“Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked” - Warren Buffet

I am one of those people who doesn't like hot or strong tasting food, but my son a more adventurous attitude to food. He enjoys hot and spicy tastes and one of his favourite treats is hot salsa dip. When I went shopping a couple of days ago I bought him some salsa dip because it was on offer. I was I a bit of a rush when I got home and I absent-mindedly packed it into the fridge with the chilled items. The fridge was rather full so I just tucked items in whatever spaces I could find because I knew the fridge fairy (Robbie) would rearrange it anyway - he always does!

We have a fridge freezer with the freezer at the bottom and the fridge above and I find it hard to reach  the top shelves of the fridge. I don't know why I put the salsa dip in front of the milk on the top shelf, but it certainly wasn't intended to be a booby trap. The salsa had escaped Robbie's attention on the day of purchase, but it made it's presence felt the following morning. It is Robbies habit to wander downstairs wearing 'not a lot' to make a coffee (tea for me) and to feed the cats. He opened the fridge and reached up to get a new bottle of milk and the glass jar of dip fell from a great height, smashed and splattered everywhere. Thankfully 'everywhere' did not include that sensitive spot that would probably have required a trip to casualty. However it did involve a massive clean up operation which disrupted his morning routine - I was not popular! 

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. Mark Twain

Yesterday evening I put a huge smile on Robbie's face - I brought home several packs of the newly released Lego Olympic Minifigures. He had been waiting for them to be released and they turned up several days early, so when I gave them to him he was really surprised. He sat down at the table with a cup of coffee and set about making his first Olympic minifigures. His little expressions of excitement caused my son and daughter to shake their heads and exchange exasperated looks. My son made two posts on facebook which supped up the situation perfectly.

"You know you're set out for a career in mental health care when your stepdad sits in the corner calling a Lego man beautiful...and you don't question it"

"I would worry when my stepdad says he can feel the difference between a weightlifter and a an athlete... Until I realise he is on about Lego men."

As far as I am concerned it is harmless, it is not especially expensive and it gives the kids something new to disapprove of, it takes the 'spotlight' of my perceived failings. When you think of it that way the minifigures seem much less irritating! 

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a prince

Who needs a handsome prince when they have a Robbie? I thought this little chap (found in our front garden) was perfect just the way he is, he even posed for the camera!

Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober - 1 Thessalonians 5:6 King James Version

Robbie wanted to go out on Friday evening, I wasn't keen because he'd had a very challenging week and I knew that he was very tired and struggling to cope with pain from his back and legs. However it was the anniversary of his friend's death and he needed to meet with other friends to remember better times. I begged him not to be too late home because I was tired too and I didn't want to be too late to bed.

We had spoken on the phone before he went out and I kept my mobile close to me hoping that he would remember his promise not to be too late. It remained silent all evening so I sent him a text to say that I was going to bed and he should ring me when he needed a lift. I sat in bed listening to the radio and doing some writing on my netbook, trying to stay awake. He finally rang to say that he needed picking up at midnight and I asked him to ring me again when he got to Rugby just to make sure that I hadn't dozed off. Time marched on and no call came, so I set off for the station, I thought Robbie had just forgotten ring. 

When I got to the station I began to worry that Robbie may have fallen asleep, so I rang him several times and sent texts for him to contact me, but there was no reply. A stream of people wandered wearily around to the car park indicating that Robbie's train was in, I looked and looked but there was no Robbie. After a brief flurry of activity the car park was still and silent again and I was still there waiting. Time passed very slowly but eventually a few more weary travellers came into view, another train had arrived, but after a brief moment of hope my heart sank, there was no sign of Robbie. By this time I was seriously worried, my mind raced, perhaps he'd had a bad fall, perhaps he had even fallen under a train ........... Finally the truth became clear, a rather confused text from Robbie revealed that he had fallen asleep on the train and ended up in Buckinghamshire. A phone call followed and a rather unhappy Robbie admitted that it would be a long wait for him to make his way back. I wasn't best pleased, but at least he was safe, so I couldn't be too angry. We finally got home at about 2am - not the best start to a weekend! 

"Why didn't you tell me? ......."

Having Robbie in my life means that I am used to strange questions and not to be out done, my son has spent his whole life bombarding me with questions on every imaginable subject. Believe me there is never an easy answer where my son's questions are concerned. Here are two diary entries, my son was 9 or 10 at the time.

...........He was almost back to normal, asking his usual stream of questions.  Among several other things he wanted to know how exactly it is possible to kill 2 birds with one stone! 

...........My son questioned me in detail about the ageing effect of space travel, it made my brain hurt.  He said that if there were identical twins and one went into space while the other stayed behind, one would end up older than the other.  Having thought about it, he must be right, I saw William Shatner on TV not so long ago and all that space travel has clearly taken its toll on him!

Usually my older daughter is more likely to tell me the answers than to ask questions but yesterday she was even more 'random' than Robbie. When I came back from work she came into the lounge and said "Mum, why didn't you tell me about Peter Cook and Dudley Moore?" I was lost for words, there are so many things that I have tried to pass on to my children, but I am fairly sure that Peter Cook and Dudley Moore were not on the list. She went on to tell me that she didn't know that they used to be a double act, but having come across clips of them on YouTube she had discovered that they are very funny. I don't think forgetting to tell her about Pete and Dud makes me a failure as a parent, but it has left me wondering what else I should tell her about.

“A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.” Spanish Proverb

It is not unusual for me to be annoyed with Robbie -  he would probably tell you that being 'in the doghouse' was an almost daily occurrence! That isn't true, of course there are minor irritations and I get annoyed when he rearranges the fridge, hides the recycling bin, puts things out of my reach and leaves the toilet seat in the wrong position (believe me I could come up with a much longer list!) but serious disagreements are much less common. 

We are a very odd and unconventional couple, but it works, I love him more than I could express in words and I know that he feels the same. That is why I worry about him, especially when it comes to looking after his health and well being and I get seriously annoyed when he takes foolish risks with his health. Yesterday he was at the railway station by 6.10am and he didn't get back to Northampton until 11pm. He was asleep on his feet and in so much pain that he could hardly walk! Nothing so important that it is worth risking your health. A friend of his gave him some very sound advice, I just hope he takes notice.
" .......... She speaketh of kind tongue. The railway will break itself without your intervention, and it will heal itself thus. Will the railway fixeth you? The runes say "bugger off". Do less more often; the difference is negligible."

The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you understand every individual word but the sentence still doesn't make sense? Those with experience of building self assembly furniture would probably answer with a resounding yes. Have you come close to tears of frustration when trying to communicate with someone apparently speaks the same language as you? If you have ever had to deal with an overseas call centre the answer is probably yes! For most of us those things may be irritating or even upsetting, but they only happen occasionally and then they are quickly forgotten. 

For people with Asperger Syndrome or Autism communication difficulties are a constant challenge. To some extent it is a hidden disability; people with Asperger Syndrome can often be pedantic and obsessive about certain subjects which other people find exhausting or even irritating. They find social interactions difficult because they are not good at reading or predicting situations and they often struggle to interpret emotions or the subtle subtext of what is being said. However these difficulties can be masked to some extent by a wide vocabulary and good linguistic skills, so other people may not realise that the person has not understood. Instead of being understanding, other people can become hostile and angry. 

On Saturday I met a 45 year old man who has been the victim of online bullying, because he didn't fit in. He hadn't done anything wrong, he was just a bit obsessive about his favourite subjects which other people found annoying. I felt terribly sad when this chap told me that he knows a lot of people, but he has no friends. We chatted for well over an hour and I realised that he is a very knowledgeable, interesting man who means no harm to anyone. I just want to make a plea from the heart, please don't be too quick to judge people who are a bit different because they may have a hidden disability. It takes all sorts to make a world, and just a little bit of understanding and tolerance makes the world of difference. 

Living Dangerously

I often go to bed before Robbie, partly because I need my sleep and partly because I prefer to listen to the radio rather than watch some of the scary stuff that he likes to watch on television. This works quite well for both of us but there is just one problem - Robbie! He doesn't understand the meaning of the word quiet and he always manages to wake me up when he comes to bed. He then falls asleep as soon as head hits the pillow leaving me wide awake unable to get back to sleep and fighting to hang on to the duvet.

On Monday night he decided to take things a step further. He wasn't quite ready for bed but he decided to come upstairs for a chat. He wasn't put off when he found that I was asleep, he just kept asking if I was awake until I woke up. So what was so important that he needed to wake me up at 1.30am? It certainly wasn't something that could be classed as an emergency even in 'Robbie world'. He wanted to inform me that the cat was suffering from flatulence! I told him loud and clear to 'go away' but I wasn't going to escape that easily. He went into great detail about the exact nature of the smell, then he started rambling on about possibly changing the cat's diet. By then I was ready to harm him and he made a hasty retreat.

The next day I asked him why he woke me up and he said he didn't think I was deeply asleep because I wasn't snoring - I give up!!

Catching up in Cornwall

Despite my concerns my son and daughter are having a lovely time in Cornwall. On Saturday morning they enjoyed a long walk along the coast path around Trevose Head towards Harlyn. She took this photo of Mother Ivey's Bay looking towards Merope Rocks, that view holds so many happy memories for me, I wish I was there with them. 

Later in the day they went to Padstow and despite the choppy sea they braved a boat trip around the offshore islands to see the puffins and other sea birds. A boat trip on the Jubilee Queen while on holiday has become a bit of a family tradition, but personally I prefer to keep my feet firmly planted on dry land even on the calmest day! I braved the trip once and I was lucky enough to see puffins, but the braver members of the family have seen dolphins, seals, puffins and many other sea birds.

They spent Sunday visiting their grandparents and then their aunt, uncle and cousins. They even visited Windy Ridge, one of my favourite restaurants. Apparently it has been given a facelift since I last visited, they enjoyed their meal very much; another reason for me to visit Cornwall again very soon! 

Storms batter South West coast as 'monsoon' weather hits Britain - The Telegraph

My younger daughter had spent weeks planning a long weekend in Cornwall with her brother and a friend from university. She really isn't the camping type, but they had arranged to spend the first couple of nights 'under canvas' before moving to more civilised surroundings for the remainder of their stay. She is a confident driver and she has made the journey a couple of times before, but I'm her mum and I can't help worrying especially as she planned to make the journey during the night - and that was before I saw the weather forecast!

"Strong winds, possibly up to gale force, are expected from the afternoon onwards in south-west England particularly Devon and Cornwall," forecaster Mark Seltzer from the Met Office.

When I saw the warnings from the Met Office yesterday I was seriously worried, I wouldn't have enjoyed driving to Cornwall in those conditions and I really wanted her to postpone her journey until the morning.

"Winds will increase this afternoon in Devon and Cornwall and there could be gusts of 60 to 65mph, or even 70mph on exposed coasts and headlands......"

My daughter is as stubborn and determined as her mother and she wasn't going let a little matter of the weather spoil her plans. She is also half Cornish and the call of the sea is very strong - it took her dad years to adapt to living so far from the sea. So soon after midnight they set off on their journey - and I began to worry! I had made sure that they were as well prepared as possible, but I was still worried. It was a very long night but thankfully they got to Padstow in time for breakfast. My daughter said that the journey had been very wet and very windy, so it was a challenging driving experience.

I really wish that they could have had better weather, it sounds as if they had a nice day despite the rain and according to my daughter the sun came out later on. Padstow holds so many happy memories for our family and it is nice to be there whatever the weather. However camping is a different story, I doubt my daughter would have enjoyed it even in perfect summer weather. She wrote on facebook that "Camping is most certainly not for me" and she went on to inform the world that she will be sleeping in the car tonight! Perhaps she will appreciate the comforts of home after this. I hope they stay safe and have a lovely day tomorrow.

Tell the truth and shame the devil

I remember my grandmother telling me to 'tell the truth and shame the devil' when I was a child. I doubt that she knew that she was quoting Shakespeare or that the origins of that phrase dated back even further. She just knew that it was good advice, that it is better and easier to tell the truth even when you are tempted to lie. I am not sure if Robbie received similar good advice, but from what I have been told about his grandmother I suspect he was. However there have been a few occasions when he thought that he could pull the wool over my eyes - he is a slow learner! He always seems surprised when he gets caught out and he asks how I knew. I don't tell him because I like to keep him on his toes, but it can be quite comical. He had heard me tease my brother because his voice becomes noticeable higher in pitch when he departs from the truth so Robbie makes a conscious effort not to to do the same. What he doesn't seem to have noticed is that his accent becomes more 'West Midlands' when he is caught out telling a fib. In fact the other day when he tried to avoid telling the truth he sounded so much like Lenny Henry that I almost burst out laughing. I hope he has finally worked out that it is easier (and safer) for him to just tell the truth!!

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was - Irish Proverb

My son is making a film for his A level coursework and he wanted to incorporate video clips of him as a child, so on Sunday evening I sorted out the old video camera and we took a trip down memory lane.  It is a strange feeling, like looking through a window to the past, but I feel very lucky to have those memories. I watched my son aged about 5 or 6 wearing his Buzz Lightyear pyjamas, opening his birthday presents with his older sisters looking on. It was interesting to observe the dynamics when they were younger and to realise that they may have grown up, but the dynamics haven't changed very much. Next there were clips of all three children taking part in school and Music School concerts, it is confusing those images were so familiar, yet at the same time so remote, as if they happened in another lifetime. 


All this looking back on the past led me to wonder if it had been possible to tell back then how the children would develop and what paths they would chose to follow. I think to some degree the answer is yes, it was clear early on that my older daughter loved learning for it's own sake and it came as no surprise that her early  love of reading and writing developed into a passion for English. We knew early on that our second daughter would work hard to achieve her goals, she is ambitious and she has her father's love of life, she lives life to the full. Perhaps my son's future path was the most difficult to predict, he was always bright but his early ambition was to be a 'trolley pusher' at the supermarket and he resisted any attempt to change his mind. When my aunt suggested that perhaps he would like to be a vet he told her rather sternly that he liked animals from the outside but he didn't think he would like them from the inside! I guess there were indications early on that he would develop a passion for film, but it wasn't clear to me at the time. The thing that was obvious was that he needed to do things in his own unique way and to find his own direction. Perhaps that is the key to successful parenting, to give them as many opportunities and experiences as possible, to encourage and sometimes cajole, but to allow them the space to discover their own strengths. I don't think there are hard and fast rules when it comes to parenting, it is just a case of always doing your best even at those times when you don't think your best is good enough.

Where have all the years gone?

I can remember exactly what I was doing 21 years ago yesterday, I was giving birth to my daughter. I remember it vividly because my husband complained that he couldn't cope with the labour because his chair was uncomfortable - I would willingly have swapped places!! I didn't realise at the time that our second daughter was born on the anniversary of the queen's coronation, I was more concerned that she would be young in her year when she went to school (which has not caused her any problems). Having a birthday in early June has was a good thing because it coincided with half term and we were always on holiday in Cornwall for her birthday. We have some very special memories of beech birthdays and trips to the pony centre to see her favourite pony Munchkin. 


The first time that I realised that there was a connection with the queen was in 2002 when the queen celebrated her golden jubilee. We were in Cornwall and we had a wonderful view of the beacon that was lit a Trevose Head, there was a firework display too. This time my daughter went to London on the day before her birthday to celebrate with her friend and to enjoy some of the excitement of the jubilee celebrations. I think she rather likes sharing her special day with the queen.


Significant anniversaries always leave me wondering where all the time has gone. How can my little girl be 21? it doesn't seem possible. I have so many happy memories (and embarrassing photos) of those growing up years and I am very proud of the young woman she has become. On the subject of embarrassing photos, there are a couple of me dressed as Britannia for the queen's silver jubilee, where has the time gone. I expect the queen asks herself the same question when she looks back on her long reign. It can't be easy to live your life in the spotlight with people feeling that they have the right to criticise and comment on every aspect of her life. We may not have a perfect system, but when I look around and see what other countries have instead, I am glad that we have a monarchy.

"Take time to smell the roses"

I had such a horrible day yesterday, I have been struggling with a bad cough for weeks and it caused me to have an asthma attack at work. It left me feeling dreadful, struggling to breathe and very shaky and scared. When I got home it was clear that Robbie was in so much pain that he was struggling to cope, it make me feel so useless because I can't make it better for him. I think we both had a bad night and I was less than enthusiastic this morning when the alarm clock insisted that it was time to face another day. When I walked out to the car, I noticed that our roses are out, there is a mass of yellow buds on the rose bush near the front door and there are deep pink flowers on the climbing rose at the side of the garage. They must have been in flower for several days but I hadn't noticed. I expect today will still be challenging but taking a few moments to enjoy the roses really brightened my morning.