Robbie came home in a foul mood today. He got so wound up that I learned a couple of 'new words' when he was telling me what had annoyed him so much. I think the term incandescent with rage more or less sums it up! What was the cause of his fury? It was an organisation that regularly has me on my soapbox -the most recent episode was on Monday when I was reading the latest copy of Rail. It isn't really hard to guess - it's Network Rail!!
Every time the I hear the name Network Rail I can feel my blood pressure going through the roof and Robbie's blood pressure must have been stratospheric this evening! I wonder if it could be classed as an industrial injury?! At least I only have to share the same planet with them - and that's challenging enough when they talk such rubbish, but Robbie has to deal with them every day! It is enough to drive him mad.
At least he had plenty to distract him this evening. He went to a Sixth Form open evening with Laura. She wanted to see what the facilities were like at our local boy's school, but she had no real intention of moving from her own school which in my opinion offers a better package and will equip her better for university. She wanted to take Robbie with her rather than me because her friends like him, his accent makes them laugh and they think he is really cool.
Wednesday 19 December 2007
Troublesome Trains 09.01.07
Robbie is being really boring this evening, he is sitting at the table working on the summer timetable, apparently he can't get the necessary trains in the right place on a Friday night ready for the Saturday timetable. He says he needs to download a podcast of Woman's Hour before he comes to bed. When we met he used to tease me about listening to Radio 4, now he is addicted to Woman's Hour! it really is a mad, mad world.
He is trying to keep busy so that I can't give him a hard time about his behaviour last night. I went to bed well after midnight, but Robbie still had to pack his briefcase - it is a Sunday night ritual, he empties everything out of it then packs it all back again. It is a very time consuming operation, like refitting a tardis! You would be amazed what that man feels compelled to carry around with him every day.
I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I remember was thunderous footsteps and our bedroom door being thrown open with such force that it banged against the wall. He called my name loudly, but I chose to remain asleep, after bellowing across the room twice more with no response, he plodded across the room, leaned over me and shook me. He called my name again and shook me, then he asked me if I was asleep! He could have woken the dead by that point, but I chose to stick with my sleepy state and he got no response. He stood up and had a little chat with himself, confirming that I was asleep, then he trundled off to the bathroom. I opened one eye to look at the clock and to my horror it was past 3am! He will need more than his trains rearranging if he does that again!!
He is trying to keep busy so that I can't give him a hard time about his behaviour last night. I went to bed well after midnight, but Robbie still had to pack his briefcase - it is a Sunday night ritual, he empties everything out of it then packs it all back again. It is a very time consuming operation, like refitting a tardis! You would be amazed what that man feels compelled to carry around with him every day.
I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I remember was thunderous footsteps and our bedroom door being thrown open with such force that it banged against the wall. He called my name loudly, but I chose to remain asleep, after bellowing across the room twice more with no response, he plodded across the room, leaned over me and shook me. He called my name again and shook me, then he asked me if I was asleep! He could have woken the dead by that point, but I chose to stick with my sleepy state and he got no response. He stood up and had a little chat with himself, confirming that I was asleep, then he trundled off to the bathroom. I opened one eye to look at the clock and to my horror it was past 3am! He will need more than his trains rearranging if he does that again!!
Sunday Morning Musings 07.01.07
I love lazy Sunday mornings, the rest of the day is usually busy but that extra couple of hours in bed is really special. This morning we found ourselves discussing Robbie's funeral of all things. No, he hasn't driven me to extreme measures yet! I am not sure how we got on to the subject; I think Robbie was talking about his will - such a cheerful little chap!
Perhaps Robbie was thinking about funerals due to the demise of Pauline Fowler – we had disagreed about the horse drawn hearse! He said that the ‘proper’ way was to wear black and to be solemn and dignified. I have sadly had quite a lot of experience of funerals and I genuinely believe that they should be a celebration of a life well lived (however short) and if the person has a faith then it is a beginning not an ending.
I told Robbie that he would have to outlive me otherwise everyone would wear bright clothes at his funeral and we would dance and sing ‘happy clappy’ hymns. I was joking of course (I don’t dance) but he was horrified and insisted that he would leave special instructions in his will! It won’t do him any harm to leave him wondering, you never know, he may find that he prefers my way in the end!
One of the things Robbie and I disagree profoundly on is God. I wouldn't say that we argue as such, we just trade insults! Robbie says that I am too 'happy clappy' and I say that he thinks doctrine has something to do with the NHS! Robbie's God is white, Anglo Saxon, C of E and most definitely male! I still find it hard to believe that inside my unconventional husband there is a traditionalist fighting to get out!
I have no time for all the pomp and ceremony, but Robbie loves it especially the candles and the incense. I am not outwardly unconventional in the way that Robbie is, but deep down I am perhaps more of an individual than him, I have strong, deeply held opinions/beliefs and I won’t follow the majority view unless I believe it is right. I think the conventional term for people like me is 'stubborn'!!
Jumping to a completely different subject, I am pleased to confirm that the Rabbit has been recaptured and (relative) harmony reigns in our household – for the time being anyway!
Perhaps Robbie was thinking about funerals due to the demise of Pauline Fowler – we had disagreed about the horse drawn hearse! He said that the ‘proper’ way was to wear black and to be solemn and dignified. I have sadly had quite a lot of experience of funerals and I genuinely believe that they should be a celebration of a life well lived (however short) and if the person has a faith then it is a beginning not an ending.
I told Robbie that he would have to outlive me otherwise everyone would wear bright clothes at his funeral and we would dance and sing ‘happy clappy’ hymns. I was joking of course (I don’t dance) but he was horrified and insisted that he would leave special instructions in his will! It won’t do him any harm to leave him wondering, you never know, he may find that he prefers my way in the end!
One of the things Robbie and I disagree profoundly on is God. I wouldn't say that we argue as such, we just trade insults! Robbie says that I am too 'happy clappy' and I say that he thinks doctrine has something to do with the NHS! Robbie's God is white, Anglo Saxon, C of E and most definitely male! I still find it hard to believe that inside my unconventional husband there is a traditionalist fighting to get out!
I have no time for all the pomp and ceremony, but Robbie loves it especially the candles and the incense. I am not outwardly unconventional in the way that Robbie is, but deep down I am perhaps more of an individual than him, I have strong, deeply held opinions/beliefs and I won’t follow the majority view unless I believe it is right. I think the conventional term for people like me is 'stubborn'!!
Jumping to a completely different subject, I am pleased to confirm that the Rabbit has been recaptured and (relative) harmony reigns in our household – for the time being anyway!
Monday 10 December 2007
It's a Date! 06.01.07
We had to do the supermarket shop today because we are still not back into a proper routine. The shop was too busy for my liking, I prefer to shop on a quieter day. Robbie was a bit challenging because I bought more frozen stuff than usual and it put his trolley packing out and he gets very upset if I change things. I get quite frustrated with him at times and it is a miracle that he survived the checkouts today!
Later in the afternoon I was eating a date - left over from Christmas. Robbie has never tasted a date - apparently they don't have anything so exotic in the north! He asked me where they came from, it was on the tip of my tongue to say Tesco, when I realised he was asking about their origin. I thought he was teasing me, but when I told him that they grew on date palms he wouldn't believe me. He was deeply suspicious about it and in the end he had to look it up on the internet before he would believe that dates grow on palm trees (Phoenix dactylifera to be exact).
His head is crammed with a diverse and mostly irrelevant collection of facts, but just occasionally we stumble across something that he doesn't know anything about. I can guarantee that he will know so much about dates by Monday that he will bore his workmates to the point of tears - so beware, you have been warned!
Later in the afternoon I was eating a date - left over from Christmas. Robbie has never tasted a date - apparently they don't have anything so exotic in the north! He asked me where they came from, it was on the tip of my tongue to say Tesco, when I realised he was asking about their origin. I thought he was teasing me, but when I told him that they grew on date palms he wouldn't believe me. He was deeply suspicious about it and in the end he had to look it up on the internet before he would believe that dates grow on palm trees (Phoenix dactylifera to be exact).
His head is crammed with a diverse and mostly irrelevant collection of facts, but just occasionally we stumble across something that he doesn't know anything about. I can guarantee that he will know so much about dates by Monday that he will bore his workmates to the point of tears - so beware, you have been warned!
Grand Ambitions! 05.01.07
Yesterday I came across a really good documentary on Discovery, it was called Trains and was presented by Pete Waterman. Of course being a kind and thoughtful person I saved it on sky plus for Robbie to watch later. Well that's my cover story anyway - I have to confess that I watched it 3 times yesterday, but don't tell Robbie! It was about the role of the railways in the war and it was really interesting. It certainly helped me to understand Silverlink and the way they manage our local station. My theory is that their absolute refusal to pass on any information to the public is because no one has told them the war is over! That probably explains those horrible austere uniforms too, they are still living in the days of rationing. It could even explain their miserable faces, I suppose they could just be a cruel freak of nature, but I think it has more to do with their policy of only employing failed undertakers, the ones who couldn't stand the pace. They have only one speed at Northampton Station - dead slow!
Anyway Robbie loved the program and when we had watched it he decided to watch one of his Christmas DVDs called Railway Diaries. I got to choose the station that we would start with and not surprisingly I chose Exeter because I love the route between Exeter and Plymouth. We watched trains coming and going through Exeter Station and we saw the same trains at other points along the route too, but at 1am I had to surrender to sleep. Robbie found the Railway Diaries DVD so exciting that I thought he would burst. He gave me the start and arrival time as well as the exact route of every single train he saw, not to mention providing the name and number of each one. Just a bit obsessive perhaps? It was quite interesting to watch and a much better option than sitting on a cold station in January.
Years ago Grandma suggested that Sam he would perhaps become a vet one day because he is very good with animals. Sam responded with folded arms and his most serious expression, he explained that he didn't want to be a vet because he liked animals from the outside, but he didn't think he would like them from the inside. Grandma was speechless and struggling to hid a smile, but Sam had warmed to his theme and declared that after university he planned to become a trolley pusher at Safeways! Thankfully he now has much grander ambitions. I have to agree with Sam's sentiments, because on cold wintery days I find that trains are much more appealing from the inside than from the outside!
Anyway Robbie loved the program and when we had watched it he decided to watch one of his Christmas DVDs called Railway Diaries. I got to choose the station that we would start with and not surprisingly I chose Exeter because I love the route between Exeter and Plymouth. We watched trains coming and going through Exeter Station and we saw the same trains at other points along the route too, but at 1am I had to surrender to sleep. Robbie found the Railway Diaries DVD so exciting that I thought he would burst. He gave me the start and arrival time as well as the exact route of every single train he saw, not to mention providing the name and number of each one. Just a bit obsessive perhaps? It was quite interesting to watch and a much better option than sitting on a cold station in January.
Years ago Grandma suggested that Sam he would perhaps become a vet one day because he is very good with animals. Sam responded with folded arms and his most serious expression, he explained that he didn't want to be a vet because he liked animals from the outside, but he didn't think he would like them from the inside. Grandma was speechless and struggling to hid a smile, but Sam had warmed to his theme and declared that after university he planned to become a trolley pusher at Safeways! Thankfully he now has much grander ambitions. I have to agree with Sam's sentiments, because on cold wintery days I find that trains are much more appealing from the inside than from the outside!
The Curious Case of the Diasppearing Rabbit (and Trouser Troubles) 04.01.07
I mentioned yesterday that Sam's rabbit has escaped from her hutch. I was prevailed upon to buy her a hutch with access to a large run beneath it so that she had constant access to grass and an exercise area. It is beautifully made, and it provides her with every possible comfort, but there is just one thing that nobody thought about - rabbits burrow! As soon as she moved into her expensive new accommodation she decided that she would make a bid for freedom and within days she had tunnelled under the run and set about exploring her new territory. She is not a cute soft little bunny, she is a rabbit with attitude. She terrorises our dog, sees off the local cats and gives Sam the run-around. She has taken up residence under the shed and happily potters around the garden during the day. She even pops back to her hutch for the latest tasty morsels left to tempt her back, but she is too quick for us and she never stays there long enough to lose her liberty. She has been at large for about three weeks now and all Sam's Baldrick like cunning plans have failed to recapture the fugitive.
I am becoming frustrated by the situation now. With considerable effort I manage to keep Robbie and Sam in order (most of the time) and I am not ready to be outwitted by a rabbit, so I have been forced to invest in a humane rabbit trap and some reinforced wire for the base of the run. The trap should arrive tomorrow and I anticipate that the balance of power in our household will soon be restored.
Robbie is very upset this evening, he has managed to tear his best PJ bottoms, not just a slight tear, a huge, uneven tear at least 12 inches long and in a very embarrassing area. I think he harboured a forlorn hope that I would sew them up for him, but I had to gently explain that they were now beyond human help! I still can't work out how he managed to tear them. Oh well, I hated the things anyway - every cloud has a silver lining, or so they say!
I am becoming frustrated by the situation now. With considerable effort I manage to keep Robbie and Sam in order (most of the time) and I am not ready to be outwitted by a rabbit, so I have been forced to invest in a humane rabbit trap and some reinforced wire for the base of the run. The trap should arrive tomorrow and I anticipate that the balance of power in our household will soon be restored.
Robbie is very upset this evening, he has managed to tear his best PJ bottoms, not just a slight tear, a huge, uneven tear at least 12 inches long and in a very embarrassing area. I think he harboured a forlorn hope that I would sew them up for him, but I had to gently explain that they were now beyond human help! I still can't work out how he managed to tear them. Oh well, I hated the things anyway - every cloud has a silver lining, or so they say!
Running Late - Again! 03.01.07
The children went back to school today. Sam got his bag ready last night and made sure he packed his new book for boys to show to his friend. All his uniform was washed, ironed and ready for him and I felt sure that no unexpected little problems could hold us up this morning. Of course I was wrong! Sam got up looking rather bleary eyed and he had a large perfectly round red sore in the middle of his chin, just below his lower lip. It looked suspiciously like ringworm, but there hadn't been a trace of it last night. Some meaningful questioning followed and Sam explained at length (he is just like Robbie!) that it was the result of an experiment. Apparently he had wondered what would happen if held a bottle against his chin and forced the air out, the resulting suction had caused the sore on his chin! Having failed to wash the sore off, Sam spent more than ten minutes in the make up department (Laura's Bedroom) while she applied skin cream and concealer to his chin!
We had already been delayed by Sam's chin and I urged him to put his school shoes on and hurry up. He had assured me last night that his shoes were clean and ready for school. When he put them on they looked as if he had recently crossed a ploughed field in then, in fact half a field was still stuck to them. We had to stop and clean his shoes, so despite all my plans we were late leaving the house and as usual my blood pressure was sky high. In the car I was treated to Sam's explanation concerning the state of his shoes. It was good even by Sam's standards. He said that he had to wear them in the garden because his rabbit had escaped from her hutch and she didn't want to be caught. I reminded him that he has wellies and old trainers for going into the garden. With a completely straight face he explained that the rabbit preferred his black shoes and he thought that if he wore them the rabbit would let him catch her. She didn't (but more about that tomorrow).
We had already been delayed by Sam's chin and I urged him to put his school shoes on and hurry up. He had assured me last night that his shoes were clean and ready for school. When he put them on they looked as if he had recently crossed a ploughed field in then, in fact half a field was still stuck to them. We had to stop and clean his shoes, so despite all my plans we were late leaving the house and as usual my blood pressure was sky high. In the car I was treated to Sam's explanation concerning the state of his shoes. It was good even by Sam's standards. He said that he had to wear them in the garden because his rabbit had escaped from her hutch and she didn't want to be caught. I reminded him that he has wellies and old trainers for going into the garden. With a completely straight face he explained that the rabbit preferred his black shoes and he thought that if he wore them the rabbit would let him catch her. She didn't (but more about that tomorrow).
Robbie's Ramblings 01.01.07
I have finally got Robbie to write something for the blog, so today I will be handing over to him. I't's a bit soppy, but not bad for a novice! Just before I go, I must remind you not to worry if you see him shopping for women's underwear in Birmingham. He's not a 'tranny' (as far as I know!) but he has to replace certain white items that he managed to turn grey in the wash!! So over to Robbie.
Well, they says there's a first time for everything.....and writing something for my 'ramblings' is I suppose one of them! Chris has threatened that I can't go to bed until I write something for my blog. I suppose I did well to get away with it for so long!
Christmas has come and gone, and now its time to reflect on yet another wonderful Christmas and New Year with Chris and the children in Northampton. To me, Christmas is all about children and families and being part of this family in Northampton means EVERYTHING to me.
Every Christmas Chris says to me (and I always believe her...d'oh!) that she has only bought me a little present, and she was quite insistant about it this year. You can imagine my face when after the children had opened all their presents there was a red sack in the corner unopened. To my AMAZEMENT it was for me!!
So there I was like a kid again, unwraping my presents....railway DVD's galore, a stationary set, a parker pen set, a coat, Hugo Boss aftershave, an ipod speaker docking station, and........................................a 30GB, black, video ipod!!! These days, there are only a few things that bring tears to my eyes (getting married to Chris to name but one), but when I opened the ipod I couldn't help myself! What a lucky boy I was. It has been another GREAT CHRISTMAS..... and I still have loads of railway DVD's to watch!!
Well, they says there's a first time for everything.....and writing something for my 'ramblings' is I suppose one of them! Chris has threatened that I can't go to bed until I write something for my blog. I suppose I did well to get away with it for so long!
Christmas has come and gone, and now its time to reflect on yet another wonderful Christmas and New Year with Chris and the children in Northampton. To me, Christmas is all about children and families and being part of this family in Northampton means EVERYTHING to me.
Every Christmas Chris says to me (and I always believe her...d'oh!) that she has only bought me a little present, and she was quite insistant about it this year. You can imagine my face when after the children had opened all their presents there was a red sack in the corner unopened. To my AMAZEMENT it was for me!!
So there I was like a kid again, unwraping my presents....railway DVD's galore, a stationary set, a parker pen set, a coat, Hugo Boss aftershave, an ipod speaker docking station, and........................................a 30GB, black, video ipod!!! These days, there are only a few things that bring tears to my eyes (getting married to Chris to name but one), but when I opened the ipod I couldn't help myself! What a lucky boy I was. It has been another GREAT CHRISTMAS..... and I still have loads of railway DVD's to watch!!
Happy New Year
The end of the year always seems sad to me, but it is also a time to look forward to another year and perhaps to make some new resolutions. Robbie says that I have embarrassed him quite enough recently, so most of his resolutions will remain private. I don't usually make resolutions, but this year I intend to make a few changes. On a personal level I intend to end 2007 lighter than I am now - OK I know I have made the same promise to myself for at least 20 years, but this year will be the year that I actually act on my good intentions. Anyway, if all else fails, I could shed a stone instantly by de-cluttering my handbag!
On a family level I think we should try to reduce our global footprint. After all modest changes from everyone would combine to make a significant difference to our world. On the subject of footprints it would be nice if Robbie would make his footsteps lighter especially during the night. He is usually the last person to go to bed, but he thunders around like the honey monster. To be fair he adapted his night time routine ages ago to ensure that he made less noise in the bathroom - at least he doesn't wake people up now! It would make a big difference to me if I could get him to walk around the bed instead of climbing across it at night - getting trodden on doesn't improve the quality of my sleep.
We will make an effort to recycle more, to reuse more and to consume less. Robbie has reluctantly agreed that he doesn't need to buy that huge limp lefty newspaper everyday, he never reads it anyway and it makes the recycle bin incredibly heavy. I will cut back on magazines too and I will recycle old ones instead of hoarding them. We need to reduce our energy consumption too, fuel as well as gas and electricity. It is easier said than done but we will try. Of course Robbie is already doing his bit to save energy - by wandering around in his underwear most of the time he creates very little laundry. I am not sure the world is ready for such a drastic solution, surely one Homer Simpson is quite enough!
On a family level I think we should try to reduce our global footprint. After all modest changes from everyone would combine to make a significant difference to our world. On the subject of footprints it would be nice if Robbie would make his footsteps lighter especially during the night. He is usually the last person to go to bed, but he thunders around like the honey monster. To be fair he adapted his night time routine ages ago to ensure that he made less noise in the bathroom - at least he doesn't wake people up now! It would make a big difference to me if I could get him to walk around the bed instead of climbing across it at night - getting trodden on doesn't improve the quality of my sleep.
We will make an effort to recycle more, to reuse more and to consume less. Robbie has reluctantly agreed that he doesn't need to buy that huge limp lefty newspaper everyday, he never reads it anyway and it makes the recycle bin incredibly heavy. I will cut back on magazines too and I will recycle old ones instead of hoarding them. We need to reduce our energy consumption too, fuel as well as gas and electricity. It is easier said than done but we will try. Of course Robbie is already doing his bit to save energy - by wandering around in his underwear most of the time he creates very little laundry. I am not sure the world is ready for such a drastic solution, surely one Homer Simpson is quite enough!
Feeling Blue
The run up to Christmas was totally exhausting for us and we have enjoyed the gentler pace of the last few days. Having caught up on our sleep, we have been able to cope with a few late nights. Robbie is working his way through some of the new train dvd's he had for Christmas, last night we stayed up until past 2am watching old railway films. This inevitably led to waking up late and a lazy morning watching more railway stuff. We watched a film about Cornish branch lines, it was made in 1991 and it was interesting to see how things have changed since, as well as learning loads about the history of the railway in Cornwall. It is the area of the country that I know best and I have travelled on most of the branches, so the film was extra special. Robbie had to spoil it by being an anorak, sitting on the bed wearing nothing but a quail map and arguing with the narrator about the exact length of the various viaducts. Eventually he worked out that I was getting seriously irritated and he decided to preserve his health by being quiet, just as well really as he was in danger of wearing the dvd - internally!
Robbie is very helpful around the house, but occasionally his enthusiasm exceeds his skill. He has been getting on with the washing over the last few days, bless him. I should be grateful, but I was tempted to do a great deal more than bless him when I realised that he had turned my best white bra grey in the wash. He tried to claim it was 'blue white' but I am not that easily conned!! He will be shopping for underwear next week, he is quite good at that, he seems to enjoy lingering in the lingerie department! We are an odd pair, I hate clothes shopping, but he absolutely loves it.
Robbie has had a number of little mishaps in the last few days. To spare his blushes I will not go into detail, but much as I love him and enjoy spending time, I could do with a day off!! As soon as we go back to work I will be wishing it was the holidays again, but I suppose life is always like that.
Robbie is very helpful around the house, but occasionally his enthusiasm exceeds his skill. He has been getting on with the washing over the last few days, bless him. I should be grateful, but I was tempted to do a great deal more than bless him when I realised that he had turned my best white bra grey in the wash. He tried to claim it was 'blue white' but I am not that easily conned!! He will be shopping for underwear next week, he is quite good at that, he seems to enjoy lingering in the lingerie department! We are an odd pair, I hate clothes shopping, but he absolutely loves it.
Robbie has had a number of little mishaps in the last few days. To spare his blushes I will not go into detail, but much as I love him and enjoy spending time, I could do with a day off!! As soon as we go back to work I will be wishing it was the holidays again, but I suppose life is always like that.
Panto Season
We went to the pantomime this evening. Whoever said that women take ages to get ready had obviously not met Robbie. He kept everyone waiting and when everyone else was queued up at the front door ready to go, he was still wandering around the kitchen in his pants. He always leave things to the very last minute, but on this occasion the delay was caused by the alleged loss of his best railway cufflinks. They were not lost, I had put them away last time after he had abandoned them on the bed and he hadn't thought of looking in the right place! Men!!!
We got to the panto on time. It starred Julian Cleary, he was very funny and very 'blue'. The costumes and sets were incredible and it was much better than I had anticipated. I was a little surprised when Sam asked me earlier if Julian Cleary may be a bit gay, I should think that after tonight even Sam was left in no doubt, he was extremely camp. On the subject of camp, what do you make of today's picture of Robbie? He was 18 or 19 when this photo was taken.
We got to the panto on time. It starred Julian Cleary, he was very funny and very 'blue'. The costumes and sets were incredible and it was much better than I had anticipated. I was a little surprised when Sam asked me earlier if Julian Cleary may be a bit gay, I should think that after tonight even Sam was left in no doubt, he was extremely camp. On the subject of camp, what do you make of today's picture of Robbie? He was 18 or 19 when this photo was taken.
Thursday 6 December 2007
The Wellington Boot Phase
I have been busy scanning old photos today. Among the pictures was proof that Robbie has always had a thing about being naked, there was a picture of him as a little boy wearing nothing but a smile and a huge pair of wellies. The picture quality is very poor, but I couldn't resist posting it on the blog.
As I was sorting through the jumble of photos I came across two or three truly scary photos of Robbie during his teenage years. Having looked at them I realise that he has become much more normal over the years (OK I admit he still has some way to go!).
As I was sorting through the jumble of photos I came across two or three truly scary photos of Robbie during his teenage years. Having looked at them I realise that he has become much more normal over the years (OK I admit he still has some way to go!).
Tuesday 4 December 2007
How To Levitate Your Balls
My brother bought Sam a book called '211 Things A Bright Boy Can Do' it looked innocent enough, but my suspicions were aroused when it was an instant hit with Sam. He was glued to the book for hours and then he started to regale us with extracts from the book read with great enthusiasm. A feeling of absolute horror engulfed me as he explained 'how to survive for a week with just one set of clothes' and 'how to take off your underpants without removing your trousers'. 'How to weigh your own head' sounded innocent enough, but 'How to light a fart' 'how to judge a woman's bra size at a glance' and 'how to levitate your balls' filled me with horror. Sam doesn't need any encouragement to get into scrapes! When I finally got my hands on the book I realised that there worse to come (but modesty forbids me from mentioning it here). Just a final warning for Robbie, if you encourage Sam in any of these crazy stunts, I will have no difficulty obtaining the vital ingredients for the recipe on page 262!!!
A Busy Christmas
We are both exhausted after the demands and excitement of a family Christmas. Santa was very kind to Robbie, he got several railway DVD's (by some fluke Santa had chosen the ones that I was quite keen to watch) so I predict some early nights cuddled up together watching railway DVD's. He also got some speakers for his ipod and a brand new ipod video. He was speechless - a rare occurrence for Robbie!!! He also had some of his favourite, expensive aftershave so breathing apparatus will be required when using the bathroom after he has applied his aftershave! Even on Christmas day he couldn't resist the call of the computer and he had a ready made excuse, he was setting up his new ipod.
As you can see from the picture above, Robbie was a real party animal! He hasn't touched anything alcoholic over Christmas, not even a wine gum - so why does he look sozzled in most of the Christmas photos?
As you can see from the picture above, Robbie was a real party animal! He hasn't touched anything alcoholic over Christmas, not even a wine gum - so why does he look sozzled in most of the Christmas photos?
A Dip Piece
We went out for a pre Christmas Meal today, there were eight of us around the table and Robbie embarrassed me big style. Apparently it is a strange northern custom, but it is absolutely disgusting. He ate a massive meal, and then when there was just gravy left on the plate he got two slices of bread, soaked them in the gravy, poured more gravy over the top and ate the bread with a knife and fork!! He tells me this is called a dip piece. He then polished off two helpings of apple crumble and custard. Not surprisingly he fell asleep as soon as the table had been cleared! You just can’t take him anywhere.
Fascinating Facts
Yesterday we were in the queue at the supermarket when Robbie suddenly remembered that he hadn’t bought his new diary for next year. I said that there were plenty of diaries at home and he could have one of those. He went visibly pale and insisted that he must have one particular brand of diary costing £40 - believe it or not! I couldn’t imagine spending even half that amount on a diary and was fairly forthright in explaining that to him. He looked devastated and he stood there with arms crossed and bottom lip sticking out as if someone had taken his toys away. He eventually explained that he loves his diary because it gives him fascinating (but useless) facts every day. Oh well, if it pleases him that much how can I possibly say he can’t have one
Christmas Presents
It was Sam's birthday yesterday, he was 12. He had a lovely day and was pleased with his presents. It was also Emily's last concert before Christmas, Robbie went to the concert while I took Sam out for a birthday treat. Now that our other commitments are out of the way I need to get properly organised for Christmas. At the present rate of progress I should be just about ready by the end of February!
The tree is finally up (now that we have a floor to put it on!). The present shopping is all done, but the final food shop still has to be done so I think we will venture out to Tesco's for some late night shopping tonight. Robbie is stressing about it already. He is very obsessive about how food is stored in the fridge and freezers, if I put the shopping away he takes it all out and repacks it. It doesn't bother me, it saves me a job and it keeps him out of trouble! He still gets a bit wound up about getting food in the right size containers so that they fit the fridge properly but I don't take any notice, I have developed a very useful deaf ear!
Choosing a suitable Christmas present for Robbie is easy enough, but keeping it secret is much more challenging. After the incident with the flooring I ought to buy him a new tape measure! A little bird told me that he has been alleging that there wasn't that much excess after the flooring was fitted. All I can say is that it is blocking the hall and it is too heavy for me to move on my own. How can he be so precise with his train planning and so haphazard with things at home? You will have to wait until Christmas to find out what Santa will bring for Robbie, I can't write it on the blog because he is bound to read it.
The tree is finally up (now that we have a floor to put it on!). The present shopping is all done, but the final food shop still has to be done so I think we will venture out to Tesco's for some late night shopping tonight. Robbie is stressing about it already. He is very obsessive about how food is stored in the fridge and freezers, if I put the shopping away he takes it all out and repacks it. It doesn't bother me, it saves me a job and it keeps him out of trouble! He still gets a bit wound up about getting food in the right size containers so that they fit the fridge properly but I don't take any notice, I have developed a very useful deaf ear!
Choosing a suitable Christmas present for Robbie is easy enough, but keeping it secret is much more challenging. After the incident with the flooring I ought to buy him a new tape measure! A little bird told me that he has been alleging that there wasn't that much excess after the flooring was fitted. All I can say is that it is blocking the hall and it is too heavy for me to move on my own. How can he be so precise with his train planning and so haphazard with things at home? You will have to wait until Christmas to find out what Santa will bring for Robbie, I can't write it on the blog because he is bound to read it.
The Naked Truth
Well, the long awaited calendar has finally arrived. My first reaction was disappointment, apart from Robbie there were only two others worth a second look. Some of them still had their pants on - that's cheating! Why ever did they make Robbie wear that thing on his head, it looks silly. I notice the Burgess belly managed to creep into the shot. Personally I think his back view is best - but maybe the world isn't ready for that!
Having examined the calendar more closely I've now realised that the Calendar Guys are part of the Virgin strategy to deal with overcrowding on trains. The prospect of encountering that lot (clothed or otherwise) is enough make people abandon rail travel for ever!!!
So, my final verdict on the calendar - The bike looks amazing!!
Having examined the calendar more closely I've now realised that the Calendar Guys are part of the Virgin strategy to deal with overcrowding on trains. The prospect of encountering that lot (clothed or otherwise) is enough make people abandon rail travel for ever!!!
So, my final verdict on the calendar - The bike looks amazing!!
In the Doghouse
I need to take you back in time to the day about three weeks ago when Robbie and I went to order the new floor covering. I had deliberated about laminate but eventually we agreed that cushioned vinyl was a better option both for practicality and for the dog. She already has a tendency to do a Scooby Doo when she walks across the kitchen floor, her legs move frantically but they don't actually propel her forward because she is slipping on the floor.
Anyway all the difficult decisions had been made, all I asked Robbie to do was to measure the room accurately and to order floor covering. I should have noticed there was a problem when he gave the length measurement in metric and the width measurement in imperial! It was only after the floor covering had been delivered to our house that I realised he had ordered the wrong size. It was rolled width ways and it was about a metre wider than the room, making it impossible to unroll the vinyl. It took me a long time to get Robbie to acknowledge the problem, but eventually he had to recognise that he was well and truly 'in the dog house'. I can't begin to explain my frustration.
Robbie decided that the only solution was to call in an expert, but wanted nothing more to do with it. I couldn't trust myself not to harm him. The fitter was booked for this evening and I went out leaving Robbie to sink or swim. Several hours later I returned to find that the job had been done and the room looked very nice. I was just about to complement him when my daughter complained that Robbie had worn only PJ bottoms while the fitter was here and as if that wasn't enough to terrify the fitter, he had spent the whole time talking to the fitter about trains! I give up!
Anyway all the difficult decisions had been made, all I asked Robbie to do was to measure the room accurately and to order floor covering. I should have noticed there was a problem when he gave the length measurement in metric and the width measurement in imperial! It was only after the floor covering had been delivered to our house that I realised he had ordered the wrong size. It was rolled width ways and it was about a metre wider than the room, making it impossible to unroll the vinyl. It took me a long time to get Robbie to acknowledge the problem, but eventually he had to recognise that he was well and truly 'in the dog house'. I can't begin to explain my frustration.
Robbie decided that the only solution was to call in an expert, but wanted nothing more to do with it. I couldn't trust myself not to harm him. The fitter was booked for this evening and I went out leaving Robbie to sink or swim. Several hours later I returned to find that the job had been done and the room looked very nice. I was just about to complement him when my daughter complained that Robbie had worn only PJ bottoms while the fitter was here and as if that wasn't enough to terrify the fitter, he had spent the whole time talking to the fitter about trains! I give up!
Please Redesign the Reindeer
I have been busy with all those pre Christmas jobs that can't be put off any longer - writing cards, wrapping up presents and sorting out the decorations. As I have mentioned before, a bit of bad planning 12 years ago resulted in Sam having his birthday in the same week as Christmas, so I have to get ready for that too. In 2003 I took the children to Lapland for an extra special Christmas treat, it was a magical experience. Here are some extracts from my diary entry about the Lapland trip.
My favourite activity was the husky sleigh ride, getting in and out of the sleigh was not very dignified, and the speed was rather alarming at first, but the huskies were amazing. They are so full of energy and they really seem to enjoy working.
We walked into a snowy forest to visit Santa in his house, it was lovely as there were about 15 children in our group and they all had a personal chat with Santa. Samuel is a bit too sophisticated for that sort of thing now, but he wanted the present that Santa had for him so he grudgingly agreed totalk to him. Emily told Santa that she wanted a sheep for Christmas! That's one Christmas dream that will not come true.
We went on a snowmobile `safari' through a forest, it was a bit stressful at first, but I soon got used to driving the snowmobile and I really enjoyed it, Emily was a pillion passenger with Laura and Sam in a trailer behind.
Next came our reindeer sleigh ride. Sam and I went in one sleigh and Laura and Emily in another. Part way through the trip Sam announced that he thought horses were better designed for pulling than reindeer. I was about to explain that reindeer are better adapted for snow when Sam said "if you have to sit behind the animal like this it is better if they have a proper tail because the view from behind a reindeer is not too good". I am constantly amazed at how that boy's mind works!
My favourite activity was the husky sleigh ride, getting in and out of the sleigh was not very dignified, and the speed was rather alarming at first, but the huskies were amazing. They are so full of energy and they really seem to enjoy working.
We walked into a snowy forest to visit Santa in his house, it was lovely as there were about 15 children in our group and they all had a personal chat with Santa. Samuel is a bit too sophisticated for that sort of thing now, but he wanted the present that Santa had for him so he grudgingly agreed totalk to him. Emily told Santa that she wanted a sheep for Christmas! That's one Christmas dream that will not come true.
We went on a snowmobile `safari' through a forest, it was a bit stressful at first, but I soon got used to driving the snowmobile and I really enjoyed it, Emily was a pillion passenger with Laura and Sam in a trailer behind.
Next came our reindeer sleigh ride. Sam and I went in one sleigh and Laura and Emily in another. Part way through the trip Sam announced that he thought horses were better designed for pulling than reindeer. I was about to explain that reindeer are better adapted for snow when Sam said "if you have to sit behind the animal like this it is better if they have a proper tail because the view from behind a reindeer is not too good". I am constantly amazed at how that boy's mind works!
Railway Memories
The girls have been ganging up on me - nothing unusual there! They claim that I am being unfair to Robbie on the blog. No, I haven't exaggerated his idiosyncrasies, he really is like that, what I have apparently failed to admit is that I am weird to - according to them! Well, I suppose I need to be a bit unusual to fit in to this family.
When, I asked what they would like me to own up to, the first item on their list was my peculiar taste in men - but since I can't see what the problem is someone else will have to write about that. The next item on their list was watching train DVD's and I freely admit to that. I am interested in history, so I particularly enjoy watching old film footage. I like watching footage of routes that I am interested in too, and I find railway buildings fascinating.
Since Robbie and I have been together we have found that his passion for trains fits very well with my interest in history and photography. My own liking for trains began in childhood, long before I met Robbie. I spent my first six years as an only child living close enough to Castle Station to hear the trains. At night when I went to bed I listened to the familiar railway sounds and like so many other children I enjoyed the Rev Awdry's railway stories. I loved to go to the park with my grandma and my favourite spot was not the playground or the stream, it was the special high bench in the far corner of the park. It enabled me to look across the river to the railway line, and I would sit there for hours watching trains. In those days there was much more traffic on the line, a child doing the same thing today would die of boredom! Steam was already a rarity, I did see a few and I was just as happy to watch what my grandma called the 'smelly old diesels'. I liked them, and even as a little girl I loved the freight trains. I used to walk across Westbridge a couple of times each week on the way to my aunt's house. She would let me scramble up and look down over the wall at the station below, there was always something to see, I loved the sounds and the smells of the railway. I miss that, the smells have more or less gone and the sounds are different now.
When I went to college in London I found myself living right opposite a station and the sound of the railway became as familiar as my own heartbeat, and travelling by train and tube was an ordinary part of life. So it is not really surprising that Robbie's obsession with all things railway has rekindled my own interest in trains.
When, I asked what they would like me to own up to, the first item on their list was my peculiar taste in men - but since I can't see what the problem is someone else will have to write about that. The next item on their list was watching train DVD's and I freely admit to that. I am interested in history, so I particularly enjoy watching old film footage. I like watching footage of routes that I am interested in too, and I find railway buildings fascinating.
Since Robbie and I have been together we have found that his passion for trains fits very well with my interest in history and photography. My own liking for trains began in childhood, long before I met Robbie. I spent my first six years as an only child living close enough to Castle Station to hear the trains. At night when I went to bed I listened to the familiar railway sounds and like so many other children I enjoyed the Rev Awdry's railway stories. I loved to go to the park with my grandma and my favourite spot was not the playground or the stream, it was the special high bench in the far corner of the park. It enabled me to look across the river to the railway line, and I would sit there for hours watching trains. In those days there was much more traffic on the line, a child doing the same thing today would die of boredom! Steam was already a rarity, I did see a few and I was just as happy to watch what my grandma called the 'smelly old diesels'. I liked them, and even as a little girl I loved the freight trains. I used to walk across Westbridge a couple of times each week on the way to my aunt's house. She would let me scramble up and look down over the wall at the station below, there was always something to see, I loved the sounds and the smells of the railway. I miss that, the smells have more or less gone and the sounds are different now.
When I went to college in London I found myself living right opposite a station and the sound of the railway became as familiar as my own heartbeat, and travelling by train and tube was an ordinary part of life. So it is not really surprising that Robbie's obsession with all things railway has rekindled my own interest in trains.
All Change at Northampton
Robbie does not enjoy his journey to work as much as he used to. The timetable changed on Monday so now he has to cross the over bridge to catch his train, meaning that he has had to re-time his whole morning routine! To make matters worse they now have 321's on that service instead of 350's and I have had to listen to dark mutterings about it for days. Robbie claims that they are not as comfortable, he says that they are nothing more than a box with a pantograph on top. I am rather fond of 321's, mainly because of the colour, it reminds me so much of the Cadbury's Dairy Milk colours, it makes them look friendly - but it doesn't make them run on time!!
Anyway, I finally discovered why Robbie doesn't like 321's it is because the seating is arranged differently. He doesn't like having to sit looking at people - not that weird when you think about it. I have travelled on that service a few times and you need more than a strong coffee to cope with some of the sights you encounter at that time of the morning! Actually I feel rather sorry for anyone who had to sit too close to Robbie this morning. He had eaten something evil while at work yesterday and he absolutely stank of garlic, it was bad enough to knock you over!
Anyway, I finally discovered why Robbie doesn't like 321's it is because the seating is arranged differently. He doesn't like having to sit looking at people - not that weird when you think about it. I have travelled on that service a few times and you need more than a strong coffee to cope with some of the sights you encounter at that time of the morning! Actually I feel rather sorry for anyone who had to sit too close to Robbie this morning. He had eaten something evil while at work yesterday and he absolutely stank of garlic, it was bad enough to knock you over!
More Bathroom Blues
After Robbie's 'help' in the bathroom on Saturday, we were left with an annoying leak from the back of the toilet. As a consequence Robbie had ear ache and finding a plumber was top of his priority list on Monday morning. I didn't think he could come to much harm armed only with the Yellow Pages - but I underestimated him! He booked a plumber and rearranged his work on Tuesday so that he could be off in the morning to be at home for the plumber; he had to work late into the evening instead.
On Tuesday morning the plumber turned up and set about rectifying the problem. I wasn't there but somehow Robbie got into conversation with him and discovered that I had known him in the course of my work some years ago. I meet some very unusual people, most of them nice, but I wouldn't necessarily trust them with my plumbing! Robbie had not only found a useless plumber, but a (hopefully ex) flasher into the bargain! Don't worry there were no nasty shocks - Robbie obviously wasn't his type! In fact the chap reassure Robbie that he was wearing his 'long johns'. As you may have deduced we still have a leak, in fact we now have two leaks! I am totally frustrated but I am determined that Robbie will get it sorted - practice makes perfect, or so they say!
On Tuesday morning the plumber turned up and set about rectifying the problem. I wasn't there but somehow Robbie got into conversation with him and discovered that I had known him in the course of my work some years ago. I meet some very unusual people, most of them nice, but I wouldn't necessarily trust them with my plumbing! Robbie had not only found a useless plumber, but a (hopefully ex) flasher into the bargain! Don't worry there were no nasty shocks - Robbie obviously wasn't his type! In fact the chap reassure Robbie that he was wearing his 'long johns'. As you may have deduced we still have a leak, in fact we now have two leaks! I am totally frustrated but I am determined that Robbie will get it sorted - practice makes perfect, or so they say!
The Many Faces of Sam
Looking back on diary entries for 2004 I came across the following. Some things don't change, I still struggle to get Sam to achieve even a basic level of tidiness. He still has a thing about gadgets too, I hope yo find the pictures of the many faces of Sam entertaining.
This morning Sam was eating his cornflakes with chopsticks, I should have known better than to ask why. He claimed he was trying to make his life more interesting – he certainly created more laundry! I was apparently cruel to Sam by forcing him to pick up his rubbish from the lounge floor. He informed me that he wishes he was a mutant so that he could clone himself a million times because he is tired of being my slave 24/7. Well, if he thinks he is a slave I must think of a few more jobs for him!
Sam had been invited to a party this afternoon, he went off to get changed and came back looking like the man from the milk tray advert. I don't understand why he is so fond of that tight black polo neck jumper, he says he looks good in it and it reminds him of James Bond. He insisted on wearing it to the party.
This morning Sam was eating his cornflakes with chopsticks, I should have known better than to ask why. He claimed he was trying to make his life more interesting – he certainly created more laundry! I was apparently cruel to Sam by forcing him to pick up his rubbish from the lounge floor. He informed me that he wishes he was a mutant so that he could clone himself a million times because he is tired of being my slave 24/7. Well, if he thinks he is a slave I must think of a few more jobs for him!
Sam had been invited to a party this afternoon, he went off to get changed and came back looking like the man from the milk tray advert. I don't understand why he is so fond of that tight black polo neck jumper, he says he looks good in it and it reminds him of James Bond. He insisted on wearing it to the party.
Thoughts on Football
My post about Robbie's Walsall football shirt has prompted a number of people to suggest that I don't like football. My problem on that occasion was nothing to do with football, it was the 'vision in pink' who was expecting to be allowed out of the house looking like that.
I come from a town which calls it's football team the 'Cobblers' for good reason! Some people will suggest that it is because we were historically a centre of shoe manufacture, but you only have to watch them play to see that they live up to their name! I support Arsenal because they are fun to watch and they are much easier on the eye than any of the other teams! I don't watch much sport on TV, I have better things to do, but I enjoy watching Arsenal play and I love watching snooker. I detest tennis because the noise of the balls drives me mad and motor racing is too noisy and totally pointless.
So what does all this rambling about sport have to do with Robbie. Well, several people have asked how I put up with him. I don't 'put up' with him, I love him and we have a great time together, he may not be very practical, but that doesn't matter. He isn't interested in sport, so we have lots of time for family things. He is kind, funny, thoughtful, sensitive and he is interested in all sorts of things. Some of his qualities are less obvious to the casual observer, but if you can't work out why he is special, you are missing something!
I come from a town which calls it's football team the 'Cobblers' for good reason! Some people will suggest that it is because we were historically a centre of shoe manufacture, but you only have to watch them play to see that they live up to their name! I support Arsenal because they are fun to watch and they are much easier on the eye than any of the other teams! I don't watch much sport on TV, I have better things to do, but I enjoy watching Arsenal play and I love watching snooker. I detest tennis because the noise of the balls drives me mad and motor racing is too noisy and totally pointless.
So what does all this rambling about sport have to do with Robbie. Well, several people have asked how I put up with him. I don't 'put up' with him, I love him and we have a great time together, he may not be very practical, but that doesn't matter. He isn't interested in sport, so we have lots of time for family things. He is kind, funny, thoughtful, sensitive and he is interested in all sorts of things. Some of his qualities are less obvious to the casual observer, but if you can't work out why he is special, you are missing something!
Location, Location, Location!
Sunday morning in bed is a rare treat. We enjoy listening to Radio 4 and as usual it was on in the background. Robbie had been trying to pretend that his back wasn't hurting and was distracting himself by furtively browsing through The World Encyclopaedia of Trucks - sad! His ears must have tuned back into the radio and he picked up on a weather forecast from Deal. He repeated the name a couple of times, then he said "I've never been there, but I know how to spell it". Sometimes his logic really defeats me!!
Silverlink Standard Pace
On Thursday Robbie went to a gig in London, to see a group called Bromhead's Jacket. His gig buddy Laura wasn't able to go with him, GCSE coursework deadlines kept her imprisoned in her bedroom. That turned out to be a blessing in disguise because rail services via Milton Keynes went pear shaped that day, the strong wind had brought the overhead wires down.
Robbie decided that nothing would prevent him getting to his gig and he travelled from Birmingham via Reading to Paddington, then across London to the gig. I was treated to a step by step progress report by text, that wasn't too bad, but the phone calls with station announcements in the background nearly burst my eardrums. Robbie enjoys his gigs and I am happy for him to go providing that I don't have to go too, I don't like noise and I can't cope with crowds so they are not really my thing.
He sent me a couple of texts during the gig, but I was already asleep when he rang to say he was heading home. He had to get a bus from Milton Keynes so it was close to 2am when he arrived home. He has never been able to come to bed quietly, when he sits down on the bed he practically bounces me onto the floor! This time he was not that subtle, he shook me awake - living dangerously! He wanted to know if the dog had been fed - of course she had been fed. He then gave me an in depth account of his evening, the journey, people he met, the venue, the merchandise, he went on and on and on. He bored me back to sleep, but he still didn't shut up and when he jolted me awake again I threatened that if he didn't shut up he would learn to sing so high that he could join the Bee Gee's . It must have worked because the next thing I heard was the alarm clock!
Robbie said train services were still messed up on Friday morning, but I didn't realise the severity until I went to the station on Friday evening. It was bedlam, there were coaches all over the place, and yellow coated men moving around at Silverlink standard pace, frantically waving their arms and talking on mobile phones. For those not 'lucky' enough to live near a Silverlink station, I need to explain Silverlink standard pace, I wouldn't call it slow, more funereal! In fact if you look at the lugubrious faces they possess, you could be forgiven for thinking that Silverlink was running a rehabilitation program for ex undertakers. You would be wrong, you have to take two other factors into account to get to the truth, the austere uniform and the absolute refusal to divulge any useful information to passengers. It then becomes obvious that the KGB was not disbanded, it has diversified! No wonder I hear so many eastern european accents in town these days!
Robbie decided that nothing would prevent him getting to his gig and he travelled from Birmingham via Reading to Paddington, then across London to the gig. I was treated to a step by step progress report by text, that wasn't too bad, but the phone calls with station announcements in the background nearly burst my eardrums. Robbie enjoys his gigs and I am happy for him to go providing that I don't have to go too, I don't like noise and I can't cope with crowds so they are not really my thing.
He sent me a couple of texts during the gig, but I was already asleep when he rang to say he was heading home. He had to get a bus from Milton Keynes so it was close to 2am when he arrived home. He has never been able to come to bed quietly, when he sits down on the bed he practically bounces me onto the floor! This time he was not that subtle, he shook me awake - living dangerously! He wanted to know if the dog had been fed - of course she had been fed. He then gave me an in depth account of his evening, the journey, people he met, the venue, the merchandise, he went on and on and on. He bored me back to sleep, but he still didn't shut up and when he jolted me awake again I threatened that if he didn't shut up he would learn to sing so high that he could join the Bee Gee's . It must have worked because the next thing I heard was the alarm clock!
Robbie said train services were still messed up on Friday morning, but I didn't realise the severity until I went to the station on Friday evening. It was bedlam, there were coaches all over the place, and yellow coated men moving around at Silverlink standard pace, frantically waving their arms and talking on mobile phones. For those not 'lucky' enough to live near a Silverlink station, I need to explain Silverlink standard pace, I wouldn't call it slow, more funereal! In fact if you look at the lugubrious faces they possess, you could be forgiven for thinking that Silverlink was running a rehabilitation program for ex undertakers. You would be wrong, you have to take two other factors into account to get to the truth, the austere uniform and the absolute refusal to divulge any useful information to passengers. It then becomes obvious that the KGB was not disbanded, it has diversified! No wonder I hear so many eastern european accents in town these days!
Bathroom Blues
I stayed in bed too long this morning and ended up with backache. To make matters worse I had to lay the new floor covering in the bathroom, it isn't difficult just awkward. Robbie, as I have mentioned before is not the most practical man, but he is very enthusiastic!
Against my better judgement I ended up trapped in a confined space armed with a wayward roll of vinyl and a stanley knife. Robbie dressed only in PJ bottoms was there to 'talk' me through the process! All went well for ten minutes or so, then I made the mistake of asking for a bit of practical help in manoeuvring the vinyl around the lavatory. Robbie just doesn't have the gentle touch, and before I could say anything to stop him, he had pulled the base of the loo away from the soil pipe. I acted quickly to avoid a full scale flood, and we managed to fix the problem. I don't swear but I must admit to raising my voice and indulging in some rather unpleasant thoughts! Following the maxim 'when in a hole stop digging' Robbie beat a hasty retreat to make me a nice (much needed) cup of tea, while I got on with the floor.
Despite the mishap the floor is now laid and Robbie has worked hard to get the bathroom organised again. I couldn't wish for a better husband, I may get frustrated with him for five minutes but I can never stay cross for long.
Against my better judgement I ended up trapped in a confined space armed with a wayward roll of vinyl and a stanley knife. Robbie dressed only in PJ bottoms was there to 'talk' me through the process! All went well for ten minutes or so, then I made the mistake of asking for a bit of practical help in manoeuvring the vinyl around the lavatory. Robbie just doesn't have the gentle touch, and before I could say anything to stop him, he had pulled the base of the loo away from the soil pipe. I acted quickly to avoid a full scale flood, and we managed to fix the problem. I don't swear but I must admit to raising my voice and indulging in some rather unpleasant thoughts! Following the maxim 'when in a hole stop digging' Robbie beat a hasty retreat to make me a nice (much needed) cup of tea, while I got on with the floor.
Despite the mishap the floor is now laid and Robbie has worked hard to get the bathroom organised again. I couldn't wish for a better husband, I may get frustrated with him for five minutes but I can never stay cross for long.
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!
A new mirror and storage cupboard for the bathroom will be delivered on Saturday, after that we can put the finishing touches to the decorating and get everything put away properly. Since we started decorating, a number of items from the old cupboard have been in a crate. Among these items was an expensive looking green box containing ampoules of hair restorer. Robbie had bought this during one of his visits to the hairdressers, I can't imagine why as he has strong, thick hair but men are unfathomable sometimes!
This morning I happened to look in the box, ten days ago it was full but now there were 6 ampoules missing. It didn't require Hercule Poirot to deduce that this had something to do with Sam! I was furious, that boy can't resist meddling with things. After school I tackled Samuel, he admitted it immediately and went on to explain that Robbie didn't need it because he has loads of hair and so does Grandad Burgess, so he was actually preventing Robbie from wasting his time. I pointed out that Sam also has plenty of hair and does not require the treatment either. He pointed to an alleged bald patch (actually it was his crown) and quite reasonably pointed out that his grandad has very little hair, so this was an insurance for his old age! I didn't have the willpower to explain that his grandad is my stepfather so there is no genetic link!
Thankfully Robbie was out at a gig this evening so I could deal with the situation without his input. He is brilliant with the children, but at times of tension he tends to forget that he is the adult and he gets drawn in to silly arguments. Emily nearly crowned him with a frying pan the other day all because he tried to tell her how to wash up! Seventeen year olds should be approached with caution at all times, but especially when armed. Anyway Sam has to do chores at the weekend to earn money to replace what he used - he is already bleating about exploitation.
This morning I happened to look in the box, ten days ago it was full but now there were 6 ampoules missing. It didn't require Hercule Poirot to deduce that this had something to do with Sam! I was furious, that boy can't resist meddling with things. After school I tackled Samuel, he admitted it immediately and went on to explain that Robbie didn't need it because he has loads of hair and so does Grandad Burgess, so he was actually preventing Robbie from wasting his time. I pointed out that Sam also has plenty of hair and does not require the treatment either. He pointed to an alleged bald patch (actually it was his crown) and quite reasonably pointed out that his grandad has very little hair, so this was an insurance for his old age! I didn't have the willpower to explain that his grandad is my stepfather so there is no genetic link!
Thankfully Robbie was out at a gig this evening so I could deal with the situation without his input. He is brilliant with the children, but at times of tension he tends to forget that he is the adult and he gets drawn in to silly arguments. Emily nearly crowned him with a frying pan the other day all because he tried to tell her how to wash up! Seventeen year olds should be approached with caution at all times, but especially when armed. Anyway Sam has to do chores at the weekend to earn money to replace what he used - he is already bleating about exploitation.
Squeaky Clean
Several people seem to have enjoyed reading about Sam's exploits so here are some extracts from my 2004 journal when Sam was 9.
There was a funny little episode last week with Sam. A couple of days before he went to his first sleepover he said he absolutely had to have some deodorant – Sure for Men Sensitive to be exact. I got him some deodorant, but then he asked for FCUK pre shave face wash. I pointed out that he doesn't shave but he said "it says pre shave, and I will shave one day so it is ideal for me". He went to the sleepover with his grown up toiletries and his new leather jacket looking really cool. A couple of days after he got back I asked him if his mates had been impressed by his grown up stuff. He gave me a long stare, then in a very serious voice he said "you spoiled the effect mum, you packed my Buzz Lightyear pyjamas!"
On Tuesday Sam came home from school and told me they had had the `men's talk' at school. I asked what it was about and he shrugged and said "sweat mainly". I was a little surprised, but at that point I didn't realise the full implications. Sam announced later that from now on he had to shower daily; I tried to point out that his bed time bath was just as good, but I don't have the same authority as his teacher. His teacher said shower, so shower it must be, he said morning so our entire morning routine was thrown into chaos. Worse of all he apparently told them to get up early, so Sam who takes everything literally, set his alarm for 5am. When his alarm went off he was too sleepy to get up so he put the clock on snooze and we were serenaded every five minutes until quarter to seven! He then monopolised the bathroom causing his sisters to become frantic. When he eventually emerged he had used so much deodorant that the rest of us required breathing apparatus to use the bathroom! I can't cope with many mornings like this morning.
After two disastrous days with the new `super clean' Sam we were all exhausted. I was finding it impossible to control his excessive use of deodorant and it was clearly numbing his sense of smell. The last straw came on Thursday morning when having already rendered thebathroom out of bounds by excessive use of deodorant spray; he decided that his teacher may not notice it. I think the fact that having Sam near you literally took your breath away would have been sufficient proof, but Sam had to go one step further. When he was fully dressed he went back for one more spray of deodorant, the inevitable happened and his blue school sweatshirt suddenly had white patches. This led to a last minute mad rush to change his top and he ended up forgetting his homework. That afternoon when I collected Sam from school I asked his teacher to have a word with him, that did the trick and now we are back to bed time baths or showers. He now has a very expensive `Boss' deodorant stick and has been told that it is very special so he has to make it last. It is working OK so far, but Emily has pointed out an alarming rise in Sam's consumption of mouthwash, so there may still be some issues to resolve!
What a day? Just when we had the shower situation under control, Sam had another PHSE lesson – this time they talked about shaving! I am well aware that there is a bit of a family obsession about shaving so I got his teacher to tell me what had been said to make absolutely sure that Sam didn't go away with any crazy ideas. They had talked about how and why aftershave should be used and when they may need to start shaving. All seemed to be well until Sam went upstairs to get ready to go to his school disco. He had got an electric razor out and for reasons best known to him he had shaved off part of his left eyebrow. This has left him with a rather quizzical look. What was even more noticeable was the overwhelming smell of Boss aftershave; I think he must have bathed in it. I could hardly breathe when I gave him a lift to the disco I don't know how they coped with him all evening!
Sam has returned to his former routine of having a bath in the evening, but all is not well. Yesterday the girls reported that he had left the bathroom in a terrible state, so I went up to investigate. I found a company of action men in various stages of undress sitting around the edge of the bath guarding some black objects still in the bath. On closer inspection I found that these were Playmobil people wrapped in black electrical tape with little gaps for their eyes and mouths. I liberated the hostages and confined the action men to barracks in Sam's toy cupboard. I couldn't help thinking that Sam could probably keep a psychiatrist in work for years! When I asked him about it this morning Sam said that spies had to know all about torture, he then quoted a great chunk of dialogue from a James Bond film (Goldfinger apparently!). It was all too complicated for me so I asked why the Playmobil people deserved to be tortured. Quick as a flash Sam said "for being boring, mainly". What am I going to do with him!!!
There was a funny little episode last week with Sam. A couple of days before he went to his first sleepover he said he absolutely had to have some deodorant – Sure for Men Sensitive to be exact. I got him some deodorant, but then he asked for FCUK pre shave face wash. I pointed out that he doesn't shave but he said "it says pre shave, and I will shave one day so it is ideal for me". He went to the sleepover with his grown up toiletries and his new leather jacket looking really cool. A couple of days after he got back I asked him if his mates had been impressed by his grown up stuff. He gave me a long stare, then in a very serious voice he said "you spoiled the effect mum, you packed my Buzz Lightyear pyjamas!"
On Tuesday Sam came home from school and told me they had had the `men's talk' at school. I asked what it was about and he shrugged and said "sweat mainly". I was a little surprised, but at that point I didn't realise the full implications. Sam announced later that from now on he had to shower daily; I tried to point out that his bed time bath was just as good, but I don't have the same authority as his teacher. His teacher said shower, so shower it must be, he said morning so our entire morning routine was thrown into chaos. Worse of all he apparently told them to get up early, so Sam who takes everything literally, set his alarm for 5am. When his alarm went off he was too sleepy to get up so he put the clock on snooze and we were serenaded every five minutes until quarter to seven! He then monopolised the bathroom causing his sisters to become frantic. When he eventually emerged he had used so much deodorant that the rest of us required breathing apparatus to use the bathroom! I can't cope with many mornings like this morning.
After two disastrous days with the new `super clean' Sam we were all exhausted. I was finding it impossible to control his excessive use of deodorant and it was clearly numbing his sense of smell. The last straw came on Thursday morning when having already rendered thebathroom out of bounds by excessive use of deodorant spray; he decided that his teacher may not notice it. I think the fact that having Sam near you literally took your breath away would have been sufficient proof, but Sam had to go one step further. When he was fully dressed he went back for one more spray of deodorant, the inevitable happened and his blue school sweatshirt suddenly had white patches. This led to a last minute mad rush to change his top and he ended up forgetting his homework. That afternoon when I collected Sam from school I asked his teacher to have a word with him, that did the trick and now we are back to bed time baths or showers. He now has a very expensive `Boss' deodorant stick and has been told that it is very special so he has to make it last. It is working OK so far, but Emily has pointed out an alarming rise in Sam's consumption of mouthwash, so there may still be some issues to resolve!
What a day? Just when we had the shower situation under control, Sam had another PHSE lesson – this time they talked about shaving! I am well aware that there is a bit of a family obsession about shaving so I got his teacher to tell me what had been said to make absolutely sure that Sam didn't go away with any crazy ideas. They had talked about how and why aftershave should be used and when they may need to start shaving. All seemed to be well until Sam went upstairs to get ready to go to his school disco. He had got an electric razor out and for reasons best known to him he had shaved off part of his left eyebrow. This has left him with a rather quizzical look. What was even more noticeable was the overwhelming smell of Boss aftershave; I think he must have bathed in it. I could hardly breathe when I gave him a lift to the disco I don't know how they coped with him all evening!
Sam has returned to his former routine of having a bath in the evening, but all is not well. Yesterday the girls reported that he had left the bathroom in a terrible state, so I went up to investigate. I found a company of action men in various stages of undress sitting around the edge of the bath guarding some black objects still in the bath. On closer inspection I found that these were Playmobil people wrapped in black electrical tape with little gaps for their eyes and mouths. I liberated the hostages and confined the action men to barracks in Sam's toy cupboard. I couldn't help thinking that Sam could probably keep a psychiatrist in work for years! When I asked him about it this morning Sam said that spies had to know all about torture, he then quoted a great chunk of dialogue from a James Bond film (Goldfinger apparently!). It was all too complicated for me so I asked why the Playmobil people deserved to be tortured. Quick as a flash Sam said "for being boring, mainly". What am I going to do with him!!!
Changes at Work
I have had a couple of alarming conversations with Robbie this evening, well to be more specific I have listened to two very worrying monologues from Robbie. I think this naked calendar thing has had a subversive effect. Out of the blue he announced that there are hundreds if not thousands of people who keep in touch by text and make secret arrangements to gather naked at famous landmarks just to have their photo taken. I was just thinking that it sounded well weird when Robbie announced that he would love to do it. The world is in a big enough mess without having to cope with sights like that. I didn't bother with a response, but I made a mental note to purchase one of those old fashioned mouse traps - I may have a use for it if he gets himself arrested!
A bit later he announced that they had made some changes at work that were troubling him. I was concerned and he had my full attention. In minute detail he explained that they had changed the toilet tissue from individual sheets to a roll, he was convinced that there was also a variation in the width and for some reason it really bothered him. Even worse they have changed the soap dispensers and the angle and pressure of the soap squirts has changed. I wonder if there is a British Standard for soap dispensers!
I think Robbie and Sam have a lot in common, if they could apply their minds to things that actually matter they could take over the world! On second thoughts perhaps it is better that they occupy themselves with irrelevancies!! Talking of irrelevancies, I hope you like the picture, Sam rearranged our crib last year, I am not entirely sure that any of the Gospels mention a dalek but I am sure Sam could come up with a very convincing explaination!
A bit later he announced that they had made some changes at work that were troubling him. I was concerned and he had my full attention. In minute detail he explained that they had changed the toilet tissue from individual sheets to a roll, he was convinced that there was also a variation in the width and for some reason it really bothered him. Even worse they have changed the soap dispensers and the angle and pressure of the soap squirts has changed. I wonder if there is a British Standard for soap dispensers!
I think Robbie and Sam have a lot in common, if they could apply their minds to things that actually matter they could take over the world! On second thoughts perhaps it is better that they occupy themselves with irrelevancies!! Talking of irrelevancies, I hope you like the picture, Sam rearranged our crib last year, I am not entirely sure that any of the Gospels mention a dalek but I am sure Sam could come up with a very convincing explaination!
Questions, Questions!
I sometimes wonder if I am just talking to myself when I write my blog entries, nobody ever leaves any comments. So I just write about the things that amuse or infuriate me. Having included a couple of entries about Sam I realised that 'the saying's of Sam' are almost as priceless as 'Robbie's ramblings'. Writing about Sam prompted me to revisit my old diary entries and before long I was helpless with laughter. Below is part of a diary entry from March 2004 when Sam was 9.
I was faced with one of those `go and ask your father questions' this evening. After I had struggled to unpack the car and put the shopping away Sam wandered into the kitchen and said "Mum" in that ominous tone that children are so good at."I have been meaning to ask you something, what are tampons for?"
I was exhausted and not really in the mood for deep and meaningful discussions so I played for time and asked what had prompted that question. He looked a bit sheepish and said"Actually mum I know what they are for, they are a special kind of firelighter. I just can't work out why they sell so many of them at Safeways".
I was about to reach for the phone, surely this was a case for `men in white coats' but suddenly it all started to make sense. Sam confessed that he had gone into Emily's room and watched her video of the Survivor TV series and that is where he had seen them used as firelighters. I was afraid I would burst out laughing so I sent him off with a biscuit and postponed the discussion until later!
I was faced with one of those `go and ask your father questions' this evening. After I had struggled to unpack the car and put the shopping away Sam wandered into the kitchen and said "Mum" in that ominous tone that children are so good at."I have been meaning to ask you something, what are tampons for?"
I was exhausted and not really in the mood for deep and meaningful discussions so I played for time and asked what had prompted that question. He looked a bit sheepish and said"Actually mum I know what they are for, they are a special kind of firelighter. I just can't work out why they sell so many of them at Safeways".
I was about to reach for the phone, surely this was a case for `men in white coats' but suddenly it all started to make sense. Sam confessed that he had gone into Emily's room and watched her video of the Survivor TV series and that is where he had seen them used as firelighters. I was afraid I would burst out laughing so I sent him off with a biscuit and postponed the discussion until later!
Meticulous Attention to Detail
Now that you have been introduced to Sam you can see that he and Robbie have a lot in common. They are like 'me' and 'mini me'. Sam is like a Sherpa, he carries all that is essential to him in a huge rucksack and he becomes very distressed if he is parted from it. Robbie is just the same, he carries a ton of ironmongery in the bottom of his rucksack so that he is equipped for an array of potential train emergencies should the need arise. He even took it on honeymoon with him! Sam often provides too much detail and bores people rigid - sound familiar?
It was very windy last night and Sam told me he was concerned about his rabbit and about the garden fence blowing down. A couple of years ago he had similar worries about his hamster Seth the Second who usually lived in the hall. He kept taking his cage upstairs and parking him in my bedroom. There was absolutely no way that I was going to share my room with Seth, I may have to put up with things going round and round inside my head but I drew the line at Seth going round and round on his wheel! Sam thought Seth could get cold at night so I asked him where hamsters come from. I was attempting to point out that they are used to cold nights, but Sam completely misunderstood me and announced that they come from Petsmart! I said "no, where do they come from?" Sam gave a deep sigh and gave me a very detailed account of hamster reproduction; he seemed to know more about it than most hamsters!
By this time I had given up on the conversation. It reminded me of an episode that happened two or three years before. I came downstairs one morning to find Sam in the lounge with two hamster cages on the floor. At first I didn't notice that one cage was empty, but when I asked Sam what he was doing he explained quite calmly that he was breeding the hamsters. He said "they have done everything properly so they can go back to their cages now" He knew exactly when the babies were due and he watched for signs of pregnancy, but to my relief we did not witness a population boom in the world of hamsters. When it was clear that there were no babies Sam decided to try a different tactic. He got up early one morning and I found him reading to the hamsters from the chapter on reproduction in the hamster care book!!
It was very windy last night and Sam told me he was concerned about his rabbit and about the garden fence blowing down. A couple of years ago he had similar worries about his hamster Seth the Second who usually lived in the hall. He kept taking his cage upstairs and parking him in my bedroom. There was absolutely no way that I was going to share my room with Seth, I may have to put up with things going round and round inside my head but I drew the line at Seth going round and round on his wheel! Sam thought Seth could get cold at night so I asked him where hamsters come from. I was attempting to point out that they are used to cold nights, but Sam completely misunderstood me and announced that they come from Petsmart! I said "no, where do they come from?" Sam gave a deep sigh and gave me a very detailed account of hamster reproduction; he seemed to know more about it than most hamsters!
By this time I had given up on the conversation. It reminded me of an episode that happened two or three years before. I came downstairs one morning to find Sam in the lounge with two hamster cages on the floor. At first I didn't notice that one cage was empty, but when I asked Sam what he was doing he explained quite calmly that he was breeding the hamsters. He said "they have done everything properly so they can go back to their cages now" He knew exactly when the babies were due and he watched for signs of pregnancy, but to my relief we did not witness a population boom in the world of hamsters. When it was clear that there were no babies Sam decided to try a different tactic. He got up early one morning and I found him reading to the hamsters from the chapter on reproduction in the hamster care book!!
Introducing Sam
I think it is about time that I introduced you to my son Sam. He is a very unusual young man, bright, funny, knowledgeable and totally obsessive. He has Asperger Syndrome, it makes life hard for him because he struggles with personal organisation, he hates his routines to be disrupted and he is not good at calculating risk. At his worse he is like an angry troll, but at his best he is charming, friendly and interested in absolutely everything. Does that sound like anyone you know!
When Sam was a little boy aged about three, he went through a phase when he insisted on wearing a shirt and tie at all times. He looked like a mini professor. His nursery was doing a topic on food and they took a group of children to visit the fish counter at Safeway’s. The children were able to see behind the scenes and Sam was enthralled with the whole experience. He talked about it for weeks afterwards until I was in danger of dreaming about wet fish!
Sam’s passion for dead fish, grew and every time we went to Safeways he would head off to the fish counter, pick a likely looking victim and interview them in detail about the origins and intimate details of the fish. Before long Sam knew more than they did. When he approached the fish counter I kept a discreet distance and tried to pretend he wasn’t mine, while the long suffering staff ran for cover! My mum thought it was cute; she claimed it was in his blood because her father had been a fishmonger. I knew it was well weird!
Sam is almost 12 now and many obsessions have come and gone. Thankfully dead fish are a thing of the past, his present ‘mastermind subject’ is Superman – the extent of his knowledge is terrifying. So you see I have no problems coping with Robbie because after Sam Robbie is a doddle!
When Sam was a little boy aged about three, he went through a phase when he insisted on wearing a shirt and tie at all times. He looked like a mini professor. His nursery was doing a topic on food and they took a group of children to visit the fish counter at Safeway’s. The children were able to see behind the scenes and Sam was enthralled with the whole experience. He talked about it for weeks afterwards until I was in danger of dreaming about wet fish!
Sam’s passion for dead fish, grew and every time we went to Safeways he would head off to the fish counter, pick a likely looking victim and interview them in detail about the origins and intimate details of the fish. Before long Sam knew more than they did. When he approached the fish counter I kept a discreet distance and tried to pretend he wasn’t mine, while the long suffering staff ran for cover! My mum thought it was cute; she claimed it was in his blood because her father had been a fishmonger. I knew it was well weird!
Sam is almost 12 now and many obsessions have come and gone. Thankfully dead fish are a thing of the past, his present ‘mastermind subject’ is Superman – the extent of his knowledge is terrifying. So you see I have no problems coping with Robbie because after Sam Robbie is a doddle!
Monday 3 December 2007
Getting Ready for Christmas
I can't believe that Christmas is so close, it must be a sign of old age because I'm sure time passes much faster than it used to. Every year I promise myself that I will be better organised and will avoid that frantic last minute rush. It never happens of course, the last time I was actually organised well in advance was twelve years ago - and that was due to another bit of bad planning! Samuel was due to be born on 8th December, I should have done the maths quite a lot earlier because December is not an ideal time to have a baby. Samuel does everything in his own time and being born was no exception, he was late and I was worried that I would be out of action for Christmas. He finally put in an appearance on 20th December! He celebrated his first Christmas before he was a week old. I feel a bit guilty about him having his birthday so close to Christmas because he has to wait a whole year for more presents, but he makes sure he is not too deprived!
Robbie loves Christmas and he is careful that I don't get left with all the work. He really enjoys cooking and he plays his part in preparing the Christmas dinner. Last year he got so engrossed that he was still flitting about in his PJ bottoms and his rather alluring apron when the rest of the family arrived!
For Robbie and the children the best bit of Christmas is the presents. I get a lot of pleasure out of choosing things that I think they will like. Inevitably many of Robbie's presents are train related, but he likes geeky stuff too. Last year I bought him some British Transport Films DVD's, he loved them and I was surprised to find that I enjoyed them so much that I have watched them over and over again. It is so special to cuddle up together to watch the films, my favourite is oneabout moving an entire farm by train. Robbie isalways pleased to get model trains, but storage space isa bit of an issue. We have started collecting N gauge now, that helps a bit. I am not feeling very kindly towards Robbie about his train collection at the moment. On Sunday morning we were in bed and Robbie started chatting about his will - as you do! He said he wasn't going to leave his train collection to me, I was quite surprised to hear myself insisting that I wanted the deltics! It isn't an issue really, because I have no plans to outlive Robbie. As he puts it, we will grow old disgracefully together!
Robbie bought me the most amazing present last year, an external hard drive, I really love it. I have dropped heavy hints about an equally geeky present this year, but I will have to wait and see. As far as I am concerned having Robbie and the family is better than any present.
Robbie loves Christmas and he is careful that I don't get left with all the work. He really enjoys cooking and he plays his part in preparing the Christmas dinner. Last year he got so engrossed that he was still flitting about in his PJ bottoms and his rather alluring apron when the rest of the family arrived!
For Robbie and the children the best bit of Christmas is the presents. I get a lot of pleasure out of choosing things that I think they will like. Inevitably many of Robbie's presents are train related, but he likes geeky stuff too. Last year I bought him some British Transport Films DVD's, he loved them and I was surprised to find that I enjoyed them so much that I have watched them over and over again. It is so special to cuddle up together to watch the films, my favourite is oneabout moving an entire farm by train. Robbie isalways pleased to get model trains, but storage space isa bit of an issue. We have started collecting N gauge now, that helps a bit. I am not feeling very kindly towards Robbie about his train collection at the moment. On Sunday morning we were in bed and Robbie started chatting about his will - as you do! He said he wasn't going to leave his train collection to me, I was quite surprised to hear myself insisting that I wanted the deltics! It isn't an issue really, because I have no plans to outlive Robbie. As he puts it, we will grow old disgracefully together!
Robbie bought me the most amazing present last year, an external hard drive, I really love it. I have dropped heavy hints about an equally geeky present this year, but I will have to wait and see. As far as I am concerned having Robbie and the family is better than any present.
Food Fads
Feeding my family is always a challenge. Emily has been a Vegetarian for about 7 years so I always have to produce a meat free option for her. Laura is impossible to please, but I suspect most 15 year olds are like that. Sam's obsessions and his very literal way of thinking cause problems for me when preparing food. He stopped eating shepherds pie when he was three because he couldn't be convinced that it didn't contain real shepherds. He does eat it at home but we call it mince with potato on top and it avoids the problem.
He went on a school trip to a rural studies centre when he was 9. They were given shepherds pie for dinner but Sam was convinced it was not safe to eat because it would have real shepherds in it! He told us that there was a lake near the place where they stayed and he thought the easiest way for the cook to catch shepherds was to set traps and drown them. I couldn't change his mind! Once an idea is fixed in his head it is impossible to reason with him. He still insists that Rolf Harris used to have three legs!! He just has his own completely original view of the world.
When he came back from the school trip he told us that he had seen some cattle and one of them was a bull. I asked how he knew it was a bull and he said "I could tell by the look in its eyes".I explained that you could not tell by looking at the eyes and I intended to talk about a ring in the nose, but Sam put his hands on his hips and sighed. He said "Mum! I couldn't look at his dangly bits in case I embarrassed him, I didn't want him to chase me".
He went on a school trip to a rural studies centre when he was 9. They were given shepherds pie for dinner but Sam was convinced it was not safe to eat because it would have real shepherds in it! He told us that there was a lake near the place where they stayed and he thought the easiest way for the cook to catch shepherds was to set traps and drown them. I couldn't change his mind! Once an idea is fixed in his head it is impossible to reason with him. He still insists that Rolf Harris used to have three legs!! He just has his own completely original view of the world.
When he came back from the school trip he told us that he had seen some cattle and one of them was a bull. I asked how he knew it was a bull and he said "I could tell by the look in its eyes".I explained that you could not tell by looking at the eyes and I intended to talk about a ring in the nose, but Sam put his hands on his hips and sighed. He said "Mum! I couldn't look at his dangly bits in case I embarrassed him, I didn't want him to chase me".
Human Rights
As a delaying tactic Robbie found it essential to have a shower and change before going out to buy floor covering yesterday. He emerged from the bathroom wearing a creation that left me speechless and the children horrified. When I recovered my powers of speech I informed him firmly that he was not going out like that, he protested bravely and retreated upstairs to change, muttering darkly about human rights. I was considering the human rights of anyone else he encountered! The offending article was a Walsall football shirt (the 92/93 strip). It was so tight fitting that it looked like lycra and it was red with white in a splodgy tie dye effect making it look pink. I have seen something similar before, but in that case it was being worn by 'the only gay in the village' on Little Britain!!!
In the Dog House
Robbie has been 'in the dog house' for a few days. Being a man it took him about three days to notice my irritation and when he finally became aware of my displeasure he had no idea what he had done wrong. This annoyed me even more and I left him to work it out, an inspired decision as it turned out, because in the process of working it out he revealed a number of transgressions that I was totally unaware of! After about 4 days, he still didn't have a clue what was bothering me and even when I told him it was a 'sin of omission' he was clueless. I know he's a train planner, but I didn't think I would have to provide him with a diagram to help him work it out!
It wasn't exactly a minor issue, he had ripped up the lounge carpet and carted it off to the tip, but he had just left the floor bare with the furniture all in the wrong place and he had made no attempt to order or even discuss new floor covering! The little matter of Christmas looming on the horizon and just the need for some sort of order was really getting me down. Having had the problem spelled out for him he had difficulty finding a window in his busy schedule because he is going to a model railway exhibition today. Thank goodness for late night shopping, the floor covering is ordered and normal service has been resumed!
It wasn't exactly a minor issue, he had ripped up the lounge carpet and carted it off to the tip, but he had just left the floor bare with the furniture all in the wrong place and he had made no attempt to order or even discuss new floor covering! The little matter of Christmas looming on the horizon and just the need for some sort of order was really getting me down. Having had the problem spelled out for him he had difficulty finding a window in his busy schedule because he is going to a model railway exhibition today. Thank goodness for late night shopping, the floor covering is ordered and normal service has been resumed!
Pendolino to Carlisle
We went on a Pendolino to Carlisle today - just there and back to make sure that it is still in the same place! We went to Milton Keynes to catch the Carlisle service, we go there for the comedy value, they have the campest station announcer ever. He is so entertaining, the children find him absolutely hilarious.
I quite like train travel because it gives me a chance to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes - people watching. While Robbie bought the hot drinks at Northampton the men at the ticket barrier caught my eye. The Silverlink uniform is uninspiring and with their long dark coats and the white bands around their caps, they looked rather like St Johns Ambulance personnel, but the lugubrious faces that this 'cheerful' pair possessed had a hint of the Gestapo about them.
At Milton Keynes the Virgin staff had their long winter coats on as they stood next to the departing trains. They looked very smart and just a little sinister - like German border guards. Virgin obviously try hard to ensure that their staff look smart, but from my observations shoe cleaning is a lost art in urgent need of revival! The employee on our platform was frighteningly young (another sign of my advancing age), in his somewhat large overcoat he reminded me of Paddington Bear, he looked so cute and vulnerable.
Our journey was interesting, I think I prefer Voyagers because they have nicer toilets, but pendolinos are quite nice. Our train manager's announcements were incredible, I didn't understand a word he said, but I have never met anyone who could manage as many words per minute before. May be someone had accidentally set him on fast forward. It is good to see that Virgin are doing their bit for diversity, our train crew was like the league of nations. The chap who served our breakfast was rather cute and he had a gorgeous South African accent. I lost Robbie on the train, he claimed it was an urgent trip to the toilet, but I wasn't born yesterday, we were near Crewe and he was in the vestibule doing a bit of cranking!
The train manager had a sex change at Preston and acquired an impenetrable Scottish accent. After a lot of beautiful countryside and regular time checks from Robbie as he traced the route on his Quail map, we arrived at Carlisle. It is an interesting little place, we had a look around for an hour or two. Unfortunately it seemed to be geriatric day, there were millions of them with their shopping trolleys, plodding around the shops with no sense of urgency whatsoever. We spotted one man wearing a kilt and a deerstalker hat, very scary! I was struck by the diversity of accents and the complete absence of manners - it was almost like being in France! I managed to keep Robbie out of Marks and Spencer's and as a reward I bought him a really nice book about GWR.
We had a pleasant journey back, Robbie started doing the speaking clock thing again, but I managed to distract him by explaining the reproductive arrangements for sheep. We saw a lot of sheep. Considering Robbie grew up in a rural area he doesn't know much. We enjoyed the day and I saw lots of interesting railway stuff, my favourite was a Class 37 DRS Tractor, it has a cute little face. I also saw some freight as it thundered through Milton Keynes, I am quite interested in freight trains.
I quite like train travel because it gives me a chance to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes - people watching. While Robbie bought the hot drinks at Northampton the men at the ticket barrier caught my eye. The Silverlink uniform is uninspiring and with their long dark coats and the white bands around their caps, they looked rather like St Johns Ambulance personnel, but the lugubrious faces that this 'cheerful' pair possessed had a hint of the Gestapo about them.
At Milton Keynes the Virgin staff had their long winter coats on as they stood next to the departing trains. They looked very smart and just a little sinister - like German border guards. Virgin obviously try hard to ensure that their staff look smart, but from my observations shoe cleaning is a lost art in urgent need of revival! The employee on our platform was frighteningly young (another sign of my advancing age), in his somewhat large overcoat he reminded me of Paddington Bear, he looked so cute and vulnerable.
Our journey was interesting, I think I prefer Voyagers because they have nicer toilets, but pendolinos are quite nice. Our train manager's announcements were incredible, I didn't understand a word he said, but I have never met anyone who could manage as many words per minute before. May be someone had accidentally set him on fast forward. It is good to see that Virgin are doing their bit for diversity, our train crew was like the league of nations. The chap who served our breakfast was rather cute and he had a gorgeous South African accent. I lost Robbie on the train, he claimed it was an urgent trip to the toilet, but I wasn't born yesterday, we were near Crewe and he was in the vestibule doing a bit of cranking!
The train manager had a sex change at Preston and acquired an impenetrable Scottish accent. After a lot of beautiful countryside and regular time checks from Robbie as he traced the route on his Quail map, we arrived at Carlisle. It is an interesting little place, we had a look around for an hour or two. Unfortunately it seemed to be geriatric day, there were millions of them with their shopping trolleys, plodding around the shops with no sense of urgency whatsoever. We spotted one man wearing a kilt and a deerstalker hat, very scary! I was struck by the diversity of accents and the complete absence of manners - it was almost like being in France! I managed to keep Robbie out of Marks and Spencer's and as a reward I bought him a really nice book about GWR.
We had a pleasant journey back, Robbie started doing the speaking clock thing again, but I managed to distract him by explaining the reproductive arrangements for sheep. We saw a lot of sheep. Considering Robbie grew up in a rural area he doesn't know much. We enjoyed the day and I saw lots of interesting railway stuff, my favourite was a Class 37 DRS Tractor, it has a cute little face. I also saw some freight as it thundered through Milton Keynes, I am quite interested in freight trains.
What to Wear
Yesterday evening the girls were watching Trinny and Susannah Undress. I have only seen it a couple of times, but each week they work with a married couple in an attempt to smarten them up and make them feel more confident. Robbie had one of his more frightening ideas and suggested it would be great fun for us to receive the Trinny and Susannah treatment. I treated the idea with the contempt it deserved, but the girls were horrified. Emily quite reasonably pointed out that the main problem we have with Robbie is getting him to wear clothes. The girls get very cross with him for plodding around the house in his PJ bottoms, or horror of horrors in his pants! I think Robbie would be too great a challenge for Trinny and Susannah and I certainly wouldn't want them telling me what to wear!
Thankfully he seems to have forgotten all about Trinny and Susannah today. This evening he treated me to a detailed description of the first class seating arrangements on Pendolnos - the excitement was almost too much for me!! I had to beg him to stop talking for a while, and when he finally abandoned the subject of seating plans he admitted that one or two of his colleagues have asked how I cope with him. The answer to that is easy, I love him. I can't explain why, I never did understand chemistry! Most of his weird ways don't bother me at all. it is great fun being married to Robbie and if I want a bit of peace occasionally I just send him out to play trains.
Thankfully he seems to have forgotten all about Trinny and Susannah today. This evening he treated me to a detailed description of the first class seating arrangements on Pendolnos - the excitement was almost too much for me!! I had to beg him to stop talking for a while, and when he finally abandoned the subject of seating plans he admitted that one or two of his colleagues have asked how I cope with him. The answer to that is easy, I love him. I can't explain why, I never did understand chemistry! Most of his weird ways don't bother me at all. it is great fun being married to Robbie and if I want a bit of peace occasionally I just send him out to play trains.
The Trouble With Socks
Why is it that socks go into the laundry basket in pairs and emerge from the dryer determinedly single? I spent ages this evening trying to reunite lone socks with their partners, but the bag of widows and orphans seemed almost as full when I had finished. So where do all the lost socks go?
Robbie is very particular about his socks, he likes to buy them from his beloved Marks and Spencer’s. I really don’t understand what the attraction is, I have always thought of it as a geriatric paradise, and I have never bought clothing from there, it just isn’t me. Robbie on the other hand is obsessed with the place and at the slightest opportunity he will head to M&S and while away a couple of hours doing a complete stock analysis. Anyway he buys his socks mainly from there.
His taste in socks is almost as eclectic as his preference in shirts! He likes loud colours, and why settle for one loud colour when you can have loud stripes – he likes stripes! They even put in an appearance at our wedding. I have written before about the compromise we reached concerning Robbie wearing shoes rather than Dr Marten boots to get married. The little detail I had overlooked was the socks. On the day we were getting ready to leave the house when Robbie emerged wearing a very nice suit and bare feet. In his hand he carried a brand new rather noticeable pair of pink socks. There was no way that he was leaving the house in those, and after a forlorn attempt to fight his corner he headed back upstairs get some different socks. I thought nothing more about it until we were asked to sit down during the ceremony. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Robbie’s immaculate shoes and his hideous socks – they were clashing stripes of different blues. I have held a grudge against those socks ever since, but the dratted things never get separated in the wash and they show no signs of wearing out!
Robbie is very particular about his socks, he likes to buy them from his beloved Marks and Spencer’s. I really don’t understand what the attraction is, I have always thought of it as a geriatric paradise, and I have never bought clothing from there, it just isn’t me. Robbie on the other hand is obsessed with the place and at the slightest opportunity he will head to M&S and while away a couple of hours doing a complete stock analysis. Anyway he buys his socks mainly from there.
His taste in socks is almost as eclectic as his preference in shirts! He likes loud colours, and why settle for one loud colour when you can have loud stripes – he likes stripes! They even put in an appearance at our wedding. I have written before about the compromise we reached concerning Robbie wearing shoes rather than Dr Marten boots to get married. The little detail I had overlooked was the socks. On the day we were getting ready to leave the house when Robbie emerged wearing a very nice suit and bare feet. In his hand he carried a brand new rather noticeable pair of pink socks. There was no way that he was leaving the house in those, and after a forlorn attempt to fight his corner he headed back upstairs get some different socks. I thought nothing more about it until we were asked to sit down during the ceremony. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Robbie’s immaculate shoes and his hideous socks – they were clashing stripes of different blues. I have held a grudge against those socks ever since, but the dratted things never get separated in the wash and they show no signs of wearing out!
The Shipping Forecast
After my rant about Network Rail yesterday we are back to the more sedate subject of Robbie's reading matter. Robbie and I had quite a lot of adjustments to make when we decided to marry. I accepted his Dr Martens, his trains and his music. He had to accept wall to wall Radio 4. At first he teased me about it, but after a while he was addicted too, and now he listens to everything from the Archers to the Shipping Forecast. In fact he became fascinated by the magic of the Shipping Forecast and he wanted to know more about the place names that were recited in the daily forecast. A couple of weeks ago he bought himself a book called Journey Around the Shipping Forecast. You know what that means don't you? It means that Robbie will read a whole book with no trains - just a lot of seagulls!
Lies, Spin and Statistics
This morning finds me growling with frustration. No, this time it isn't Robbie's fault, it is Network Rail. The early morning news informed me that Network Rail have made a profit for the first time, maybe they have but it wasn't that bit that wound me up, it was the media spin that they put out. It was the claim that 9 out of 10 trains run on time. Don’t they realise that I am lied to by experts on a daily basis; I have a husband and three children! Not to mention years of double speak and deception from this government. I recognise a lie when I meet one. You can make statistics say almost anything. I seem to remember a quotation in my school maths textbook; it said ‘Statistics are like a lamp post to a drunken man, more a means of support than illumination’.
If 9 out of 10 trains run on time, and I have my doubts about that, we need the bigger picture about how that is achieved. What about the two occasions last week when Robbie’s train from Birmingham New Street actually started from Birmingham International? Yes, it may have arrived on time, but the bulk of its passengers were still standing on the platform at New Street. Or the morning last week when Robbie’s train to Birmingham was still waiting at Northampton full of passengers when the next train to Birmingham left. Nobody bothered to tell the passengers! They may be meeting targets by some contorted means, but they are certainly not giving any thought to the passengers. Customer Service – they haven’t got a clue!
Some bigwig from Network Rail was on Radio 4 spouting fourth about using road tolls to get people of the road and on to the trains. What trains? Surely not the trains that are already full and standing? Ones that start from the wrong station perhaps, or the ones that are working to a leaf fall timetable and mess up all the connections, or perhaps it is the trains that have mysteriously morphed into cramped smelly coaches because of engineering possession blocking the line. It is certainly those prohibitively expensive trains that a Machiavellian pricing policy. I can drive my whole family to Cornwall for less than the cost of one adult rail fare, even if I could afford it the railway can’t take me to where I want to go, Dr Beeching made certain of that! I like travelling by train and I would do it more often if some simple problems were remedied. I don’t want to pay a fortune just to stand for the whole journey, I want somewhere to leave my luggage and I don’t want to spend hours marooned at God forsaken stations like Birmingham New Street. Most of all I don’t want to be caught up in the dreaded New Street marathon, when late and badly publicised platform changes leave stressed passengers, weighed down with luggage, rushing up and down stairs to reach their train. Even on a good day a visit to New Street is a joyless experience. It is all well and good for Network Rail to come up with these suggestions, but it is about time that the public were treated to a bit of honesty and a lot more joined up thinking.
Poor old Robbie rang me on his way into work and got a ten minute tirade on the subject of Network Rail. It is one of the few occasions that I have known him to be almost speechless.
If 9 out of 10 trains run on time, and I have my doubts about that, we need the bigger picture about how that is achieved. What about the two occasions last week when Robbie’s train from Birmingham New Street actually started from Birmingham International? Yes, it may have arrived on time, but the bulk of its passengers were still standing on the platform at New Street. Or the morning last week when Robbie’s train to Birmingham was still waiting at Northampton full of passengers when the next train to Birmingham left. Nobody bothered to tell the passengers! They may be meeting targets by some contorted means, but they are certainly not giving any thought to the passengers. Customer Service – they haven’t got a clue!
Some bigwig from Network Rail was on Radio 4 spouting fourth about using road tolls to get people of the road and on to the trains. What trains? Surely not the trains that are already full and standing? Ones that start from the wrong station perhaps, or the ones that are working to a leaf fall timetable and mess up all the connections, or perhaps it is the trains that have mysteriously morphed into cramped smelly coaches because of engineering possession blocking the line. It is certainly those prohibitively expensive trains that a Machiavellian pricing policy. I can drive my whole family to Cornwall for less than the cost of one adult rail fare, even if I could afford it the railway can’t take me to where I want to go, Dr Beeching made certain of that! I like travelling by train and I would do it more often if some simple problems were remedied. I don’t want to pay a fortune just to stand for the whole journey, I want somewhere to leave my luggage and I don’t want to spend hours marooned at God forsaken stations like Birmingham New Street. Most of all I don’t want to be caught up in the dreaded New Street marathon, when late and badly publicised platform changes leave stressed passengers, weighed down with luggage, rushing up and down stairs to reach their train. Even on a good day a visit to New Street is a joyless experience. It is all well and good for Network Rail to come up with these suggestions, but it is about time that the public were treated to a bit of honesty and a lot more joined up thinking.
Poor old Robbie rang me on his way into work and got a ten minute tirade on the subject of Network Rail. It is one of the few occasions that I have known him to be almost speechless.
Burning Bradshaws
This morning we were cuddled up in bed when the subject of Robbie's large collection of railway books arose. He has shelves of them close to his side of the bed so that his bedtime reading is close at hand. Robbie mainly reads railway books, railway magazines, and other assorted magazines. His favourite non railway magazine is Stuff, full of information about every gadget imaginable. He doesn't read fiction at all - except the Guardian, but you already know my opinion on that!
He often looks at his Quail Maps in bed. I don't really see the attraction, it is interesting to see the precise details of local lines, but I really don't think I could become engrossed in a a Quail Map for hours! Anyway getting back to this morning, I made the mistake of suggesting that we could get rid of some of his out of date maps and timetables. He almost leapt out of bed to stand between me and his precious books. He yelled, "you can't do that, it would be like burning Bradshaw’s".
I knew that I was in for a long explanation. Robbie painstakingly explained that Bradshaw’s was an independently produced timetable covering all the railway companies in pre nationalisation days. Not surprisingly he took rather more than one sentence to explain that! He went on to say that his huge tomes were more modern but absolutely indispensable. They are apparently an essential work of reference and must be kept forever. I was far from convinced, but if he needs a security blanket who am I to deprive him of it!
It crossed my mind that if Hercule Poirot managed to catch a serial killer using the ABC Railway Guide, who knows what Robbie could achieve with his National Railway Timetables!
A similar principle apparently applies to Quail maps and therefore we are compelled to keep the past version as well as the present ones. Oh well, it will soon be standing room only in our bedroom, but if it makes him happy I will live with it. Come to think of it, it sounds just like his journey home on Central Trains, when they decide to actually provide the service as advertised it is always full and standing!
Discussion of Quail Maps led Robbie somehow to Exeter and a landmark called Red Cow level crossing on the approach to the station. I'm not sure of the relevance but my knowledge of agriculture was sufficient for me to tell him that it was almost certainly named after the Devon Red breed of cattle. Life with Robbie is certainly an education!
He often looks at his Quail Maps in bed. I don't really see the attraction, it is interesting to see the precise details of local lines, but I really don't think I could become engrossed in a a Quail Map for hours! Anyway getting back to this morning, I made the mistake of suggesting that we could get rid of some of his out of date maps and timetables. He almost leapt out of bed to stand between me and his precious books. He yelled, "you can't do that, it would be like burning Bradshaw’s".
I knew that I was in for a long explanation. Robbie painstakingly explained that Bradshaw’s was an independently produced timetable covering all the railway companies in pre nationalisation days. Not surprisingly he took rather more than one sentence to explain that! He went on to say that his huge tomes were more modern but absolutely indispensable. They are apparently an essential work of reference and must be kept forever. I was far from convinced, but if he needs a security blanket who am I to deprive him of it!
It crossed my mind that if Hercule Poirot managed to catch a serial killer using the ABC Railway Guide, who knows what Robbie could achieve with his National Railway Timetables!
A similar principle apparently applies to Quail maps and therefore we are compelled to keep the past version as well as the present ones. Oh well, it will soon be standing room only in our bedroom, but if it makes him happy I will live with it. Come to think of it, it sounds just like his journey home on Central Trains, when they decide to actually provide the service as advertised it is always full and standing!
Discussion of Quail Maps led Robbie somehow to Exeter and a landmark called Red Cow level crossing on the approach to the station. I'm not sure of the relevance but my knowledge of agriculture was sufficient for me to tell him that it was almost certainly named after the Devon Red breed of cattle. Life with Robbie is certainly an education!
This Makes Train Spotting Sound Normal!
With two teenage daughters in the house, control of the TV is very firmly in their hands. One of their favourites is the Sharon Osborne Show. A while ago there was a guest on the show who was a roundabout spotter, not the sort of roundabout that you ride on, the sort that you drive round! The chap seemed fairly normal but the girls found his hobby hilarious. It was still the topic of conversation when Robbie got home and between fits of giggles they told him about it. Robbie wasn't remotely surprised, and after showing off his own detailed knowledge of roundabouts in various parts of the country, he went on to explain that he had a friend who was an escalator spotter. By this stage the girls were in agony from laughing so much!
Bungle, Bungle!
Robbie arrived home considerably later than planned yet again - due to the total incompetence of Central Trains who seem to have abandoned the pretence of customer service. I went out to rescue him from the station and was treated to one of his weirder 'did you knows'.
This time he asked me if I knew what the term Bungle Bungle meant. I said that it sounded like Rainbow meets the Wombles and for a moment I stunned him into silence. He then named all the characters from Rainbow - Zippy, George, Bungle, Geoffrey, Rod, Jane and Freddie! Another ponderous silence before the triumphant declaration that Womble in question was actually called Bungo not Bungle. I was happy to take refuge in TV land, but Robbie dragged me kicking and screaming back to the world of train planning.
Apparently the term ‘bungle bungle’ is used to replace numbers that are not yet available e.g. the number of a train service. I hope my brief approximation will satisfy any readers. The intricacies of this concept were explained to me in infinite detail in the car and then for another half hour or so just after midnight when we were in bed! I tried distraction but failed miserably, so I took the only course of action left open to me - I fell asleep!!!
This time he asked me if I knew what the term Bungle Bungle meant. I said that it sounded like Rainbow meets the Wombles and for a moment I stunned him into silence. He then named all the characters from Rainbow - Zippy, George, Bungle, Geoffrey, Rod, Jane and Freddie! Another ponderous silence before the triumphant declaration that Womble in question was actually called Bungo not Bungle. I was happy to take refuge in TV land, but Robbie dragged me kicking and screaming back to the world of train planning.
Apparently the term ‘bungle bungle’ is used to replace numbers that are not yet available e.g. the number of a train service. I hope my brief approximation will satisfy any readers. The intricacies of this concept were explained to me in infinite detail in the car and then for another half hour or so just after midnight when we were in bed! I tried distraction but failed miserably, so I took the only course of action left open to me - I fell asleep!!!
Love Me, Love My Dog.
I didn’t get my early night on Tuesday, not even a quick flick through the Argos catalogue! Robbie was busy on the computer and our dog Megan was staring up at him trying to pretend that she hadn’t been fed for days. There was no way I would get any attention. Megan and Robbie have an amazing relationship, maybe it is because they are both somewhat eccentric.
Megan is a failed sheepdog; she wasn’t much use as a sheepdog because she was afraid of sheep! She is afraid of most things really - men, thunder, fireworks, lorry’s, the list is endless. She even gets bullied by our rather feisty rabbit.
The odd thing is that from the very first time they met, Megan and Robbie have had a very special relationship. Robbie loves trains, but Megan is more interested in bicycles - she loves chasing wheels. Both are a bit obsessive, Robbie counts the stairs every time he goes up or down, Megan rushes round in circles frantically trying to round up the rabbit or the guinea pig. So now you know how crop circles are created, it has nothing to do with aliens, they are caused by demented border collies trying to round up rabbits! Megan has created her own lawn circles. Robbie and Meg have something else in common too, they are both easily distracted. Megan only has to catch sight of a football and she has to chase it, Robbie is just the same with trains, books about trains or model trains, suddenly he forgets what he should be doing and becomes totally engrossed – it is almost impossible to drag him out of the model shop!
Megan loves Robbie, but it doesn’t stop her playing tricks on him. On several occasions she has managed to get fed twice by using her most dejected expression and pretending to be starving. Unfortunately Megan sometimes suffers from flatulence. She sits in the doorway of the lounge with her head facing into the hall, she emits a silent but deadly fragrance and when the odour pervades the room she stands up, casts an accusatory glance at Robbie and wanders away in search of clean air. She speaks so clearly without any words, I guess that is where they differ, Robbie uses an excess of words!
Megan is a failed sheepdog; she wasn’t much use as a sheepdog because she was afraid of sheep! She is afraid of most things really - men, thunder, fireworks, lorry’s, the list is endless. She even gets bullied by our rather feisty rabbit.
The odd thing is that from the very first time they met, Megan and Robbie have had a very special relationship. Robbie loves trains, but Megan is more interested in bicycles - she loves chasing wheels. Both are a bit obsessive, Robbie counts the stairs every time he goes up or down, Megan rushes round in circles frantically trying to round up the rabbit or the guinea pig. So now you know how crop circles are created, it has nothing to do with aliens, they are caused by demented border collies trying to round up rabbits! Megan has created her own lawn circles. Robbie and Meg have something else in common too, they are both easily distracted. Megan only has to catch sight of a football and she has to chase it, Robbie is just the same with trains, books about trains or model trains, suddenly he forgets what he should be doing and becomes totally engrossed – it is almost impossible to drag him out of the model shop!
Megan loves Robbie, but it doesn’t stop her playing tricks on him. On several occasions she has managed to get fed twice by using her most dejected expression and pretending to be starving. Unfortunately Megan sometimes suffers from flatulence. She sits in the doorway of the lounge with her head facing into the hall, she emits a silent but deadly fragrance and when the odour pervades the room she stands up, casts an accusatory glance at Robbie and wanders away in search of clean air. She speaks so clearly without any words, I guess that is where they differ, Robbie uses an excess of words!
Car Wash
Being a train person, cars are not of much significance to Robbie – but he becomes a bit of an anorak about buses and trams! He has no interest whatsoever in learning to drive a car and I must admit that in my weaker moments I feel that this is a benefit to the community!
I have a Galaxy and it seems to require new tyres almost as often as Robbie desires new shoes. Checking the tyre pressure has become one of those routine jobs that we do more or less every week. At first Robbie was unsure of the process, but his confidence grew and in true Robbie style he has made the task his own. He has turned it into an art form and he now times himself to the second!
Robbie had his own clear ideas about washing the car. As far as he was concerned it had to be done by hand with a traditional chamois. The process involved me moving the car several times so that he could complete the task to his satisfaction. I found the arrangement irritating and Robbie trooping in and out of the kitchen to update me on his progress and refill his bucket could have proved dangerous – to his health! Matters came to a head and when he still resisted the option of the jet wash, I pointed out that it would be quicker, easier, more effective and safer (for him!). None of this swayed him, but then I suggested that the present contortions were an elaborate ruse to engage our very attractive neighbour in conversation! Deeply indignant and protesting just a little too much he meekly agreed to the jet wash.
Once at the garage he was like a child with a new toy. After giving the car the full treatment he jumped back into the passenger seat soaking wet, with a huge grin on his face. Believe it or not he asked if we could drive round and do it again! I didn’t oblige, but I promised he could come out to play again the next weekend. He then told me in great detail about the Tonka Trucks that he had when he was a little boy! Our trips to the jet wash are now almost a weekly event.
Having discovered the jet wash, his enthusiasm for car related gadgets has greatly increased. He has mastered the new vacuum machine and he particularly enjoys the bit at the end when he can douse the car interior with ‘new car’ fragrance. I have to drive with the windows open for a while after that!
Robbie’s latest discovery is how to fill the car with diesel. I have never seen anyone get so much pleasure from such a mundane task! Perhaps all this enthusiasm for cars will improve his map reading, but somehow I doubt it!
I have a Galaxy and it seems to require new tyres almost as often as Robbie desires new shoes. Checking the tyre pressure has become one of those routine jobs that we do more or less every week. At first Robbie was unsure of the process, but his confidence grew and in true Robbie style he has made the task his own. He has turned it into an art form and he now times himself to the second!
Robbie had his own clear ideas about washing the car. As far as he was concerned it had to be done by hand with a traditional chamois. The process involved me moving the car several times so that he could complete the task to his satisfaction. I found the arrangement irritating and Robbie trooping in and out of the kitchen to update me on his progress and refill his bucket could have proved dangerous – to his health! Matters came to a head and when he still resisted the option of the jet wash, I pointed out that it would be quicker, easier, more effective and safer (for him!). None of this swayed him, but then I suggested that the present contortions were an elaborate ruse to engage our very attractive neighbour in conversation! Deeply indignant and protesting just a little too much he meekly agreed to the jet wash.
Once at the garage he was like a child with a new toy. After giving the car the full treatment he jumped back into the passenger seat soaking wet, with a huge grin on his face. Believe it or not he asked if we could drive round and do it again! I didn’t oblige, but I promised he could come out to play again the next weekend. He then told me in great detail about the Tonka Trucks that he had when he was a little boy! Our trips to the jet wash are now almost a weekly event.
Having discovered the jet wash, his enthusiasm for car related gadgets has greatly increased. He has mastered the new vacuum machine and he particularly enjoys the bit at the end when he can douse the car interior with ‘new car’ fragrance. I have to drive with the windows open for a while after that!
Robbie’s latest discovery is how to fill the car with diesel. I have never seen anyone get so much pleasure from such a mundane task! Perhaps all this enthusiasm for cars will improve his map reading, but somehow I doubt it!
What's in a Name
Robbie is known by many names. To his Dad he will always be Robert. To the Wild Woman from Walsall (the one whose voice sounds like finger nails being dragged across a blackboard) he is Bob. At work he has several nicknames but at home he is just Robbie - except when he's in the doghouse! He does have a nickname here too. I call him Fred after Fred Elliott, a larger than life Coronation Street character who always repeated himself. I will leave you to draw your own conclusions about the aptness of his nickname!
A Tempting Offer
Robbie leaves for work very early and my day starts early too, so Robbie usually rings me on his way to work. This morning I had just got to my office when Robbie rang me. It's always nice to talk to him, but this morning he left me speechless. He said "we must have an early night tonight.......... we can cuddle up and look at the Argos catalogue together". How could I possibly answer that!
A Way With Words
I have mentioned Robbie's unique way with words before, but even when you think you are used to him he still has the power to surprise. After a lovely day together today he held me close, looked into my eyes and said "do you know................ you really remind me of my Gran"
Not exactly a complement in normal circumstances, but I knew that Robbie thought the world of his Gran. His Dad had to smile when I told him, but then he pointed out that like Robbie's Gran I am not afraid to give him a boot up the rear end when necessary!
Not exactly a complement in normal circumstances, but I knew that Robbie thought the world of his Gran. His Dad had to smile when I told him, but then he pointed out that like Robbie's Gran I am not afraid to give him a boot up the rear end when necessary!
Family Ties - and Shirts!
On Saturday afternoon when Robbie's headache was less troublesome he said he needed to go to town to buy a belt. I was busy decorating the lounge so he had to go on his own - not always a good idea because he gets carried away when clothes shopping!
I thought no more about the shopping trip until this morning when he rather sheepishly told me that he couldn't find a suitable belt, but he had accidentally bought two shirts and two ties. The concept of accidental shopping is new to me, but one of the shirts certainly looked like an accident. I couldn't help asking if he was aiming for the 'used car salesman look' or if he intended to wear it with green wellies! The other shirt was fine, but the ties were somewhat alarming, one was not too bad but the other was a striking green creation that would not have looked out of place on a leprechaun. When I was a little girl my grandmother used to say "never trust a man in green trousers". I dread to think how she would have reacted to Robbie's tie.
The Burgess tie collection is now quite extensive, there are one or two more sober specimens, but on the whole his ties are best described as memorable. It takes a certain courage to combine colours in the way that Robbie does, but that is part of his own unique style.
I thought no more about the shopping trip until this morning when he rather sheepishly told me that he couldn't find a suitable belt, but he had accidentally bought two shirts and two ties. The concept of accidental shopping is new to me, but one of the shirts certainly looked like an accident. I couldn't help asking if he was aiming for the 'used car salesman look' or if he intended to wear it with green wellies! The other shirt was fine, but the ties were somewhat alarming, one was not too bad but the other was a striking green creation that would not have looked out of place on a leprechaun. When I was a little girl my grandmother used to say "never trust a man in green trousers". I dread to think how she would have reacted to Robbie's tie.
The Burgess tie collection is now quite extensive, there are one or two more sober specimens, but on the whole his ties are best described as memorable. It takes a certain courage to combine colours in the way that Robbie does, but that is part of his own unique style.
Seven Inches
When I first heard Robbie talking about his 'seven inches' I thought he was deluding himself. However I soon realised that he was talking about his 7in vinyl record collection - what in my day were called singles. By collection I don't mean a handful of records, he has several hundred of these little devils and he still keeps buying more. They are not to be played, he likes them to be perfect so he buys the corresponding CD as well! This creates huge storage issues and the records are particularly fragile. What do you do with a man whose hoarding gene is out of control? Maybe I should buy him a shed!
I wouldn't mind so much if I actually enjoyed some of the music, but with one or two notable exceptions I can't stand it. It is either loud bangy stuff or downright weird! My particular pet hates are Bjork and Radiohead (which sounds like strangled Bjork). If Robbie ever gets into a strop he shuts himself in the kitchen with something horribly loud blaring out from the cd player, it never bothers me, I just leave him shut in there with the washing up. My own methods when irritated are more subtle, if we go out in the car I play the Bee Gees, I like them but Robbie finds all those high notes a bit scary! We do have a couple of Cliff Richard CD's - but that would be cruel and unusual punishment!
I wouldn't mind so much if I actually enjoyed some of the music, but with one or two notable exceptions I can't stand it. It is either loud bangy stuff or downright weird! My particular pet hates are Bjork and Radiohead (which sounds like strangled Bjork). If Robbie ever gets into a strop he shuts himself in the kitchen with something horribly loud blaring out from the cd player, it never bothers me, I just leave him shut in there with the washing up. My own methods when irritated are more subtle, if we go out in the car I play the Bee Gees, I like them but Robbie finds all those high notes a bit scary! We do have a couple of Cliff Richard CD's - but that would be cruel and unusual punishment!
Body Work
We were cuddled up in bed this morning listening to the radio, when I was treated to the first 'Random Robbie' of the day. With the morning service playing in the background he said "I know we are always really busy, but do you know what I would really like to do".
After a brief pause he continued "I would like to take up modelling again"
Suddenly I was fully awake, I wondered if there was something wrong with my hearing, surely he hadn't really said modelling? Robbie has a nice body, but the 'Burgess Belly' is hard to ignore. The children often tease him for walking around with his hand on his hip, but I had never thought of him as modelling material - unless of course they are thinking of a Homer Simpson range!I realised that Robbie was still talking, something about base boards and track. A wave of relief swept over me as I realised that he was talking about railway modelling! I quite enjoy his enthusiasm for model trains, we already have 5 crates and several boxes of trains stashed away in the bedroom, I don't suppose a few more will make much difference.
After a brief pause he continued "I would like to take up modelling again"
Suddenly I was fully awake, I wondered if there was something wrong with my hearing, surely he hadn't really said modelling? Robbie has a nice body, but the 'Burgess Belly' is hard to ignore. The children often tease him for walking around with his hand on his hip, but I had never thought of him as modelling material - unless of course they are thinking of a Homer Simpson range!I realised that Robbie was still talking, something about base boards and track. A wave of relief swept over me as I realised that he was talking about railway modelling! I quite enjoy his enthusiasm for model trains, we already have 5 crates and several boxes of trains stashed away in the bedroom, I don't suppose a few more will make much difference.
The Naked Truth
I think Robbie is incredibly brave, he volunteered to pose for a naked calendar produced by his company to raise funds for charity. Our two younger children (11 and 15) were horrified and have threatened him not to tell any of their friends about it. The older one (17) just thinks it's funny as long as we don't have to have a calendar in the house!
Several months ago he went for the photo session. I love everything about Robbie, but I couldn't help wondering if the world was ready for his Homer Simpson physique. If the camera survived, I thought the viewing public would probably survive too. The theme for Robbie’s group was cycling and he was asked to take a bicycle pump with him as a prop. The children were hysterical, wondering how that could possibly preserve his modesty!!!
Several months ago he went for the photo session. I love everything about Robbie, but I couldn't help wondering if the world was ready for his Homer Simpson physique. If the camera survived, I thought the viewing public would probably survive too. The theme for Robbie’s group was cycling and he was asked to take a bicycle pump with him as a prop. The children were hysterical, wondering how that could possibly preserve his modesty!!!
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