Robbie can be so irritating sometimes, but somehow he always manages to make it my fault! It was past midnight when I went to bed, I left Robbie downstairs, but by the time I came out of the bathroom he had installed himself on the bed and was sitting there like an overgrown garden gnome reading one of his railway magazines. I tried to get into my side of the bed but the weight of 'the gnome' made it impossible to move the covers, it was more like a straight jacket than a duvet. After a battle he grudgingly moved for a second so that I could get into bed properly. I asked him to turn off the lights, but he refused, he needed the main light on as well as the 'search light' on his side of the bed, just to read about trains in the middle of the night.
All I wanted was to listen to Radio 4's book of the week, Chocolate and Cuckoo clocks: The Essential Allen Coren while I settled down to sleep. It is only on for 15 minutes and I can set the radio to turn off after an hour so it doesn't matter if I doze of f. Robbie would normally have listened to it too, but last night he turned the radio off without even asking me, I put it back on and he declared war. First he decided to read out loud and the more I asked him to shut up the louder he got, that didn't get sufficient reaction so he decided to eat Minstrels in bed, I can't bear the crunching, it's disgusting. I threatened to kill him but he still wouldn't stop so I lay there thinking about going to sleep downstairs, I started to get out of bed and he begged me to stay, promising to turn the light off. I stayed and he put, and he turned the light off and got into bed, but that was when the trouble really started. He deliberately lifted and fanned the duvet to let all the cold air in and as far as I am concerned that is unforgivable, then as I was finally dozing he kept prodding me and being annoying. Then suddenly he was asleep and once again I was left wide awake having to listen to him sleeping.
This morning he claimed that I was really miserable with him last night and he hadn't done anything to deserve it. Well, I am giving him fair warning, I am now armed with a black permanent marker and if he lets the heat out of my bed again he will wake up to find that his features have been enhanced with a moustache and whatever else I feel inspired to do at the time. I don't care if the RMT have messed up his timetables, it is no excuse for disrupting my sleep!
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