A Big Mistake

I think I have mentioned before that I wear contact lenses but I often don't put them in until I need to go out. On Sunday morning I was in a bit of a hurry because I needed to pick Sam up from church and then we were all going to my mums for a belated birthday celebration for my step father. As often happens the time rushed past, I'd been busy writing an article, then suddenly I noticed the time and I had to rush to have my bath and get ready. I decided to wear my jeans, they are too big really but they are ideal for going to mum's because her dogs jump all over me. I got dressed and rushed downstairs, but when I put my boots on I noticed that I kept treading on the back of the trousers, they seemed to have grown in the wash. Closer inspection revealed my mistake - they were Robbie's jeans! As they say, more haste less speed.

Pants

A recent shopper survey by Debenhams revealed that there are only a few years of independence when young men take responsibility for choosing their own underwear. According to the survey teenagers rely on their mothers to buy their pants until around the age of 19 and by the time men reach age 36 they have delegated the task of buying their underwear to their wife or partner.

Robbie is 37 and he still buys his own pants, if I bought them he certainly wouldn't wear those dreadful striped ones that remind me of an old fashioned swimming outfit. I have to admit that I have influenced his choice. When we first met he wore boxers, but they looked horrible and they bunched up under his suit to make it look as if he was wearing a nappy. He got the message after I started calling him Gandhi, now he wears trunks, they look much nicer and he says they are far more comfortable. Sam is almost 15, he would like to be able to select his own underwear, but since the kind he likes are £10 per pair I am unwilling to pay for that. We have reached a compromise on price, but he chooses the style.

Sam is left handed, he is just like Robbie when it comes sharing random snippets of information. The other day he informed me that they now produce left handed underwear for men! He is right, they stock it at Debenhams. Boxer shorts have a centre opening but trunks and Y fronts usually have a right handed opening. The pants made by Horn do not have a vertical opening, instead they have a horizontal opening just below the waistband. The company claims that this could save a left handed man three seconds each time he visits the bathroom. It doesn’t sound much to me, but I guess it would add up over a lifetime!

Shopping for Men

Why is it so hard to buy presents for men? It is my step father's birthday today, and I really struggled to find a suitable present for him. In the end I bought his favourite aftershave and a book of old photos of our town and the surrounding villages. He loved the book so at least the effort to find the right thing was worthwhile. At least I don't have that problem with Robbie, he is very easy to buy for. I find the easiest thing is to stick with the train theme, there are lots of options, a ride on a train, a model train, a visit to look at trains, a book about trains, maps showing train routes, paintings of trains, train DVDs, train pictures, train jigsaws, in fact he even likes bits of old trains! In the unlikely event that I ran out of train related options there are other possibilities, Dr Martens, gadgets or anything that he can eat - he loves to eat!

The Cat Won

Robbie and the cat have a couple of things in common, they both love eating and they both think that they should have my undivided attention. The cat sits on the arm of the chair leaning against me and he becomes even more interested if I eat anything. Last night Robbie told him to go away because I was going to have something to eat. As usual the cat ignored him, so Robbie poked him and suddenly it turned into a jousting competition with the cat sitting on his hind legs waving his arm menacingly at Robbie and Robbie dancing around in his PJs as if he was having a sword fight. Needless to say, the cat won and Robbie retreated to his corner to seek solace on the Internet.

Tickets Please

There is a series on Radio 4 on Monday mornings called Tickets Please. It is about the dysfunctional on board staff who work for a train company and their even more dysfunctional passengers. It is a fictional company and it is a very funny series, but I can't help wondering what company it is based on. It can't be Cross Country because they do not have on board catering, but I can't help wondering if they could perhaps have taken their inspiration from Virgin? I had a look at the BBC Radio 4 web site they do have a picture of a train speeding through a station but I don't recognise the livery. I pondered on it for ages then I thought OMG I am turning into Robbie!!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00nv6nr

Trouble Afoot

I can't put it off any longer, I have to give serious consideration to buying Christmas presents. The girls are sorted now and most of the presents for the wider family have been bought, my main problems are Robbie and Sam. I made a big mistake in planning, Sam's birthday is on 20th December so that adds to my present buying problems, I have a few ideas but I am still not sure what he would like. Robbie knows exactly what he wants, but the thought terrifies me - he wants red tartan Dr Marten boots. What a vision, he would look like an ageing Bay City Roller! When I made it clear that there is no way that I am going to buy them, he suggested an alternative, Dr Martens with Union Jack toe caps - no way!! Why can't he just be normal?

A Narrow Escape

I guess it should be a day of celebration since we don't have to endure President Blair. I have seen quite enough of that grin to last several lifetimes! I didn't feel much like celebrating this morning, I had to go to the hairdressers this morning, I couldn't put it off any longer. I absolutely hate having my hair cut, I would rather go to the dentist, but at least it is over and done with for another few weeks.

Reginald Perrin Lives Again

Robbie is becoming more like Reginald Perrin, his morning call to me consists of a detailed account of his journey timed to the second. Paying particular attention to every minor failing and inconvenience. On the subject of convenience, he seems to have become obsessed with the state of the train toilets. A week or so ago he had a 'near death experience' when every toilet on the train was out of use, since then he has treated me to a detailed analysis on the number of available toilets and their rather dubious state of cleanliness. It wouldn't be so bad if he could choose a better time to talk about it, but it is a bit off putting when I am eating my meal. Oh well, he keeps telling me I am going deaf, so I guess every cloud has a silver lining.

Irony

I read in a newspaper article yesterday that Network Rail staff will have to travel to a staff conference by coach because it is too expensive to travel by train. So that must be why they disrupt services and force rail travellers on to replacement buses, it's cheaper. According to the Metro article the cost of all the staff attending the conference by coach would be £2400 compared to £27000 for rail travel. I don't put too much faith in those figures since the same article claims that that Coventry is in Berkshire! Anyway there is a certain kind of irony in Network Rail staff being forced on to coaches, I hope they are smelly old bone shakers like the ones that we get stuck with each time they mess up our rail services.

Man Stress

Robbie had promised that this weekend would be special after the disaster of last weekend. It started OK but by Saturday afternoon Robbie had a huge man stress. When I went to pick Sam up I stopped to buy myself a newspaper, I hardly ever buy a newspaper and earlier that day Robbie had told me that if I wanted one that I would have to buy it myself. It didn't cross my mind that Robbie would want a paper, it was past 6pm so if he'd wanted one he would have got one by then. When I got home he was furious, he didn't seem to understand that I don't work by telepathy! He got into such a stress that he decided that he was going to walk to the supermarket to buy a paper. I offered him a lift but he refused and insisted on walking, he said he didn't want a meal cooking for him. So I got on with cooking and the rest of us ate without Robbie. When he returned with his precious Guardian he was even more impossible and it took him all night to get over his man stress.

His recovery didn't last long we had a disagreement about the Looe Valley line and who changes the points when the train changes direction. He even rang a colleague to prove that he was right - he wasn't! He didn't say much but his lip jutted out the way it always does when he is in a strop. He decided to go out on Sunday afternoon and evening, I wasn't impressed. So much for having his undivided attention all weekend!

There was one bit of comedy value, during the weekend, when he got all dressed up to go to the supermarket in the rain he looked very much like Kenny from South Park, it made me want to laugh, I managed to keep a straigh face, but that vision will stay with me for quite a while!