It is a week since we got home from holiday and there is only one thing that I didn't miss when we left Cornwall – the narrow roads! The Cornish roads around Padstow are not very wide and if you meet a vehicle coming the other way it can be a hair raising experience. The roads are beautiful with high hedges and wild flowers growing along the verge, they may look harmless but they demand respect. The hedges are built with earth and stone, they are made to last, so when you have to pull in to the edge of the road the innocent looking vegetation may conceal sharp edges ready to scratch your paintwork. It feels good to be driving on normal roads again!It has been a horrible week. After a fortnight of Robbie 24 – 7, I was quite looking forward to sending him back to work, but I really missed him and I hardly saw anything of him during the week. I missed a school reunion when I was on holiday, I was glad of an excuse not to go. I am not a going out sort of person anyway, but after this long I convinced myself that my former classmates would be younger, thinner and smarter than me! Despite my misgivings I was keen to hear news of the reunion and I contacted one of the people who had organised the event. I was expecting the usual inconsequential stuff about people I knew a lifetime ago. Instead she told me that someone who was a close friend during my school days had killed herself. It came as such a shock, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I have perhaps encountered more than my fair share of illness and loss, but I had never been confronted by suicide before, I can't imagine the despair and distress that would lead someone to take their own life. I wish life had been kinder to her.
Robbie also had bad news, he has been worried about his friend's health for months and last week his friend was finally diagnosed with a brain tumour. Robbie is a typical man, he is not good at feelings and all that stuff, and he found the news very difficult to accept. At first Robbie's anxiety and shock combined with an inner rage because he felt so powerless to help. I felt pretty useless too because there was nothing I could do or say to make him feel better. His friend has been foremost in his thoughts all week.
3 comments:
I'm sorry to hear you've been having such bad news all at once. Sometimes life seems to save these things up and throw them at us altogether.
I've known two people who killed themselves, one by throwing themselves under a train, can't imagine how life gets that bad! Also a relative tried but fortunately he was found in time and saved. This is the awful bit. Although he sufffered health problems he had a very happy life later on. That's why I find the act of suicide so hard to take. Surely there is every chance that life will be better again?
I hope this week brings much happier times for you both.
Linda.
Hi,
This is Robbie's cousin Wendy in the USA- I lurk here regularly and always enjoy reading your blog (and imagining what my life might have been like had my great-grandfather not decided to leave England).
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's suicide- my husband's first wife committed suicide (as did one of Robbie's cousins over here), and it seems the pain of the victim lives on in those left behind, unfortunately.
Best regards,
Wendy
Welcome Wendy, and thank you to both off you for your comments. I can't possibly imagine how bad someone must feel to even contemplate suicide, so I wouldn't judge them. I just know how hard some people struggle against all odds to survive and it seems so hard that other people who have their physical health find it intolerable to live. I know how hard it is to cope with the loss of a loved one when their death was unavoidable, it must be so much harder for those left behind after suicide, because they would always wonder if perhaps things could have been different.
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