Over the last few days we have developed a seriously unpleasant smell in the car. At work my sense of smell is legendary and I pride myself on being able to identify the exact origin of even the most obnoxious odours (it is a very useful skill in my line of work!) but the origin of this smell defeated me. I checked the car for any offending object, but there was nothing and every day the smell got worse. Copious amounts of Oust and car fresheners proved useless and I was being driven mad by the smell. It was similar to over ripe trainers crossed with rotting potato, but I just couldn't track it down.
When I was waiting for Laura at the music centre this afternoon I could bear it no longer and I decided to take the car apart. I lifted the seats up and looked in every possible nook and cranny - nothing! I still had ten minutes to wait so I thought I would have a look at the bag containing two or three pairs of new shorts for Robbie. They were a kind but misguided gift to him for an elderly relative and I didn't need a crystal ball to predict that they would be unsuitable. The strange thing about old people is that they constantly tell you to wear a vest, but when it comes to shorts they like them to have short legs, barely more than knickers. Robbie has very nice legs, but they look much nicer in long shorts. I was correct, in the bag were three pairs of too short shorts. Laura returned to the car just as I was looking at them and she begged me not to let him wear them. I assured her that he wouldn't wear them as they would make him look like Gandhi. She fell about laughing and pointed out that Robbie and Ghandi had very different girth measurements, but I was referring to the baggy nappy look.
Anyway I realised that there was something heavy at the bottom of the bag and when I looked in I found the source of the smell. The same doting relative had thoughtfully slipped a bag of carrots into the bag of shorts as a treat for the guinea pig. The shorts and carrots had been in the car for a week and the (thankfully) sealed bag of carrots contained a fermenting liquid that smelled frightening.
This little episode brought to mind an event years ago when I was about 10. I used to stay with an (honorary) aunt and uncle on their farm every summer, it was my idea of heaven. This particular year they had finally sold their lovely old Austin Cambridge and they were the proud owners of a not very attractive red Moskovich. This car started to smell bad, and over the week it got progressively worse. Uncle and I checked the car time and time again but we couldn't find anything. Then as a last resort he lifted the bonnet to look at the engine and the cause of the odour was revealed. A huge mouse had got into the engine space and hung itself on part of the metalwork in the inside of the bonnet. One small decaying rodent caused an almighty stink!
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