upset because he had missed the end of an ebay auction. He wasn't even bidding on a train, it was only a book about the shipping forecast! That certainly illustrated where I come in his list of priorities. Maybe the next time I notice it, I will tell him that the bedroom ceiling needs painting, then we will see how he feels.
Actually the prospect of Robbie armed with a paint brush running amok in the bedroom is sufficient incentive for me to keep my observations to myself, but you get the idea! Robbie eventually noticed that I wasn't overjoyed about coming a poor second to ebay, but his reaction just made matters worse. He remained glued to his laptop and read to me from a web site that had caught his eye. It was the Encyclopaedia of Modern Traction Names - scintillating!! At least it showed me how to get Robbie to understand women, the only way to get his attention would be to write the instructions on the side of a train!!
Actually the prospect of Robbie armed with a paint brush running amok in the bedroom is sufficient incentive for me to keep my observations to myself, but you get the idea! Robbie eventually noticed that I wasn't overjoyed about coming a poor second to ebay, but his reaction just made matters worse. He remained glued to his laptop and read to me from a web site that had caught his eye. It was the Encyclopaedia of Modern Traction Names - scintillating!! At least it showed me how to get Robbie to understand women, the only way to get his attention would be to write the instructions on the side of a train!!
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