The Curse of the Caravan

I like Robbie's dad, in some ways he and Robbie are very different but you can certainly see the family link. His dad seems young for his age and he is always busy, either working on his latest DIY project or off for a weekend away with his caravan. You have probably already spotted an obvious difference – Robbie and DIY is not a safe combination, but his dad is amazing, he can do almost anything.

Unfortunately his dad had a mishap with the caravan earlier in the year, he pulled out on to another road but the caravan didn't follow. Somehow it had become detached from the car and rolled back into a wall. There was no serious damage done to anything else, but the caravan was a write off. It took several months for the new caravan to be delivered, but it was worth the wait and Robbie's dad was delighted with it. The first outing with the new caravan was uneventful, but the second outing proved more problematic. The vehicle in front drove over something in the road, the details are sketchy but it turned out to be a piece of metal and it struck the floor of the caravan and caused a hole! One mishap can be explained away as bad luck, two mishaps start to look clumsy.

The worse was yet to come, he rang Robbie yesterday to say that he is now officially old – he has bought a Volvo! I was speechless, there is nothing more annoying in this world than a Volvo driver and now I'm related to one! Why couldn't he do something less embarrassing!!
http://www.blinman.com/volvos.htm

An Early Bath

It all began with a spoon. I'm not sure why Sam had brought a spoon into the lounge, but he had abandoned it near the sofa and I asked him to pick it up and take it into the kitchen. We were on our way out to top up Sam's phone so when he picked up the spoon he was carrying his phone in the other hand. He intended to drop the spoon into the washing up bowl, but somehow it was the phone that ended up in the bowl. He snatched it back straight away, but phones, like cats respond very badly to baths. It had only been dipped rather than dunked and the battery and sim were dry, but the phone was unresponsive. We took it apart and left it to dry out for a couple of hours. Sam was furious with himself and with the world in general, so I reassured him that if it didn't work he would be able to put his sim in a spare phone until we could sort his phone out.

When we got home Sam tried his phone, it spluttered and switched itself off several times before deciding to create total anarchy by working to a whole new set of rules. The first row of numbers all registered as number one, the remainder were all number four. Sam only realised this when he tried and failed to enter his pin and the phone locked him out. He had to go and find his puk code, but I wouldn't let him try to enter it because the numbers were not being recognised correctly. This was the last straw for Sam and his frustration exploded from within, he reminded me of the Incredible Hulk as he grimaced and raged. We put Sam's sim into my phone, entered the puk code successfully and then turned off the pin setting so that Sam could try it in his own phone again. It was still playing by it's own rules, so Sam is using Laura's old phone instead.

A momentary error managed to waste most of our afternoon and the frustration it caused, left Sam dancing with rage. I must admit that I occasionally find myself yearning for the time before mobile phones took over our lives!

Plans

Robbie likes to plan – I guess that is why he is a train planner! His kind of planning is not the casual sort of planning that most of us would consider normal, it is a detailed and obsessive sort of planning. His train to work has been re-timed and the new timetable came into force on Monday. I would just make a mental note to be well organised and to be fractionally earlier getting to the station, but it wouldn't be a big deal for me. Robbie is different, he has talked for weeks about the change of timetable, he has re-timed his entire morning schedule and checked obsessively to make sure that there would be no last minute alterations. It seems a bit excessive to me, after all the train time has not altered significantly, it no leaves one minute earlier! On Monday I woke up exhausted, as the alarm clock went off yet again, it felt as if he'd had his alarm on the snooze setting all night! Robbie got up, made a drink and set about his morning routine with a new sense of urgency, by the time I got downstairs he was discussing train times with the cat while he made the drink for his flask. Oddly the cat didn't seem very interested! Half an hour later I had an incoherent phone call from Robbie, after a flurry of expletives he managed to tell me that no trains had left to go north that morning and he was just getting on a replacement coach. Network Rail strikes again! He got to work eventually, but his day had been ruined. Now he is focussed on his next big planning challenge – the best way to get from North Walsham to Wolverhampton.

Vanishing Act

Robbie was late home again on Friday, I wasn't pleased because dinner was spoiled and even when he got home he was like a bear with a sore head. He was sorry afterwards and he spent the rest of the weekend trying to make up for his strop on Friday. On Sunday morning I was working in the bedroom when Robbie cam up to ask if I would like a bacon sandwich, I didn't take much persuading. Robbie headed downstairs again and vanished for over an hour eventually he reappeared bearing a bacon sandwich and looking rather sheepish. He confessed that he had been sidetracked by Fred Dibnah! He then started to tell me about all steam engines he had just been looking at on television. I fixed him with a hard stare, it is bad enough that he abandoned me for Fred Dibnah, but talking animatedly about steam engines was a step too far!

Larger Than Life!

There are several Dr Who fans in our family, so when I was given a larger than life size cut out of one of the Dr Who characters I knew that they would like to have it. I struggled to get it into the car and I struggled even more to get it out again, so by the time I got it into the house I just stood it against the wall in the kitchen before taking it upstairs. I went off to do another job and when I walked back into the kitchen I almost jumped out of my skin because I had forgotten that there was a huge 'person' leaning against the wall! While I was making myself a cup of tea Oreo the cat walked into the kitchen, he caught sight of the figure, leapt into the air, turned and fled. He crept back almost in slow motion and investigated the figure, fled again, then returned to peer around the door at the intruder. It was so funny, I wish I'd had it on film!

The Continuing Saga of Socks

Robbie bought new socks when he went to the Marks and Spencer sale at the weekend. Since Saturday they have been parked on the unit in the hall, I think he is doing it to taunt me because I am not keen on the lurid colours, black and orange, navy and pink, bright green and black and other equally off-putting combinations. A pair fell onto the floor yesterday and Meg found them before I did, so they were a bit grubby. I knew Robbie would moan about it so I put them in the wash and I mentioned it to Robbie that evening. He panicked and insisted that he didn't want me to put his socks in the wash because they would be lost without trace. I was offended but he ploughed on regardless, he said he would wash his socks himself and dry them on the radiator in the bedroom. No way! For someone who is health and safety trained he has some batty ideas, the radiator is not designed to have things draped over it, it is not safe. In fact if he drapes wet socks all over the bedroom his own safety may be at risk too! Oh well, if I can't be trusted to wash his socks, I'm certainly not capable of washing and ironing his shirts, it looks as if he is going to be a very busy boy!

Night Terrors

Last night Robbie woke with a start at about 3am. He was really scared because he was very cold and his face, arms and chest were wet. He felt disorientated and he couldn't work out what was happening to him. Eventually he realised that he had fallen asleep on the sofa. Meg the dog had got so fed up with his snoring that she had decided to lick him all over. She knew that if she woke him up he would stumble off to bed and she would get some much needed peace.

Spot the Deliberate Mistake!

Laura had her first driving lesson yesterday, she loves cars and she has been longing to be able to drive so it was a big day for her. She said the lesson went well and she is really looking forward to her next lesson. It will be nice not to be the only driver in the family.

Dave the cat has made an amazing recovery from having his teeth out, it certainly hasn't stopped him eating and he is chasing around the house like a kitten, so he is obviously feeling better.

Robbie had to replace the hedge cutter because the old one was beyond economical repair, so on Sunday we went to get a new one. The hedge was so out of control that it was almost impossible to walk up the path to the house. Robbie cut the most important bits on Sunday evening, but it is too exhausting to do it all in one go, so he planned to do the hedge at the side of the drive on Monday evening. Unfortunately I didn't spot the deliberate mistake, had left the hedge cutter in the boot of my car so it went to work with me and he had the perfect excuse to play with his new laptop instead!

Getting the Boot!

When I got up on Saturday morning Robbie was long gone – to his railway open day. Out of sight did not mean out of mind, I encountered the first reminder of him in the hall. I bent down to pick up a piece of litter that had been dropped in the hall, it was the discarded wrapper from some Dr Marten boot laces. After muttering darkly about having better things to do than pick up his rubbish, I continued into the lounge. A pair of Robbie's Dr Marten boots were parked in the middle of the floor, they are a sort of dark red colour, I think Robbie calls it ox blood. It wasn't the colour of the boots that bothered me, it was the colour of the laces, they were bright red with a yellow pattern and they looked absolutely disgusting. Maybe he is anticipating a Bay City Rollers revival, but I don't think it is a look that will catch on. Everyone has their limits, even me, and if he thinks he is setting foot outside wearing those laces he is sadly mistaken!

Robbie, Where's Your Trousers?

There is one thing that Robbie just can't resist – the Marks and Spencer sale. He couldn't resist a diversion to M&S in Birmingham on his way back from the railway open day. He bought two new pairs of PJ bottoms, some socks and quite possibly a few other things that he hasn't admitted to yet. He got a train to Birmingham International and then he visited the loo before heading off to catch the replacement bus to Northampton. He was just washing his hands when a horrible thought struck him, his PJ's were still on the train heading for Bournemouth. He rang customer support and the absconding PJ's were apprehended and escorted from the train at Coventry so Robbie had to go chasing after his 'lounge wear'. It always seems to happen to him!

Living Dangerously!

Robbie has been in so much trouble. How many times does he have to be told – when in a hole stop digging. Things came to a head on Thursday evening when I put a casserole in the oven for him before I went off to work, it would have been ready between 6.30pm and 7.30pm when he got home from work. The problem was that he didn't get home at 6.30pm or 7.00pm, he wasn't even home by 8.00pm, it was past 9.00pm before he got home. What annoyed me was that he didn't ring home to check if Laura and Sam were OK and to make sure that anything in the oven had been turned off. So Robbie arrived home to charcoal instead of casserole and nobody had been fed. That would be bad enough, but the thing that infuriated me was that he left the burnt casserole dish for me to deal with! Not the way to win friends and influence people!

The reason for his lateness was the extra work created by the company moving to new offices. By Friday morning Robbie hadn't managed to apologise, in fact he was adamant that it was my fault for not foreseeing his lateness. He has obviously got so used to me knowing when he is lying that he really expects me to have a crystal ball. There was no contact all day, then he rang when he should have been almost home to say that he was still at work and wouldn't be for some time. Another 'dinner in the dog' night! It was about 10.00pm by the time he finally got home and the best was still to come – he wanted to go out to play on Saturday!

Until recently I hadn't thought much about Robbie's colleagues. I guess my feelings about them were fairly similar to their feelings about me, a bit odd but fairly harmless. Now it's war! I have been really annoyed about Robbie being taken for granted for a while now, why is it always him who has to stay late in order to get everything done? Apparently they were so grateful for the work he had done on the move that they left some toffees on his desk to say thank you, but nobody stayed to help him. Someone gave him a ticket for a railway open day the next day, a nice thought, but after the week we'd had, not the best way to pour oil on troubled waters!

So Robbie went to the open day, not exactly with my blessing, but he was probably safer there than at home! He returned at about 9.00pm and moaned for the rest of the evening about the cramped bus replacement between Northampton and Birmingham International. So you will be surprised to hear that none of his 'bits' have been rearranged and he has been forgiven. You will have to ask him how he managed that, but I can assure you that he cleaned the casserole dish – I saved it for him!

One of Those Days

Do you ever have one of those days? Today started badly and so far it has gone from bad to worse. Sam came home limping badly yesterday, he had somehow managed to cut the soles of both feet during a swimming lesson and he was in agony because it was very painful to walk. He was still in pain this morning and he didn't want to go to school because he has to walk long distances between classrooms. I was determined that he should go but I would write a note to explain his problems. He got very upset and angry and he was still telling me off as I drove him to school. His nose started to bleed and he got a huge splash of blood all down the front of his clean white shirt. By the time he got out of the car the passenger seat was littered with blood stained tissues and he looked as if he had been attacked.

Dave the cat was in the car with us because I had to deliver him to the vet for his teeth to be taken out. He had to be there at exactly the time that Sam had to be dropped at school in a different part of Northampton, so Sam had to be at school a bit early and Dave had to get there a few minutes late. It is so stressful having to deal with the traffic when you are in a hurry. As I pulled away from Sam's school I could hear Dave being sick in his cat carrier, he is always travel sick, but I'd hoped he would be OK today because he had been starved (much to his disgust). I had to clean his carrier up before I could take him in to the vet, it isn't easy to do that in a Micra! Dave decided to hide under the front seat and it was a real struggle to get him out. I hope he forgives me for getting his teeth done, it should make him a lot more comfortable when it is done.

Gremlins

I remember asking once before if they make straight jackets for cats. I wish they did, I'm sure Oreo is a gremlin in disguise. Robbie got up on Wednesday morning to find a casserole dish had been smashed on the kitchen floor. He came storming back to the bedroom and started ranting, that is not the best way to be woken up and I told Robbie very firmly to 'go away'. I got back into bed, after all it was Robbie who had left the dish on the side for Oreo to find. For the first time ever I didn't get up with Robbie to get him organised and off to work. It is such a pity that we don't have cctv, can you imagine the scene, a near naked Robbie wearing only Dr Marten boots, grovelling on the floor sweeping up the glass and threatening the cat with dire punishment.

As if he hadn't caused enough chaos Oreo was at it again later the same day. I was sitting quietly, working on my computer when there was a thunderous crash, I thought something really serious had happened in the kitchen and I ran to look. Everything was fine, but further investigation identified the problem, Oreo had been moth hunting in the bathroom again and he had managed to knock everything from the window area into the bath. Thankfully nothing was broken.

Communication Skills

Robbie and Sam both have a tendency to provide too much information. Sam restricts his enthusiasm to his favourite subjects, but Robbie will talk at length about absolutely anything and I often have to tell him to stop talking because it makes me totally exhausted. Interestingly both Sam and Robbie are less good at communicating essential information that they really need to share. Robbie has been in the dog house countless times for failing to tell me he would be late, and Sam tends to announce at the last minute that he has to have a certain item for school the following day – thank goodness for 24hr Tesco!

Sam walks home from school with his friend Ollie and one day last week they were extremely late and I was very anxious. Sam's phone was turned off – he has an infuriating habit of keeping it turned off unless he needs to use it, he says it preserves the battery! I had no idea where he was or why he was late and I was starting to panic. He finally appeared looking dishevelled and muddy and I thought for a moment he had been in a fight. He explained that he and Ollie had found a lost dog at the edge of the park, they had read the tag on it's collar and rang the number, it was an answering service and they had to get in touch with the owner and then the owner had to come out to fetch the dog. The boys stayed with the dog and played with it until the owner arrived. The lady was very grateful to get the dog back because he had been missing all day. The next day she rang the school to compliment the boys on their thoughtful and helpful behaviour.

I was really proud of Sam for being responsible enough to take care of the dog, I just wish he had remembered to let me know that he had been delayed so that I wasn't worried.

Communication Problems

Robbie has learned to his cost that one of the things that really makes me cross is being lied to. He still tries it from time to time but he has worked out that it is easier and safer to tell the truth instead of being found out in a stupid lie. Unfortunately Network Rail still insult our intelligence with their stupid statements, don't they understand that each time they deviate from the truth they lose public trust and they are less likely to be believed in future.

Two news stories involving Network Rail made me really irritated over the weekend. The first story was about Stamford Station the station is listed but Network Rail want to reduce the size of the platforms to enable wider freight trains to use the line. They may be able to put forward a very good case for doing that, and they certainly think it is necessary because they have submitted a planning application. In fact their submission to the council talks about the need to get more freight back on the railway and to ease freight congestion on other lines. So why on earth did Rachel Blackman, the spokesperson for Network Rail say “there are no immediate plans to increase the number of freight trains”. It may be strictly true because the work hasn't been done yet so they couldn't increase freight traffic in the immediate future, but do they seriously expect us to believe that they would do all that work if they didn't intend to increase freight traffic. Why can't they just be straight about it?

The other news story was very sad, and Arriva Wales train killed 27 cows after a gate had been left open and they had wandered on to the line in Powys. The Network Rail spokesman made the woefully inadequate comment that “We are not sure how it happened”. I would have thought it was all too obvious how it happened, more to the point would be preventing anything like it from happening again, especially since a large number of cows have been killed previously in a very similar accident. It was a horrible thing to happen, what about expressing concern for the driver, or for the passengers who must have been terribly upset by the carnage and it would have been appropriate to make some comment regretting the loss of the cattle. I know they think if they say nothing they can somehow avoid responsibility, but making ridiculously non committal comments they prove that the public contempt for Network Rail is well deserved.

Breathing Fire

Dave the cat was purring so loudly this afternoon that I remarked to Robbie that Dave was growling like a dragon. Robbie told me that dragons do not purr or growl because they are reptiles. I could feel my sanity draining away, how could we possibly be arguing about a fictitious creature? Well if the world had gone mad, I only had one option - to join in. I reminded Robbie that dragons breathed fire and that may not be easy for a cold blooded creature. I thought that would be the end of the conversation but Robbie plodded off to ask Sam if a dragon was a reptile. Sam listened indulgently for a minute or two, then he said "you have a choice, you can talk to me or you can talk to a psychiatrist!"

Difficult Decisions

Robbie was late home on Friday evening, but when we settled down after our evening meal and I was just looking forward to a whole weekend with Robbie when he received a text. The rail tour company had a last minute mini tour and Robbie had been offered the chance to go on it. I asked him where it was and I could hardly believe my ears when he said it was from Glasgow to Fort William and back. It would have involved Robbie travelling to Scotland on Saturday afternoon and he would have had to catch a very early train to get back to work on Monday morning. He was very tempted and I had resigned myself to yet another Robbie free weekend, but even Robbie could see that it was madness. We were due to have lunch and tea with my mum on Saturday and he didn't want to miss out, so very reluctantly he turned down the trip. He may as well have gone because he has talked about little else all weekend. As soon as I woke up this morning he showed me his mobile phone, he had been sent a picture of the train leaving Glasgow!

A Moving Experience

I think I have mentioned before that Robbie's company is moving to new offices not far from their present building. He has known about the move for months and he has played an active role in the planning and preparation of the new environment. For months he has talked of little else. I know about the proximity of the post office, the kitchen arrangements, the layout of the toilets and the exact distance and route from New Street Station, I could go on, but I'm sure you get the idea.

Now we have moved on to the next phase, Robbie is in nostalgic mode, he keeps telling me how much he is going to miss Meridian. This morning when he got up he announced that it was his last ever Friday in his present building and he sounded so sad. As you would expect he has told me about the arrangements for packing in considerable detail, but I can't help wondering if they have really taken account of the Robbie factor. That man has taken hoarding to a new level, the house is bursting with train books, old timetables, railway maps, magazines, ancient catalogues, mementos from open days etc and assorted train related debris. I am fairly sure that his office will be much the same. I keep asking him to bring his junk home to make the move easier, but it hasn't happened - yet. They have only allowed a day for packing, but in Robbie's case it will probably take a week! I don't think we will ever be able to move house because the removal costs will be more than the price of the house!!

Dave's Day

Dave the cat was having a lazy morning relaxing on his favourite cushion when I ambushed him. Before he knew it he was bundled into the cat carrier and we were heading for the vet's. Disaster struck when I drew into the car park, Dave who is always travel sick vomited through the bars of his carrier and all over the gear leaver, thank goodness I always carry wet wipes and bin bags!

We went in to see the vet, he looked at Dave's few remaining teeth and Dave managed to run through his entire repertoire of swear words while his mouth was being held open. Much to his disgust the vet decided that he needs to have his teeth out, so he will have a course of antibiotics and the deed will be done at the end of next week, Dave particularly objected to the instruction that he has to starve from 6pm the previous evening! It sounds dramatic to remove his teeth, but he only has two teeth and a couple of stumps where the roots are still in his jaw, a legacy from his time as a stray. Apparently cats cope quite well without teeth. It will cost a small fortune, but it will be worth it if it makes him more comfortable, he has only been with us since last November, but I really love him. I told Robbie that Dave would have to have false teeth and he believed me! When we got home Dave took himself to bed and stayed there all day, he was cross with me for plotting against him, but by tea time he was back to his usual hungry self!

Difficult Negotiations

When I got home from work this evening Robbie had steak and chips waiting for me, it was lovely but I couldn't help wondering what he had done – I don't usually get that sort of treatment. I know Robbie well enough to know that I wouldn't have to wait long to find out what was on his mind, and before I had even finished my meal he announced that there is a rail tour from Wolverhampton to Cleethorpes called the Meridian Mariner that is due to take place right in the middle of our holiday in Norfolk. and he disparately wants to go! I can't say I'm overjoyed about it, but he can go if he wants to. There is just one thing he needs to understand – it will cost him much more than steak and chips!!

More Cat Trouble.

This morning Robbie got up and went down to feed the cats as usual, but Dave was nowhere to be found. I thought perhaps he was hiding because that three letter word beginning with 'v' was mentioned yesterday and if he gets a hint that he is going there he hides. I wasn't too bothered because his appointment is not until Wednesday morning so I thought he would come out of hiding in due course.

I went out of the front door shortly before Robbie was due to leave the house and I found a gift laid out on the door step, a nice juicy dead mouse! Robbie recoiled in horror and I despatched it to a better place (the dustbin). As soon as I saw the mouse I knew that Dave must have got out somehow, he doesn't go out because of his poorly feet and he is usually very happy to stay at home. I went out looking under cars and in sheltered spots for him, but there was no sign of him. Laura and Sam searched all over the house for him without success and I became increasingly worried about him. I kept checking the street and the garden but there was no trace of him. Then at about 11am there was a strange light knocking noise at the front door. I opened the door and in walked Dave as if it was the most normal thing in the world. He swore menacingly at Oreo as he walked past him, he went to the kitchen for a late breakfast, then after a quick wash he settled in his favourite spot to enjoy the sunshine. Hopefully he will not feel the need to go off on any on any more adventures.

Catastrophe!

Robbie will be returning to work tired (as promised) and wounded. I was only indirectly responsible for his injury, it happened when I called him to rescue a kamikaze cat. After a lazy morning, I took possession of the bathroom and I was just about to get in the bath when I realised that there was something moving on the ledge outside. It was Oreo, he must have scrambled through the tiny top window and he was poised on the edge of the ledge ready to jump on to the paved area far below. I opened the larger window but he wouldn't come in, my and fear for his safety combined with fear of the vet bills if he survived the jump.

I was not prepared to scare the neighbours by hanging out of the window in a state of undress so I yelled for Robbie to help me. He sprinted up the stairs (clad only in pants) and reached out of the window and along the ledge and grabbed the cat. Oreo found himself flying through the air held only by the scruff of his neck, he is not used to such harsh treatment and he panicked. His legs flailed but there was nothing solid for him to grab. Then as Robbie swung him in through the window he realised that he was dangling over a full bath, and not being keen on total immersion he lurched to one side and sunk his claw into Robbie's chest. In a split second Robbie yelped and the cat fell to the floor and fled. A torrent of abuse followed and then Robbie clutched his chest and danced on one leg unable to adequately express his agony.

Oreo had come within an inch or so of piercing Robbie's left nipple! Robbie stood there admiring his wound and telling me over and over again that the claw had punctured the skin twice, it went right through his skin like a needle. I offered him a plaster, but he wasn't brave enough, he would have needed a general anaesthetic to remove it from his hairy chest! Since then Oreo has kept a safe distance from Robbie, but they have traded insults from opposite corners of the room.

A Cunning Plan

I have had enough, I'm starting a campaign to get Robbie to look for another job! I have never met anyone more passionate about his work than Robbie and I'm used to him leaving early in the morning or coming home late. I can't count the number of times I've had to 'put his dinner in the dog' or make last minute changes to the evening meal. Even when he gets home, his work often comes with him. Today he was struggling to find a solution to a particularly challenging problem with his December 09 timetable. He wandered around Morrisons muttering to himself about why this or that solution wouldn't work, he got some funny looks from other shoppers, but he was too engrossed in his timetable to notice or to care. His eureka moment came in the yoghurt section when he suddenly announced to anyone who cared to listen “Yes! That could be possible, it could work”. By now I was convinced the store staff were ready to call for the men in white coats, so I hurried him through the checkout and out to the car. He continued his discussion with nobody in particular and by the time we got home he seemed to have settled on a possible solution.

Robbie was exhausted after his 18 hour endurance test on Thursday when he went to visit Network Rail in Leeds, but he still got up early and rushed off to work on Friday morning. By the time he got home in the evening he was too tired and too wound up to eat! He has a reputation to maintain so he managed a few mouthfuls, but he could hardly keep his eyes open. The early starts don't bother him, they don't even bother me very much and we cope when he is late home, I am used to it. The thing that really bothers me is seeing him work so hard and not be appreciated, in fact on Friday it was worse than that, not only did his efforts go unnoticed, but he got moaned at for something that he knew nothing about and was not his responsibility. I know they have had to cope with difficult circumstances, and Robbie has willingly put in time and effort to make things work, but this has been going on for almost a year now and he is being taken for granted, I know he thinks he is Superman, but he can't do the impossible!

It may take me a while to get Robbie to see things my way – but he usually does in the end! In the meantime I have a strategy. Robbie arrived home totally exhausted on Friday evening, he is no use to me in that state. After a good night's sleep and a haircut his strength was restored, but I have plans, he will be totally worn out by the time he goes back to work on Monday morning. Why should they have the best of him? I didn't choose a 'toy boy' just to watch him sleep all weekend!

Robbie's random information for the week was imparted in the middle of the night. Just before 1am on Saturday morning he woke briefly to inform me that 'they have sweeteners reduced at Tesco in Leeds' I'm not sure why I needed to know that, but before I could ask he was sleeping soundly again.

Mr Angry!

Robbie's trip to Leeds turned out to be a bit of an endurance test, he had to be up at 4.30am in order to be at the station in time for his train and he didn't arrive home again until nearly midnight. He was very tired but he was still talking about trains, he went on and on ...... and on about his December 08 timetable and the various problems he has to resolve. I am not that interested in the intricacies of timetable planning at the best of times, and I'm even less interested after midnight! I tried to get him to shut up, I even asked if he had mistaken me for Barry Doe, but that proved to be a big mistake. The mention of his name provoked a torrent of loud and very angry speech, I didn't understand the individual words, it sounded as if he was speaking 'Klingon' but the meaning was obvious - Barrie Doe was not in Robbie's good books! It was past midnight, but Robbie presented me with the offending article in Rail Magazine, Barry Doe was scathing about the pricing structure of Cross Country tickets. More words of 'Klingon' followed, then someone must have flicked a switch and Robbie lurched into fast forward mode and he began what promised to be a very long tirade about the inadequacies of the franchise process. I keep emergency supplies to cope with this type of crisis, there is only one proven way to make Robbie stop talking – feed him! Soon afterwards peace was restored and Robbie was tucking in to ham and mushroom tagliatelle. As for Barry Doe, I think he is quite funny when he has a rant, he is a bit like a Jack Russel terrier, he can't resist biting whichever ankle happens to be nearest. He may say that he wishes that Virgin had not lost the Cross Country franchise now, but he as been fairly nasty to them in the past.

What a Difference an 'S' Makes!

Robbie had an early start this morning because he is going to Leeds to visit Network Rail and you know what that means – the railway will probably grind to a halt! Every time Robbie goes north disaster strikes and they have points failure or power lines down.

As I began writing I automatically wrote Network Fail instead of Rail, that is how they are filed away in my brain and that is how I think of them, not that I think about them at all unless I am forced to! Anyway it reminded me that I came close to disaster when writing the blog the other day. I always use the spell check, but if you accidentally miss type a word that happens to be a different word the spell check will not highlight the problem. I read what I have written, but as I know what I intended to say I sometimes read what I expect to see instead of what I actually wrote. I had intended to write 'Robbie woke with a start' but just before I added the item to the blog I spotted my mistake, I had written 'Robbie woke with a tart'. That would certainly have set tongues wagging!

A Load of Rubbish

Laura told me that someone from Network Rail came in to her school yesterday to talk about their engineering apprenticeships. Laura is doing maths and science A Levels so she is probably the sort of candidate they would like to attract and I was interested in her reaction. She told me it was a big turn off, as it sounded excruciatingly boring and it didn't lead to a high enough qualification. It certainly didn't sound like an attractive proposition to her and her friends. Young people who have worked hard to achieve good A Level results want to go on to university to get a good degree, yet oddly Network Rail did not provide them with information about their graduate scheme. Laura was also put off by the O2 apprenticeship scheme, she said that it sounded more attractive than the Network Rail option, but the fly in the ointment for her was the requirement to live in Slough and she said that nothing in the world would induce her to do that. She claims not to be very keen on English Literature, but she would probably enjoy John Betjemen's poem about Slough!

Network Rail may be in a class of it's own when it comes to finding the most difficult and inconvenient way to do something but it seems they don't have a monopoly when it comes to potty ideas. Robbie's company seems to be having a moment of madness. They are moving into a new building shortly and the steering group have decided that individual bins will not be permitted and people will have to get up from their desk and walk to a communal bin. I'm not sure why they are called a steering group, if they can't foresee the consequences of their actions I hope I never encounter any of them behind a steering wheel!

The company already recycle, so paper and other recyclable materials are not put in to individual bins, but there is still a need for a bin, without it even a trivial task like removing a staple from document or discarding a broken paperclip would require a journey across the office, or more likely they will end up on the floor and someone else will have to come along and clean up. A bent paperclip could damage a vacuum cleaner or industrial floor machine. Post often creates bits of rubbish, sellotape, packing tape, wrapping from journals and advertising material and other oddments. There should not be a huge amount of rubbish in individual bins, but if each small item reprents a journey and a potentially distraction from the task the person was focussed on, it will prove extremely unproductive. I wonder if they have thought about the problems and unnecessary discomfort this will cause to people with disabilities, there will also be a potential fire hazard if everyone starts collecting their own rubbish in a carrier bag, not to mention the disruption to the office environment if everyone walks to the bin with each item of rubbish.
Of course I am not accusing the steering group of original thought, this is yet another batty government idea. Envirowise provides free government funded advice to companies – most free gifts are really not worth having! Quite honestly I don't think the government could manage their way out of a paper bag, everything they touch seems to turn to disaster, so perhaps they should give up on the 'nanny state' and the micromanagement and get on with sorting out the economy! That would leave the steering group free to use their common sense, surely the staff could have individual bins and empty them into the main bin at the end of each day.

Trains and Stuff

After Robbie's visit to to Tyseley Open Day I asked Robbie to let me have a couple of photos for the blog - he sent me 22! So here is a random selection

King of the Fridge

People often ask how I cope with Robbie, mostly his idiosyncrasies don't really bother me, but sometimes the little things make me furious. I have written about Robbie's obsessive control of the fridge before. The 'post it' notes on the food drive me mad, I don't need to be told to 'use this first' or 'don't eat this' who made him the King of the Fridge anyway?

At just after midnight Robbie informed me that he'd enjoyed his evening meal but he would have liked to have an egg with it. I wondered why he should mention it now, so many hours after his meal and I asked him why he hadn't done himself an egg if he wanted one. He explained that we had none because he had thrown them away as they were out of date. I was furious, he had actually thrown away a brand new box of 12 large free range eggs! I conveyed my feelings to him and he explained that when he looked last week the eggs were nearly out of date and I hadn't informed him that I had bought new ones and thrown out the old ones, so when he was sorting out the fridge he threw them away. So apparently now he has taken on sole responsibility for stock control! I don't know why he couldn't read the use by date or why he didn't realise that the box of eggs was full, but his excuse was absolutely pathetic!

I took myself off to bed muttering darkly and planning my revenge – a mouse trap in his bed sounds suitably painful!